WEISSMULLER'S MEAL TICKET MOVIE
One day, Johnny Weissmuller got old and lumpy. The geniuses that brought us more Tarzan movies than you can shake an African stereotype at decided to give Weismuller another shot. Hence, Jungle Jim. In this movie, Weissmuller... jumps off a whole lot of stuff. Oh, he also kills a bunch of animals, thereby cementing the hatred of his simian longtime companion, Tamba. In fact, as far as I could tell, Tamba's the only villain in the whole movie. Sure, there's a treacherous Frenchman and a tribe of the eponymous jungle man-eaters, but I never saw any documented cannibalism. Just lots of lots of Weissmuller throwing his doughy, blocky body around, diving and fighting, fighting and diving. Pure pain.
JUNGLE BOOGIE
BryanL> Whoa! Black people in the jungle! What were the odds?
mgrasso> with the patented columbia studios rhythm section!
Elroy-L> "When Cannibals Attack"
BryanL> Dr. Franklin, in a role that will surprise you.
mgrasso> i think tamba's got ebola
mgrasso> i hope he starts bleeding out his eyeballs
bowleg> Red butt sign.
BryanL> How can we have red butt sign in a B&W film?
cthulhu> Whats a nice white couple like you doing in a jungle like this.
bowleg> I'm Jungle Jack.
mgrasso> nothing like a steaming cup of coffee in the rainforest
BryanL> Then he makes Devil's Tower out of the mashed potatoes, and they feed him to the fire ants.
bowleg> what is the deal with getting the diamonds in all these HGs lately?
THX-1138EB> Diamonds are forever.
Jamie> I didn't need to see the Germans feel each other up.
bowleg> Johnny does seem to have that retard-speech down pat.
mgrasso> i think that tamba and the white goddess will learn to love each other
bowleg> A tiger? In africa?
BryanL> Wait, this can't be right. Britain and the US never messed with the politics of Third World Countries, did they?
mgrasso> i love how they dressed everyone up to take advantage of the stock ffootage
BryanL> Man, she shakes his hand, and his tits jiggle.
Merlynn> In addition to being a doctor,Tamba is also a lawyer.
mgrasso> jungle jim's going to eat that whole ox after the shoot
Elroy-L> when animals attack animals
BryanL> You know, like that Loverboy song, bull and lion DNA, just won't splice.
Jamie> Is this supposed to be the same lion fight in each shot?
Jamie> I've seen three different lions and four different people.
Elroy-L> mount that croc , jim
mgrasso> "move the tentacles around, make it look like he's strangling you!"
Merlynn> And of course,a french gun could only be used by a french man.
cthulhu> Belloqe needed a day job after that whole Ark of the Convenent debacle.
BryanL> Jim singlehandedly saves the jungle from fire, but who will singlehandedly save the jungle from Jungle Jim?
Jamie> Smokey says . . "Only those dirty Frogs can start forest fires."
Ironf> A hundred feet up and that monkey can still nail people with his own feces.
mgrasso> jungle jim:stock footage::rocky:montages
bowleg> ah, the majestic grandeur of several hours of stock footage.
ryanL> Didn't anyone back then wonder why the same damn stampedes occurred in every single movie?
Jamie> Whay are the French in Africa? Aren't there enough fetid cheeses and pudgy mistresses on their own continent?
Bice> The lighthearted "swimming monkey music"
mgrasso> in some ways, this movie is more disturbing than "faces of death."
Baalzamon> I can FLLLYYY!!
Bice> Does he have to stick his tounge out like that?
Ironf> Loads away.
bowleg> the load who could fly.
bowleg> What? Jungle Jim is trapped? down at dead rock canyon?
Merlynn> Actually,Tamba is trying to give them the cure for cancer.
Bice> So, the monkey is the most intellegent cast member then?
mgrasso> "french boat? how could you tell?" "well it had bad breath and ran away at the first sign of trouble."
bowleg> Swimming, Load-style
BryanL> So, Jim's powers are jumping off stuff and killing guys in animal suits. Got it.
mgrasso> striped shirts = frenchmen
Bice> So, smacking someone on the side of the head knocks them out. I'm gonna hafta try that...
mgrasso> i think he's gonna dive out of that service door, guys! i can't wait!
BryanL> You will believe a load can swim.
mgrasso> "you see, mr. weismuller, there is nothing you possess that i cannot take away..."
Jamie> Jim's worried that the French guy is gonna tie up his monkey.
Merlynn> Tamba's got a gun. Monkey's day just begun.
Jamie> "Wouldja like to buy a monkey?"
mgrasso> oh no the movie's lapped itself!
bowleg> the Garrett Morriss Jazz Trio
Jamie> This is actually Art Garfunkel's failed experimentation with native rythms, Bryan.
BryanL> So, are there any Jungle Jim movies that DON'T end with this Avalanceh footage?
mgrasso> jim revels in the defeat of his enemies... innocent women and children...
cthulhu> Could someone please explain this movie to me again>
bowleg> I learned that the french should never be trusted.
BryanL> I learned "asses". That's all. 70 minutes of asses.
Elroy-L> i learned that if you keep your monkey close....
Ironf> I learned that with a monkey at your side, you can never be truly defeated.
mgrasso> i learned that there's not necessarily any difference between french canadians and regular french
bowleg> I also learned that monkeys don't really cut it as comic relief.
Baalzamon> I learned that leaping on people is the solution to almost every problem...especially if you can find a tall rock o do it from.
BryanL> Keep your friends close, and your monkeys closer?
Jamie> I learned to keep your enemies close and your monkeys closer. Yowza!
cthulhu> I learned that Jungle Doctors don't take they're work seriously.
Elroy-L> i learned that you should always let the monkey fly
bowleg> You know, we didn't get to see much man-eating, did we?
Russ> I learned that even semi-big networks make mistakes occasionally...
Ironf> I learned this movie needed "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. HHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
mgrasso> i learned that weissmuller could only capture his former glory in diving from 5 foot high platforms
THE EVOLUTION OF MAN