Hold on, this one could make you queasy. Cleopatra Jones is the Dana Scully for the Blaxploitation generation, a kick-ass, take-no-prisoners secret agent/supercop who just happens to be a WOMAN. Cleo's after the scum who are destroying her neighborhood with opium and opium-based accessories. Gasp in reaction to the blatant disregard for international law as Cleo helps Omar Sharif destroy an entire field of Turkish poppies. Thrill to the dimly-lit love scene between Cleo and Linc from the Mod Squad. Chill to the pimpatorial wardrobe of Antonio "Doodlebear" Fargas. Crap your pants to the shrill diesel-dyke histrionics of a very hungry Shelley Winters.
IT'S 1973... DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR BLAXPLOITATION IS?
AND WHAT KIND OF EXPLOITATION WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ON TELEVISION?
GersonK> Faster Shelly Winters. Kill kill.
mgrasso> when camels flail, next on FOX
BryanL> The deciduous forests of Egypt.
KevinL> Her maiden name is apparently Cleopatra Achmed.
mgrasso> the soundtrack doesn't disappoint, eh?
KevinL> Ah, the 70's, when all films looked like kung fu movies.
Smash> this looks more like a porno flick ... witht the sheiks and all
mgrasso> peter sellars, arab pimp
BryanL> You know, for the first ever 100% CGI movie, this doesn't look that bad.
THX-1138> The Man...er Woman, ladies and gents.
Merlynn> That little scene turned many a lezbian straight.
KevinL> Make sure you do your homework before you go to bed. Oh, and kill that damn black bitch, wouldja hon?
Ironf> You have the right to be beat while "resisting arrest"
gelwob> We better call in Mitchell.
BillBear> The black zone is for grooving and extra-grooving only.
arteitle> The blue zone is for loading and unloading of sleazy drug guys only.
gelwob> suddenly it's the end of 12 Monkees.
dungarees> It's super slo mo chyck kung fu fighting!
BryanL> Cleopatra Jones IS George Kennedy IN The Airport 77 Story.
KevinL> Wow, I should get -me- some crayons and make a "special agent" badge too.
BryanL> Cleopatra Jones lives in Sewer Urchin's digs, apparently.
dungarees> So this is what's beyond the green door? I'm not impressed
dungarees> She is just one non-stop infinite supply of stingers, isn't she?
BillBear> The director's philosophy: get the camera as close to Shelly Winters nose as possible.
BryanL> So, how did Little Spazzy Annie get to be the city's crime boss in the first place?
mgrasso> a combination of violence and sarcasm, bry
BryanL> I need Barbara Billingsley to translate this jive talk.
arteitle> Even prepubescent kids get excited for Cleopatra Jones!
mgrasso> later, antonio vargas became mike tyson's vocabulary coach
BryanL> You know, when I say there's a lot of mugging in this movie, I'm not talking about street crime.
Djenk> We have Esther Rolle sign
BillBear> Have you called my caring psychic family?
BryanL> She's part of her caring... damn you, Bear!
arteitle> Why'd everyone look so shiny in 1973?
BryanL> Wow. It turns out everyone WAS kung fu fighting after all.
Smash> ass kicking music please maestro
shred> there's a little too much "momma" in this movie for my comfort
Smash> it's the Super motocross at Buck McAbeley's place
BryanL> Maybe he should try racing against other bikers next.
cthulhu> uhhhh movie, what's going on?
BryanL> Hot nasal love.
Ironf> filmed in eyeball vision
THX-1138> All I can see is teeth...I think.
Merlynn> I think I can hear the grease squishing.
mgrasso> more nauseating.. this love scene or the one in "mitchell" ?
BryanL> Someone should have told the cinematographer he was working with low-albedo actors.
cthulhu> This would be erotic if I COULD SEE IT!!!
dungareesdeux> Did I just see a uvula or what?
BillBear> I think I saw a uterus.
THX-1138> That's either a nipple or a zit.
mgrasso> why is it that shelley winters can get more chicks than me?
BryanL> My god! Shelley Winters ate the Wampa and turned it into a stole!
BryanL> Wait. What does this have to do with karate and dirtbikes again?
shred> is it wrong if I get excited when she pulls on the emergency brake like that?
Merlynn> And Cleo pops the clutch and...oh,you know the rest.
cthulhu> Now this is turning into Spy Hunter.
gelwob> release a smokescreen!
mgrasso> no, oil slick!
BryanL> Her car doesn't have an oil slick button, she just drags her 'fro across the road.
gelwob> ladies and gentlemen... The Three Weird Afroed Sisters
Djenk> So this is where Dolly Parton stole the melody for "9 to5"?
mgrasso> "sweet don cherry, stop and let me ride?"
mgrasso> it's hockey night in canada, folks...
gelwob> John Woo directs Huggy
ryanL> Chow Yun Fat and Nipsy Russell's love child.
GersonK> You can tell this is an old film, if they made it today, he'd fire sidewats
dungarees> This movie would be vastly improved by this guy getting the snot kicked out of him by 8 year olds
shred> The Jackson 5: The Early Years
dungarees> She needs to take colorful epithet and threat courses from Charlton Heston and Richard Roundtree.
BillBear> This is the part where she deflects bullets with her magic earrings.
BryanL> Now, every time I see the front of her car, I want to make that Speed Buggy noise, but there's no way to transliterate it.
shred> Shelly Winters IS Leni Reifenstahl IN Triumph of the Momma-sploitation.
gelwob> Look, Shelly Winters in hand-to-hand combat is just not a good idea.
BryanL> Bon Voyage Cleo. Truer words were never spoken.
Ironf> She is being sent to the ice planet to get Kirk.
cthulhu> As always, there is only one 'Good" white guy in these movies.
Djenk> You know, there is something really wrong with a bald white cop giving the "black power" fist
dungarees> I learned that Cleo's antics would be more impressive with Bionic Man sound fx
cthulhu> I learned that Blacksploitation Maritial Artists got their training off of a cereal box.
BryanL> I learned that afros really were that big.
gelwob> I learned that Esther Rolle was old even when she was young.
THX-1138> I learned that Cleo is one bad momma.
BryanL> I learned that many, many words rhyme with "blax".
Ironf> I learned that bad kung-fu and furs do not an action star make.
cthulhu> I learned that Cleo is one bad.....
shred> watch yo' mouth, cthulhu
Merlynn> I learned I like to shake.
Djenk> I learned that Federal Jurasdiction is a flexible thing
gelwob> I also learned that Antonio Fargas respects his hair.
BillBear> I learned to groove.
"I want her black ass back here."
"You better put that down before I make you eat it."
"One more word, birdie, and I'll put your stupid face out."
"Don't give me that welcome jive!"
"I'm tired of being a pussycat."
"Baby Tony and a creep named Zap."
"Where'd you get those baaaaaaaad boots?"
"We don't do no dope in this house!"
"See you around, Superhonky!"
"Don't rip up my double-knits!"
"Wonderwoman! Hahahaha! You silly bitch."
shred> Cleo Jones was the death knell of Blaxplotation
KevinL> Jurassic Park was the death knell of T. Rexploitation.
BryanL> Odelay was the death knell of Becksploitation.
BillBear> The Great Train Robbery was the death knell of Tracksploitation.
GersonK> Unfortunately, voyager continues Trexploitation
Djenk> Superman II was the death of Lex Lutherploitation
KevinL> Trainspotting was the death knell of Smackspoitation.
BryanL> Atari Games' bankruptcy was teh death knell of Klaxploitation.
dungareesdeux> The Gulf War was just the beginning of Iraqxploitation
KevinL> Lizzie Borden was the death knell for Axploitation.
Djenk> The Ab bulider encourages Flexploitation
BryanL> My Sharona marked the death spell of Knacksploitation.
shred> Viva Zappata was the end of Mexploitation.
KevinL> Babylon 5 security is all about Zacksploitation.
gelwob> "Stop! or my mom will shoot" was the death knell of somesortofexploitation
Djenk> Lex Luger was the founder of Torture Raxploitation
Ironf> Space Ghost is all for Braksploitation
BryanL> Failed operating systems were just part and parcel of NEXTploitation.
KevinL> My dentist says I should take up Plaxploitation.
shred> On April 15th, I'm gonna engage in some Taxploitation.
BryanL> I'll stop doing these jokes when Hecksploitation freezes over.
GersonK> team US and Canada fell victim to Czechploitation
BryanL> Would Blacula have been a Necksploitation flick?
BillBear> PROZACSPLOTATION! IT'S A KILLER!
Djenk> Dr Forrester often engaged in TVsFranksploitation
GersonK> my voodoo buddy practices hexploitation
BryanL> Daffy Duck's cartoons were considered Quacksploitation.
KevinL> Madame Toussaud practiced Waxploitation.
BillBear> Sci-Fi practices TimeTraxploitation
KevinL> Unsolved Mysteries contains RobertStacksploitation.
Quite simply, this page was brought to you by mgrassploitation.
AND WHAT KIND OF EXPLOITATION WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ON TELEVISION?