Welcome to another installment of SCHIZOTRICHIA and another new article delivering the most thought provoking insights you'll ever see. Schizotrichia is society's alarm clock, waking everyone and bringing them back to harsh reality! Continue on at your own risk!

Our thoughts and prayers go out to Bob Barker, the hardest working game show host in TV history, who is going under the knife because he's at risk of having a stroke. God bless and good luck, Bob...

I sure hope they don't accidentally remove his testicles...

Thanks to hurricane Floyd, you just know the people at The Weather Channel blew their wad!

But were the high winds created by Floyd enough to move Dolphin's coach Jimmy Johnson's hair?

And hey, weren't these people on the East Coast complaining about the heat and a drought several weeks ago?

All of you sleep well knowing the fact that your average dollar bill is crawling with E. coli, the pathogenic Staphylococcus aureus, and other enterobacteria...

I DO NOT need to hear about Gloria "Old Whore Rose" Stuart's sexual escapades as a senior citizen. EVER! Do you understand? EV-ER!

Is it just me, or are Sam Donaldson's Vulcan-like eyebrows uber-creepy?

I've been told the George Foreman grill is a brilliant invention...

People who say "give me the 411" to mean they want information need to be beaten with a cane made from a bull's scrotum...

Guys, if you want to break up with a girl without having the messy post-relationship clean-up, try this: Invite her over to watch a romantic movie at your place, put your arm around her at a romantic moment, then grab her hair, pull her head back, and whisper in her ear using the most psycho voice you can, "I'm gonna fuck you like a rabid dog." She'll struggle, and you'll let her get away because once she bolts out that door, you'll NEVER have problems with her again...

If she's into that, there's no reason why you should be breaking up with her in the first place...

People are still playing baseball?

Caught the re-released "The Yellow Submarine" and I don't think drugs were involved in its making, AT ALL!

Hey, what happened to "The Neverending Story?" Sure looks like it ended to me...

Stock up on porn my friends, because come Y2K when you're sitting in your bunker, you're gonna wish you had something else besides that 1995 Playboy with Jenny McCarthy to get your jerk on to...

What's the deal with Sam "Evil Dead" Raimi? I mean, "For Love of the Game." What is THAT about?

If schools continue to suspend students for placing "inappropriate" material on personal websites, be prepared for a lot more school shootings...

All of you should be watching "Action" because it's a funny show with quality writing. Also, if you don't, it'll get canceled and I will get very, very angry and have to beat random people with a huge 4 D-cell Maglite flashlight and piss in cob salads...

We, as a society, are clearly spoiled and complacent judging by the amount of home improvement and decorating shows on TV...

Aly Hannigan needs to be bent over a cauldron and "stabbed" repeatedly with a flesh stake...

DON'T JUDGE ME!

Is there any cooler "B-movie" actor than Bruce Campbell?

drunks@homegame.org takes his foot out of his mouth only to switch feet.

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