LA CAGE AUX FOLLES 
BryanL> Schmoeller, schmoeller. Oh, wait. That doesn't work.dungarees> Holly Floria...rolls off the tongue. Sounds like an STD
BryanL> Hey, it's that Dexter's Lab eagle noise!
dungarees> Is this Road House, or a John Woo movie?
dungarees> Pizza Hut on the Bayou.
TomServo> Y'know, the funny part is, that the roosers are smarter than the hillbillys
BryanL> Matthew Broderick and Robin Givens in WHORE.
THX-1138> Some hooker cut to look like Veronica Lake?
dungarees> ANd this is my roommate Mary Magdelene Monroe
* MrBooze cracks up at Keep Out sign where clearly the Little Rascals are.
dungarees> Where does the Scifi channel find all these guys with hair that sweats?
MrBooze> Quick check: Yup, still got a penis.
dungarees> It's a fucking parakeet with felt stuck on its head!
BryanL> I feel like I should be watching this on Showtime.
Ironf> No, this is pure Cinemax fare.
KevinL> Hmmm. He looks like Chuck Norris, yet he sounds like Antonio Banderas.
MrBooze> Meanwhile, ath the Thing Memorial.
dungarees> It's one of Thing's ancestors
Ironf> AHhhhhh the flying stone hand
Ironf> Woohoo
BryanL> It's a bird! It's a plane! It's SUPERHAND!
dungarees> Talk to the hand!
KevinL> At least that's not stupid. It would really suck if that were stupid.
dungarees> I TOLD you it was a John Woo movie. Check out the doves.
BryanL> That's what happens when you try for a five-finger discount at Hell's Whorehouse.
MrBooze> So, if you flirt with whores, you'll get turned into a red-headed parakeet. And they say movies today have no moral high ground.
BryanL> Canal-Cam!
TomServo> The bridges of whore county
BryanL> Who the hell are you, and why are we listening to your think?
Ironf> I am Cajun-boy.
dungarees> He sounds suspicously like that heinous moppet from Seaquest
dungarees> They ALL speak fluent Dylan
THX-1138> That's Gump's house.KevinL> So, is Dawson in love with the blond or the brunette....
dungarees> And it comes pre-fabbed with pony-riding whores...ain't that great?
dungarees> I wish this would decide whether it wants to be Designing Women, Hellraiser, or Last of the Wild Horses
MrBooze> Screw you, lady! I'm off to Busch Gardens!
KevinL> This is Mr. Thornton. Mr. Billy Bob Thornton. Don't let him near the knives.
dungarees> Mrs. Sugarbaker, are you trying to seduce me?
MrBooze> The south, where all houses are kept like museums.
BryanL> I'm not supposed to have the slightest clue what the hell's going on, am I?
MrBooze> It's his ominous notebook.
BryanL> It's the Franklin Planner Necronomicon.
Ironf> It's his little black book of his favorite whores
dungarees> Is that a desk chair or a hippity hop? Why is he levitating up and down?
BryanL> Why is Bobby "The Brain" Heenan playing the sorceror dude?
MrBooze> You know, I remember when I visited my dead father's estate and he left me instructions on how to resurrect him. I'm pretty sure I said SCREW YOU!
KevinL> It's Dad's Grail Diary.
dungarees> Someone should send him a telegram that informs him "A little Dab'll do ya"
BryanL> But he kept thinking her name was Mulva.
MrBooze> Priapic?
dungarees> A sexual pre-eptic?
KevinL> Is there any other kind of priapic.
BryanL> A sexual Chiapet?
BryanL> He's gonna wear that tie the whole damn movie, isn't he.
MrBooze> And then a troll leaps out and eats them. The end.
KevinL> This Netherworld is awfully pastoral.
dungarees> Is she wearing the shredded remains of her panties around her neck?
BryanL> It's the love child of TV's Frank and Tor Johnson.
dungarees> I always knew that's what a Judy Blume book would look like
* MrBooze suspects that most whorehouses are not this interesting.
BryanL> It's the ass-grabbing scene from The Wedding Singer.
KevinL> This movie is so confused about whether it wants to be a John Woo movie, Roadhouse, or Dawson's Creek.
BryanL> Did you ever dance with a fat, psychotic Cajun in the pale moonlight? I don't know what that means. I just hate the sound of it.dungarees> This is really what Jon Voight was going for in Anaconda
MrBooze> HE's thinking: "Don't drink the beer seductively..."
BryanL> Now Bijou's gonna fellate the beer like Madonna in "Truth or Dare".
BryanL> George, "The Animal", Steele in a role that will surprise you.
MrBooze> MAn, that guy is really horny. HE must only have a few minutes left on his viagra dose.
BryanL> Smelly. Stinky. I'm the one with the gun.
MrBooze> Target acquired...locking on...
BryanL> Stand by your hand...
KevinL> I'm really not getting this flying hand deal.
BryanL> What's to get? It's a hand. It flies.
MrBooze> It's an air defense system, Kev.
dungarees> It's not available in stores, Kevin.
Ironf> Flying through the air with the greatest of ease, it's the hand made to look cheezy
KevinL> It's Superhand. Able to leap tall staircases in a single bound.
BryanL> Again with that eagle sound... is Major Glory the foley artist?
dungarees> Don't do it, Chicken Boo! You don't wanna end up in the boneyard, man!
BryanL> I can't help but think that birds are important to the plot in some way.
Ironf> Should he be rubbing dear old dad that way?
BryanL> To revive him, I will have to delve into the ancient art of Blood Sugar Sex Magic.
dungarees> I'd do just about anything for you. Look, I've had your name branded on my butt!
MrBooze> Hmm...the dad who abandoned me before I was born wants my help bringing him back from the dead. Is it just me that would say "Bite me, o spirit of my asshole father"?
THX-1138> I thought Chuck Norris has exculsive rights to healing with animal power
MrBooze> Carrie's mom got work as a housekeeper apparently.
BryanL> Boy, the Jehovah's Witnesses are getting pushier.
dungarees> We had one of those home last rites kits, but it didn't have a stake! I feel gypped
Ironf> Your director ladies and gentleman
dungarees> She has no ribs!
MrBooze> That's a guy, isn't it?
Ironf> That's so she can blow herself rees.
BryanL> She's a MAN, BAYBEE!KevinL> Death didn't keep you from looking like Phyllis Diller, tho, did it Marilyn?
MrBooze> Look, miss, did I just talk to a guy dressed like Marilyn Monroe?
MrBooze> Just walk past the screaming guys turning into giant birds.
KevinL> Wow, the young Jason Patric there has more of a selection in whores than Charlie Sheen could ever dream of.
MrBooze> What happened to our sex magick soundtrack?
Ironf> Welcome to Meridian
BryanL> She's giving him a "come quicker" look.
dungarees> He's going to go 'hyuck hyuck' any second now. I can tell.
KevinL> If Celine Dion starts singing, I'm outta here.
MrBooze> What's with the love theme from Netherworld?
BryanL> Ah! It's the sax player from the Muppet Show!
MrBooze> You know, even this isn't punishment enough for Edgar Winter's sins.
dungarees> This is a breast. The bump in the middle is not a radio dial.
dungarees> Rhea Perlman on the Steinway Violin
BryanL> Only love pads the film. In this case, sticky, icky, filthy Cajun paid for lust kind of love.
MrBooze> Meanwhile, in the finale of Roadhouse.
dungarees> Saigon...I can't believe I'm still in Saigon
MrBooze> Hee hee...I'll just slip this "congratulations on your first hooker" card under his pillow...
dungarees> Don't touch the sheets, blondie, they're all crusty
BryanL> Oh my god! She screwed Kenny! You bastards!
Ironf> That's one wierd STD.
BryanL> He's turning into Swamp Thing.
dungarees> It's worse, Bry. He's turning into Steven King.
BryanL> Goddamn. Half an hour left, and still no tantric sex, netherworlding, or nothing. Just a big stupid hand.
MrBooze> It's building up to the big ironic ending, Bry.MrBooze> This movie just wants to beat us over the head with that red-headed parakeet doesn't it?
KevinL> Do you think he knows why that caged bird is singing?
Ironf> He should have never made that bet about Eddie Murphy and Dan Ackroid
MrBooze> Why are all the girl birds saying "Help me"? Are they all in avian menstrual cycle sync or something?
KevinL> He's a David Warner-be.
MrBooze> Some taffy?
BryanL> I don't know whether to praise you, kill you, or both, Kev.
BryanL> I've brought your melted lime Jello, sir.
MrBooze> What is that supposed to be? A glass of prestone engine coolant?
BryanL> It's a pitcher of SURGE!!!!!!
Ironf> Tafia is appearently Great Blubeini Kool-Aid.
MrBooze> Check your tint, Ironf. It's green.
Ironf> Blubini was blue till you added water, then it turns green Booze.
Ironf> Thus the magical aspect of it.
BryanL> Could someone ask shred to fast forward this? I'm falling asleep.
MrBooze> Hi, I'm the 25-year old 16-year old girl, and I haven't had sex with you yet.
MrBooze> So...faces
BryanL> Diane's got some damn fine cherry pie, apparently.
MrBooze> The director basically interviewed people, then spliced it into a freaky film, didn't he?
BryanL> I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night, alive as you or I.
KevinL> She's the Carol Hathaway... FROM HELL! Bwaahahahahahahahahaha.
MrBooze> Close your eyes, and imagine a john woo finale...
dungarees> Don't go into the cylon room!
MrBooze> Bobby the Brain Heenan after eating one of Willy Wonka's blueberries.Ironf> give daddy some sugar
BryanL> Well. That was unpleasant.
THX-1138> Mmm, dad. You taste like maggots.
KevinL> So, the netherworld is full of GPS?
dungarees> You're a nice specimen. Now bend over.
KevinL> You got a pretty mouth.
Ironf> whoops walked into the wrong shot. Ohh hell well just keep rolling
BryanL> So, the netherworld's just a poorly furnished attic?
dungarees> So his father's a bisexual respirationally challanged necrophiliac?
MrBooze> Does she have a teen-slut all access pass or something?
dungarees> They only way to save him is to have hot lesbian sex on top of him.
Ironf> Place your hand on his crotch like I did and I think we can pull him through this together
dungarees> His feet are turning into Eddie Bauer thinsulate lined wool sox
Ironf> So boobs are the answer
KevinL> Now we're gettin' somewhere.
MrBooze> YES! The breast shall set you free!
BryanL> This is like the goth version of the Pumaman music.
THX-1138> Great, he just activated the alien technology that'll give Mars an atmosphere.
dungarees> JUST a bit outside
KevinL> Duck the hand on the string!
BryanL> So, the solution to defeating the stone hand is... duck.
Ironf> And that's the big finish.
MrBooze> NEVERMORE!
dungarees> Oh. My. GOD. That SUCKED!
BryanL> Whoo. That sucked.
KevinL> Quoth the cockatoo, Nevermore.BryanL> Still, appropriate to end the movie with a cockatoo.
MrBooze> Quoth the puppet bird....NEVER!
MrBooze> Quaf! OH QUAF this dark nepenthe!
dungarees> Ok, did we learn anything?
BryanL> We learned to duck the stone hand.
BryanL> Or hand the stone duck.
dungarees> Or to stone the duck hand
MrBooze> I learned that breasts will set you free.
Ironf> I learned that after a good night with a whore, you can end up turning into a bird.
THX-1138> I learned it was wise to watch the Homicide finale instead
