Schizotrichia by Balthayzr

June 25th, 2001
June 18th, 2001
June 11th, 2001
June 4th, 2001
May 28th, 2001
May 21st, 2001
May 14th, 2001
May 7th, 2001
April 30th, 2001
April 23rd, 2001
April 16th, 2001
April 9th, 2001
April 2nd, 2001
March 26th, 2001
March 19th, 2001
March 12th, 2001
March 5th, 2001
February 26th, 2001
February 19th, 2001
February 12th, 2001
February 5th, 2001
January 29th, 2001
January 22nd, 2001
January 15th, 2001
January 8th, 2001
January 1st, 2001

December 25th, 2000
December 18th, 2000
December 11th, 2000
December 4th, 2000
November 27th, 2000
November 20th, 2000
November 13th, 2000
November 6th, 2000
October 30th, 2000
October 23rd, 2000
October 16th, 2000
October 9th, 2000
October 2nd, 2000
September 25th, 2000
September 18th, 2000
September 11th, 2000
September 4th, 2000
August 28st, 2000
August 21st, 2000
August 14th, 2000
August 7th, 2000
July 31st, 2000
July 24th, 2000
July 17th, 2000
July 10th, 2000
July 3rd, 2000
June 26th, 2000
June 19th, 2000
June 12th, 2000
June 5th, 2000
May 29th, 2000
May 22nd, 2000
May 15th, 2000
May 8th, 2000
May 1st, 2000
April 24th, 2000
April 17th, 2000
April 10th, 2000
April 3rd, 2000
March 27th, 2000
March 20th, 2000
March 13th, 2000
March 6th, 2000
February 28th, 2000
February 21st, 2000
February 14th, 2000
February 7th, 2000
January 31st, 2000
January 24th, 2000
January 17th, 2000
January 10th, 2000
January 3rd, 2000

December 27th, 1999
December 20th, 1999
December 13th, 1999
December 6th, 1999
November 22, 1999
November 15, 1999
November 08, 1999
November 01, 1999
October 25, 1999
October 18, 1999
October 11, 1999
October 04, 1999
September 27, 1999
September 20, 1999
September 13, 1999
September 06, 1999
August 30, 1999
August 23, 1999
August 16, 1999
August 09, 1999
August 02, 1999
July 26, 1999

A Random Xmas

July 2nd, 2001

Welcome to another installment of SCHIZOTRICHIA and another new article delivering the most thought provoking insights you'll ever see. Schizotrichia is society's alarm clock, waking everyone and bringing them back to harsh reality! Continue on at your own risk!

THIS WEEK: Toilet Humor (well, Toilet *Comments*, anyway), 18 new Reality Shows get the go-ahead just in the last 4 seconds, and Part 156 in our Continuing Series on People Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Rap, Ever.

Survivor IV, which will take place in the Amazon, is accepting Cast Applications. And we'd put the link to the Application Page here but, if you're the type of person who aspires to be taken off to some God-Forsaken land to battle a bunch of strangers for a bowl of Leech Gumbo, you've probably already got the page book-marked...

Want to have some fun in any of the Science-based newsgroups? Make a post claiming that glass is actually a liquid, and will flow out of windowframes after a few hundred years.

And a Moment Of Silence for Usenet co-creator Jim Ellis, who passed away after a long battle with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Mr. Ellis helped develop the precursors to our Modern Internet, and we'll leave it up to the philosophers to decide if Mr. Ellis actually meant it to become the vehicle for Porn, Pirated games and music, and a platform for 8 thousand nuts to claim, among other things, that *they* were the inventors.

(Insert your own Al Gore Joke here).

Okay, that commercial for TVLand, with Mr. T and Tony Randall rapping, has to be the most disturbing thing we've ever seen...

Remember when we said X-Pac's "X-Factor" was the worst wrestling theme song ever? Well, everytime we hear Shane McMahon's "Here Comes Da Money" Theme, we change our minds *just* a little bit...

Quick note to the various News Agencies; To Hell with OJ. No one cares about OJ. The tabloids don't even really care about OJ anymore. Stop interviewing OJ. Stop taking his phone calls. Are we being too subtle here?

Speaking of Wrestling; If you make lengthy posts on various wrestling newsgroups and forums, in which you, using logic, explain why this or that wrestling angle makes no sense and won't work, you *really* need to get out of the house more.

Ok, one more wrestling comment, we promise; how many more times is the WWF going to try the "Big Goof" personality for Paul "Big Show" Wight before they finally discover that it ain't working?

Who the hell did CNN's Jeanna Moos fail to screw to end up with this Stuff-Dug-Out-Of-Andy-Rooney's-Garbage Making The Moost Of It show?

CRAPWELL PREDICTS: The Adult Diaper Industry will become a multi-billion dollar business when someone comes up with the idea of marketing them as "Time Savers" to busy executives, in much the same vein as Cell-Phones and Palm Pilots. "Too much coffee? One too many Spicy Meatballs the night before? Never miss an important meeting or appointment because of inopportune Bodily Functions again, thanks to Depends!".

Yes, we all know about the Britney Spears Guide to Semiconductor Physics website, thank you. Yes, the juxtaposition is very amusing. Whoopee.

Paula Poundstone has recently been charged with three counts of committing “lewd acts against a child” under 14 and one count of endangering two girls and two boys (Which people are assuming are her adopted/foster children). And we have one thing to say to her about this; If the charges turn out to be false, you have our Pity. Because people hear what they want to hear, and believe what they want to believe. And, no matter what truth comes out about the charges, people all over the world will peg you as a Pedophile.

Cripes, how many "Better Than Sex" and "Death By Chocolate" recipes *are* there?

One of our local Grocery Store Chain locations has put in a Self Check-Out, where customers run their own items through a laser scanner, then run through a credit card to pay for their items. The idea behind this is to speed up check-out, and save the store money because they'll need less cashiers. Problem is, they needed 2 Security Guards to watch over these 3 lanes to make sure no one tried to pull any fast ones, and 2 people wandering between the 3 lanes explaining to people how to use the system properly. So, they use 3 less cashiers, but need *4* employees to insure the lanes run properly...

Women, want to have a little fun with your new boyfriend/husband? Store your boxes of Feminine Hygiene Products between the toilet and sink, and see how long it is before he asks you to come in and move them.

Which reminds us; Is it too much trouble to ask people to clean around the lips of their toilet bowls once in a while? Or are piles of Groin-Area Debris the new "In Look"?

The reason we say this is; Once in a while, people have reason to stick their *faces* in the toilet. And these people have more than enough reason to be violently ill without your help.

We like to think we have an open mind, so we'll give them a chance to explain; How, exactly, does an IUD-looking thing glued to the inside of a cell-phone's battery case increase it's range?

Oh, and maybe your Supermodel "Licensed Chiropractor" would be more believable, and thus a better spokesperson for your product, if she didn't claim that it made calls "perfeckly" clear.

ABC is reportedly working on a Daytime version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?. Now, pardon our ignorance of the way the TV Business works, but didn't they just cut down the number of times Millionaire is shown per week because people were getting just a little bit tired of it?

Scary Movie 2, or We Had About 4 Gags That We Didn't Get To Use In "Scary Movie", So We Decided What The Hell.

You Don't Know Jack!. It's a Game Show! It's A Comedy Show! Give us a call when it decides to do one of them well...

And only in America could a guy like Paul Reubens conjure up a new career out of a Public Masturbation Charge. Think he puts that on his Acting Resume?

"It's New and Daring!" :translation: "It's New and...well... It's NEW!".

Short Version; Microsoft "won" most of it's court case. And, if history is any proof, the the various Microsoft Haters will take this defeat in their usual calm, mature manner. Meaning, if there was anything you needed off the Microsoft Web Site, you might wanna hurry over and get it before the DOS Attacks begin...

And let this be a lesson to all you Judges out there; If you want your decisions to stick, maybe you shouldn't be giving interviews during the trial, bragging about how you're gonna "crush" the defendant. Just a thought.

Does anyone really care about the insides of Celebrities' Homes? We mean, besides the stalkers who'd like to know the lay-out of the place so they don't trip over anything in the dark...

Proof that Evolution not only has Stopped, but has actually begun going Backwards; This big-wig from Showtime gives an interview on one of the C-Spans. And he relates a story about this group that's protesting the series Queer As Folk. And he relates how this group threatens to boycott all the sponsors of this show. Of course, Showtime *has* no sponsors for their shows, being a Premium Service that charges by Subscription. Meaning, what, these people are threatening to boycott people who subscribe to cable?

"Soon, 10 Ordinary People Will..." :translation: "Yeah, it's another Reality Show. Maybe if you'd stop watching them, we'd stop making them.".

Balthayzr actually has a lovely Leech Gumbo recipe. The secret is adding the cilantro at *just* the right time.

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