Welcome to another installment of SCHIZOTRICHIA and another new article delivering the most thought provoking insights you'll ever see. Schizotrichia is society's alarm clock, waking everyone and bringing them back to harsh reality! Continue on at your own risk!

I like using Internet Explorer to look at AICN. I can use the pointy index finger to pick the nose of that gay winking Knowles head...

What does a guy have to do to get oral sex in this place?

13 of the 1000 chemicals in coffee cause cancer...

If everyone in the world would get their jerk on at least once a day, there would be world peace...

Why tampon and not tampin?

Phones allow people to talk to each other over long distances...

I've said it once and I'll say it again - not enough movies these days end with a bustin' and breakin' dance off...

Does the White House get the Spice Channel?

A person I know has a gift, and a curse - she can set a microwave timer perfectly so food doesn't get too hot, but doesn't stay too cold. Too bad she thinks 5.0 earthquakes are HUGE and needs to SPIT...

Hollywood has yet to tap the vast resource of serial killer romantic comedies...

Is it wrong that I make little costumes for my penis and perform little Shakespearean penis plays?

WHORES!

Porn rental tip #3: Rent a movie like "Casablanca" when you rent porn. That way, you just don't look like a guy who likes girl on girl action, but a cultured guy who enjoys girl on girl action.

"Who Wants To Be A Millionnaire?" is celebrity Jeopardy, only without the celebrities...

This week's "Bent Over Joke of the Week" comes courtesy of young Billy Cardwell: Megan Mullally needs to be bent over the Blarney Stone and "shillelaghed" repeatedly...

DON'T JUDGE HIM!

There aren't enough DJs performing at funerals...

Bored? Play this fun game: Drink twice the recommended dosage of NyQuil, drive onto the freeway, and fight to stay awake...

Worst wrestler name: "The Anal Intruder"...

How well endowed was Jesus?

Aside from being a fine actor, Kevin Spacey does one excellent Christopher Walken impression...

I forsee tapeworms as the next Hollywood dieting trend...

For you male college students: Arrive early and sit in the aisle seat. That way you can check out women's asses as they squeeze by to get a seat. Please remember to avert your eyes if a guy tries to squeeze past...

Some men are like the Death Star, attracting a myriad of women as if with the power of a tractor beam. Other men shouldn't worry since these men often like taking proton torpedoes in their exhaust ports...

drunks@homegame.org looks forward to doing you later...if you're a woman...and hot...and pass a complicated battery of tests.

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