Welcome to another installment of SCHIZOTRICHIA and another new article delivering the most thought provoking insights you'll ever see. Schizotrichia is society's alarm clock, waking everyone and bringing them back to harsh reality! Continue on at your own risk!

Wow, I get to start off a whole new orgy-filled month!

Weather people and newscasters who try to banter must die. When it's summer and 100+ degrees, newscasters complain it's too hot. When it first starts to rain, they say it's a welcome respite from the heat. Then when it rains constantly they start complaining that it's not hot. MAKE UP YOUR MINDS OR SHUT THE FUCK UP, you damn teleprompter reading assholes...

Shake your bon-bon, okay?

A one year supply of the illicit drug of your choice and WHOOOOOOOORES would make for far better game show prizes, because no one really wants a kitchen set or Winnebago...

Clocks have an amazing ability to tell time...

Again, what fuckwit came up with the concept of individually wrapped hot dogs?

Rod's dating tip #27: If you're seeing someone of Japanese decent, don't go on a vacation to Hawaii together, visit Pearl Harbor, and talk about all the American lives lost at the hands of those crazy, slant-eyed, Kamikaze nips...

I hear "Star Wars: Episode II" reveals that the Jedi are really a suicide cult...

Hey, can I get a what what?

So daylight savings time is over once again. Can someone explain why we still practice this silly little ritual since we no longer need to save energy for wars...

And since the government forced me to save my daylight back in spring, where's my FUCKING interest?! Sure, go and give me back my hour of daylight now, but nothing extra for the inconvenience, because god knows I couldn't use an extra 10 or 15 minutes of daylight...

And what is the government doing with all the extra daylight that's being saved back in spring anyway?

I encourage you all to write your congressional representatives and demand they end this deplorable practice which is akin to stealing from your poor old grandmother, but only after anally raping her and giving her a lemon juice enema...

You hear that? Those are the chimes letting us know that Britney Spears' 15 minutes are up...

Lance Henriksen is one great mime with a face of leather who also manages to do some decent acting...

I am SHOCKED at the lack of pimps, Mafia families, and drug dealers who have taken their businesses to the internet...

That "Dogma" looks to be quality...

MTV's "Say What Karaoke" is a gift from the gods for people who can't get enough of the freak show that is Maury Povich's show...

"JAG's" Catherine Bell needs to be bent over an F-15 and presented with a writ of habeas corpus...

DON'T JUDGE ME!

Note to Best Buy: Don't think I didn't notice the subliminal "cigarettes are good for you, so go buy some IMMEDIATELY, smoke your brains out, and pave your lungs" message on your price tags...

If I die in the next few weeks, you know to go after those wily blue shirt assassins who have sold their souls to the tobacco industry...

Flashlights are really useful during power outages...

drunks@homegame.org knows that it's all about the pillow.

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