Congrats on finding this week's "Valentine's Day Easter Egg" Schizotrichia. This week's Denial of Service free edition works to redefine "sad" and will hopefully pierce your heart like Cupid's arrow and leave you bleeding to death…in lots of pain, so continue on at your own risk!

Note to K101: Yeah, playing Prince's "1999" in the middle of February was really hee-larious. Keep up the crap work, guys…

For all you out-of-state drivers and recent migrants to California, we like to think of the posted speed limit as a suggestion. It's quite okay to go 15-25mph over the limit, especially if you're in the FAST LANE. By the way, maybe this applies to your state too, but since I don't live there, I don't care…

Quick, someone cheat on a new prime-time game show so they all go away…

In the end it's all about culpability, and not necessarily who is to blame or who should be blamed, but who can be blamed…

Is it mandated by the FCC that every "modern rock/alternative music" station needs at least one British dee-jay?

Note to Discover credit cards: Do you think it's really all that wise to raise my credit limit into the five figure category?

Because you're not debt enablers AT ALL!

There was the talk show craze, the medical show craze, the courtroom show craze, and now the game show craze. What's next? The televised execution show craze. I can dream, can't I?

So many "celebrity" deaths, yet Dave Coulier survives like the cockroach he is…

The new definition of sad: A man from Bangladesh attended today's Moonie Mass Wedding in Seoul, Korea with only a photo of his Japanese fiancee, whom he had never met, because she couldn't make the ceremony…

Oh look, a new movie where Matthew "Diet Pills" Perry falls down and has a fit of spastic slapstick; I haven't seen him play that character before…

But we should rest assured that if Michael "Kramer" Richards dies in some horrible fit of spastic slapstick, Perry will be there to carry the torch…

George Kennedy is an Oscar award winning actor who likes to fight PIRATE web sites…

It must be that morbid "car accident" curiosity that makes us stop when we come across Indian or Pakistani programming while channel surfing…

Can I just say I love abusing that 30 day return policy at my local Crown Books, because, as someone who only needs a week to read a book, I do…

How long before some kooky cult kidnaps the first baby born of the "Millennium" believing it to be their savior, or at least their El train ticket to a splendid afterlife?

So many "celebrity" deaths, yet Gary Shandling survives and has a new movie!

Melissa Joan Hart needs to be bent over book of magic while getting her talking cat respected by a magic wand…

People, people, do NOT doubt my predictive powers, especially my long term ones…

I finally heard Madonna's organ-grinder-music-courtesy-of-Casio version of "American Pie," and I'm glad that she's giving musical employment to Disneyland's Main Street Electrical Parade…

drunks@homegame.org has no problem if you want to become a nightclub singer, so don't make him feel guilty and want to eat his gun.

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