Welcome to another installment of SCHIZOTRICHIA and another new article delivering the most thought provoking insights you'll ever see. Schizotrichia is society's alarm clock, waking everyone and bringing them back to harsh reality! Continue on at your own risk!

Thank god C-SPAN broadcast "The Funniest Celebrity in Washington" competition, because there's nothing funnier than the comedy stylings of Susan Molinari, except for beating the person who unleashed "TFCIW" on the world with a microphone stand and violating him with a cee-gar from Bill Clinton's desk. Now THAT'S funny...

How come no one in "The Real World" goes on a shooting rampage? I'd say a roommate's annoying alarm clock is more than enough reason to kill every single spoiled brat in the house, especially that alcoholic lesbian bitch, Ruthie...

Fuck you, dearie...

Clearly the appeal of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" is seeing REGIS make an ass of himself...

And "Greed" is not a rip-off of REGIS' show, AT ALL...

Saw a commercial for a new glow in the dark Ouija board. Was this necessary? Doesn't the glow from the fires of hell provide enough light?

Wow, the new Maytag Gemini range has TWO ovens! Now you can cook pizza AND lasagna at the same time, making it easier to clog those arteries and be a glutton...

So, what does it feel like to get a scalp massage from Lucifer?

Much like The Food Network, The Travel Channel provides interesting and entertaining programs...

DON'T MOCK ME!

Those puzzles in "Highlights" magazine are a fucking pain in the ass! It shouldn't take an adult 2 hours to find a hidden shoe...

I don't think we, as a society, would have achieved all we have without utensils...

It must suck to live in Turkey...

I kiss you!

Can you believe Egypt Air had the ballz to offer free flights to people who had family members that died in the Egypt Air 990 plane crash?

"King of Queens" star, Leah Remini, needs to be bent over a recliner and punished with the "royal sceptor."

DON'T JUDGE ME!

There should be a radio station devoted to playing music from porn movies because "Dark Meat, White Gravy" had a great score, in every sense of the word...

James Woods is one intelligent actor with a high IQ and is, supposedly, one of the most endowed men in Hollywood...

These millionaire shows just keep providing society with entertainment. Submitted for your approval, the coolest person to come along since Robbie the Llama fucker from "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire," is Curtis from "Greed." Curtis, or "Electro" as close friends call him, enjoys watching Yahoo Serious movies and the Tim Burton fun-fest "Edward Scissorhands," as well as listening to his vast Rod Stewart CD collection. When time permits, he likes to look sternly into mirrors and say, "I feel the need."

Hey, at least he won $400,000 and didn't go out on the first question...

Pokemon only re-inforces my belief that kids are stoopid...

Note to movie studios: 5.1 surround sound, widescreen, captioning, and theatrical trailers DO NOT constitute as "extras" on a DVD...

drunks@homegame.org pulled his fovea looking for that damn shoe!

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