Welcome to the special "Week Before Our One Year Anniversary Easter Egg" version of this "Post Hateway" copy of Schizotrichia. This week, we celebrate being one week closer to death and ponder the mental stability of geeks, so continue on at your own risk!

Do not underestimate the power of the Chevy Nova…

A tip for all you world travelers: When you find yourself in a 3rd world country, thus preventing the use of the phrase, “I feel like I'm in a 3rd world country,” when confronted with shoddy service, you can always use, “I feel like I'm in Russia.”

Everyone should look for a hotel that smells like mildew…

There need to be laws that prevent men from having hair taller than 8 inches…

This is NOT the best roast beef I've ever had…

I am SHOCKED that yelling, “Remember the atomic bomb!” does not get you very far in Japan…

Note to fast food restaurants: Stop with the salad shakers, the Chalupas, and whatever other food innovations you have, because your food innovating days should have stopped after the McDLT…

Because it's “Henry VIII” when members of your own organization don't enjoy and take offence to being associated with it…

It's true that smoking makes you lose weight, but you gain it all back in the form of a giant tumor…

MAKE YOUR MOVE!

What, only three FREE samples of beer?!

Squid balls…sign me up for THAT!

So, MTV has a line of clothing and watches. Why do I get the feeling that these factories employ washed up 80s bands and singers?

Remember, crime doesn't pay unless you get away with it…

Yes, because the world really needs ketchup flavored potato chips…

That's right, it's much easier to not take a message to give to people when they check into a hotel, because it's funny when you have to play front desk tag for several hours…

Hmmm, all the tour guides at the Anheuser-Busch factory seem to be frat boys. SHOCKER!

Live your life so that money doesn't own you, but you own it…

MILOTRON!

Supposedly the test of one's costume accuracy is how badly it scares small children…

Thank you, because the first thing I want to hear as my boat leaves on an 18 hour trip is the techno version of the “Love Boat” piped over the sound system in a non-stop loop…

Erin Grey needs to be bent over a gurney and lobotomized…

The most accurate way to predict the future is to invent it…

How sad is it that more people fear life than death?

And most of these people can be found at sci-fi conventions…

Did it really take you 18 months to build that Tom Servo replica? Because you definitely could have been spending that time dating…

Another school shooting? When kids stop respecting summer break and taking it for granted, it's time to reconsider year-round schooling…

It has come to my attention that booze is very, very evil…

DARK LOVE!

But you should all be using Napster to download Tom Jones' “Sexbomb”…

It's all about the SCHWAG…

But where was Donna Millé?

“Helpful drunk” mode only lasts for a short time and should not be wasted; that's why married people should ALWAYS wear their rings…

Wow! What cool FREE con items – “The Avengers” and AC/DC posters will definitely be snatched up quickly!

And fuck you all for encouraging stalkers…

I hear Bonnie Hammer is one HOT wench, very choice, una bella donna…

The Satellite News panel was NOT the best panel I've ever attended…

And why can't you buy porn in bulk at the Price Club and other warehouse stores?

Because they might become even more popular if they not only offered free samples of food, but of the bulk porn…

Fucking coin snatchers…

The best way to make yourself look more attractive is to surround yourself with really ugly people…

Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, and Kevin Murphy are fine entertainers who have an excellent appreciation of George Kennedy's ass…

Yeah, because I reallllllly want a Satellite News t-shirt…

You need to keep it in the HomeGame!

Who stalks the stalkers?

People supposedly enjoy the Meat Lovers Special at The Old Spaghetti Factory restaurant…

They are what we in the industry call, “leaches.”

Huh, the BBI prop auction will last until August…of 2009…

Dammit, finishing your drink before the waitress leaves the table IS a good thing…

You mean you want to do this all again in a few months?

drunks@homegame.org est terminé.

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