Welcome to another installment of SCHIZOTRICHIA and another new article delivering the most thought provoking insights you'll ever see. THRILL as the human condition is revealed! RECOIL in horror as your life is changed by the TRUTH! Continue on at your own risk!
Why did I see a commercial by the US Postal Service for stamps yesterday? Is there much competition in the stamp selling industry?
"Mystery Men" looks to be the finest comedic tour-de-force to hit the theaters this year...
People with Jesus or Darwin fish on their cars prove that neither Jesus or Darwin are correct...
To all strangers sitting next to me on a plane/bus/etc. or standing in front/behind me in a line, please do not try to engage me in casual conversation. I'm not looking to make new friends while I'm travelling some place or buying milk and Playboys. Supermodels, celebrities, and other "hot chicks" are exempt...
There are approximately 6 billion people on earth. Who cares if a dozen or so die each day? The government should be promoting early death or suicide with tax breaks to help with population control...
People pay $810 for 6 foam letters, or $135 for each letter. What has happened to our high standards of morality?
It's okay to fantasize as long as it's accompanied with masturbation...
Why is race car driving considered a sport? I drive everyday and don't get any million dollar endorsements. In fact, I drive roads with pot holes, aren't always straight, and have more than 2 left turns. Where's my money?
If you think about it, dancing is one of the weirdest and creepiest thing people do...
Andy Dick...
The VCR is very useful...
The only persons who should be frightened by "The Blair Witch Project" are the 10 people who frequently camp in the forests of Burkittsville. The rest of you have no excuse...
Those people who think "The Blair Witch Project" is a true story and 100% real need to find an abandoned cabin in the woods and throw themselves down its stairs...
While I was in line at Target an 11 or 12 year old buying a "Star Wars" figure in front of me turned to his equally young friend and said, "I can probably sell this for $30." When his friend asked what he was going to do with the money, the boy seriously replied, "I'm gonna put it in the bank so I can save money for my BMW." Move the doomsday clock ahead one minute with this 8,523rd sign of the apocalypse...
Scientology is the only money-grubbing cult that can cure homosexuality...
"Mystery Science Theater 3000" should not be ending...
Samuel L. Jackson is a great talent and the hardest working actor in Hollywood...
"American Pie" didn't have enough nudity to be funny...
Why does the express check-out line only accept cash or checks, and not credit cards? It's far more "express" to swipe a plastic card than to write a check, authenticate it, and look at ID...
Jane, get me off this crazy thing called love...
The anti-social Rod Unks can be reached at: drunks@homegame.org