Schizotrichia by Rod Unks
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August 30, 1999
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August 02, 1999
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September 6, 1999

Welcome to another installment of SCHIZOTRICHIA and another new article delivering the most thought provoking insights you'll ever see. Schizotrichia is society's alarm clock, waking everyone and bringing them back to harsh reality! Continue on at your own risk!

Army Generals - they're just D&D Gamemasters on the government payroll planning "campaigns"...

If you say "foreign films" fast, it sounds like you're saying "porn films"...

Football is a real sport...

Why does the back of my credit card give a phone number to call if the card is lost or stolen?

Thank the lord for air conditioning...

Ed McMahon is soooo drunk during the Jerry Lewis telethon...

Jaleel White has a new show. Shame on society for letting that happen...

People are starving and we're worried about making our teeth whiter...

There is no doubt in my mind that Race Bannon and Dr. Benton Quest are gay lovers...

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Soul Calibur for the Dreamcast looks pretty damn good...

I would suggest growing your own marijuana, because I've heard through reliable sources that the government has planted millions of microscopic transmitters in weed sold on the street so they can track people who smoke the chronic...

Watching the Emmys in the nude is enjoyable. Try it, and send photos if you're HOT...and a woman...

How wrong is it that my friend has a "relationship resume" that he gives to any new women that he dates which includes references to ex's?

There is absolutely no reason for there to be video games about fishing or bowling...

ALWAYS wear underwear and pants when you deep fry something...

All good things must end, but bad things keep coming back, haunting you, and biting you in the ass...

After seeing a free screening of "Chill Factor," I see no reason why most movie executives shouldn't be killed...

The TV remote control makes changing channels easier...

Don't you hate it when your penis gets stuck in a Gatorade wide mouth bottle when you're getting your jerk on? That's why I use The Jerker...

After Josh disappeared in "Blair Witch" and it was clear everyone would die, I would totally bend Heather over a log, bang her, and then kill her as a sacrifice to the Blair Witch...

DON'T JUDGE ME!

If your significant other has a Hotmail account, they're probably having an affair...

We always hear about the geeky 35 year-old guy living in his parents' basement, but what about that geeky 35 year-old woman living in her parents' basement? You know they're out there...

Chris Elliot is great in the hilarious "Cabin Boy"...

Would ya like to buy a monkey?

drunks@homegame.org doesn't know why the universe hates him.

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