Pages of Interest
The MST3K Home Game started out as the Sci-Fi Channel innocently unleashed MSTies onto The Day the World Ended by cheesedom's favorite auteur, Roger Corman. Soon, "The Project," as it came to be known, was hijacked by a loyal cadre of self-righteous performance artists/internet pranksters, and the rest is history.
The hazing which I endured upon my entry into the Home Game wasn't too harsh; I've been told by acquaintances of mine in the U.S. Marine Corps that it can be equated to the practice of "bloodpinning." But I was so much more innocent then, before I started playing this deadly game. It's a bit like that Russian roulette scene in The Deer Hunter; you're putting your own brain on the line every time you enter events.scifi.com, room #MST-Homegame.
The completion of the Home Game page brought the project to fruition: a place where summaries of the aforementioned "movie" "experiments" could be catalogued, sorted, and laughed at by egomaniacal pseudo-humorists such as myself.
So here's a list of movie experiments for which I've done summaries. Continue at your own risk.
x51 OFFICIAL DENIAL (12/27/97): You always remember your first time. The Sci-Fi Channel makes a desperate attempt to "entertain," with the touching tale of an alien forced to have sex with Buck Rogers' main squeeze.
x55 JUNGLE MAN-EATERS (1/2/98): "You will believe a load can fly." Johnny Weissmuller, only slightly less coherent than Tarzan in the role of great huge big corpulent obese white hunter Jungle Jim.
x59 SCANNERS II: THE NEW ORDER (1/6/98): Yet another argument against Canadian content laws.
x67 DARKMAN (1/24/98): Our introduction to Sam Raimi's wonderful world of nepotism.
x69 MAN'S BEST FRIEND (1/26/98): Before Ally Sheedy won accolades for her role in High Art, she starred with former illiterate ex-con Lance Henriksen in this dog.
x77 THE OMEGA MAN (2/8/98): Arguably my favorite of all the movies we've done. Let them have their Black Samson, I just love the idea of a heavily-armed Chartlon Heston blowing away mutants with high-powered rifles and copulating with soul sistas.
x80 CLEOPATRA JONES (2/20/98): Don't watch for the kung fu, the Camaro racing, or Huggy Bear. Watch simply for Shelley Winters, who was paid in Little Debbie Snack Cakes for her portrayal of the Sapphic underworld figure "Momma."
x87 SUPERBEAST (2/28/98): You can thank the Bowlegged Man for suggesting this one, a trip through the Philippines that goes absolutely nowhere.
x88 EARTHQUAKE (3/4/98): When you put together Charlton, GK, and Shaft, you... don't get much, in fact.
x90 THE QUICK AND THE DEAD (3/9/98): More Raimi, but it's notable in that Sharon Stone has more balls than Leonardo DiCaprio.
x93 DOCTOR STRANGE (3/19/98): Marvel Comics movies from the 70s... one asks why they couldn't have gotten Francis Ford Coppola to adapt the "Dark Phoenix" saga instead.
x96 ROLLERBALL (3/26/98): At the very least, this movie showed us that Saint Ted was, in fact, fallible.
x97 GHOST WARRIOR (3/27/98): Unfrozen samurai kills everyone. Two-and-a-half stars.
x107 SUPERMAN II (4/11/98): "Come to me, son of Jor-El. Kneel before Zod."
x110 ROBIN AND THE 7 HOODS (4/19/98): I'm really sorry I missed this one. The Rat Pack drink and smoke and sing and dance, and turn a camera on to document it.
x117 NETHERWORLD (5/8/98): Flying hands, 2000-year-old whores, and a father's touching love for his son's body.
x118 THE EIGER SANCTION (5/9/98): Well, Clint Eastwood takes GK under his wing and drinks a few beers. That's about it.
x119 CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT (5/16/98): We'd like to see more PETER (DeLuise).
x123 GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS (5/23/98): Sei una testo di cazzo, lato di ferro.
x125 GODZILLA VS. HEDORAH (5/28/98): Our favorite self-fellating giant lizard against the smog/sperm monster Hedora.
x127 GODZILLA ON MONSTER ISLAND (5/28/98): It's 5 tickets to ride the Godzilla, please keep your hands inside the monster at all times.
x139 BLACK CAESAR (6/13/98): Thank you, BET, for giving us the chestnut that was... Soul Cinema.
x142 LEGION OF FIRE: KILLER ANTS (6/24/98): Would you like to see more of Skinner from the X-Files? Sure, we all do.
x150 TERROR IN THE MALL (7/29/98): Spearguns, SCUBA, and sedatives: the 3 S's of quality Fox entertainment.
x152 WALKING TALL (8/3/98): William Faulkner's dark tale of retribution and revenge in the Olllllld South, with Joe Don Baker as the fetching Southern belle.
x168 NAKED JUNGLE (9/5/98): Chuckles Heston stars as the Orkin Man and William "Heart-attack-waiting-to-happen" Conrad is his blushing bride.
x185 THE ENFORCER (11/27/98): Why the plunger? Well, his mouthwash wasn't makin' it.
x190 LIVE AND LET DIE (12/17/98): Paul McCartney stars as the evil mastermind who ignores duplicate prepositions and Michael Moore as the man who brings him in.
x204 THE PUNISHER (2/4/99): The way to stop crime? Shoot more guys than than the criminals. Oh, and don't forget the tiny remote control booze trucks.
x208 HIDER IN THE HOUSE (2/16/99): Gary Busey gives me upset stomach, diarrhea, and frantic convulsions.
x217 BEACH BLANKET BINGO (2/27/99): It's fun on the beach, as Frankie Avalon takes on existential philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre (left) in a battle of wits.