Superman II. This was the one with Richard Pryor as the evil genius... no, wait. This was the one with the evil Aryan wrestler who could shoot atomic beams from his eyes... um, no, wait. This was the one with the evil Red-Kryptonite-created Supes who tried to... no, no, that wasn't it. OK, I know. This had to be the one where Superman flew around the planet backwards and made time stand still, right? No? Marlon Brando? No. Mr. T? Wait, he was in Rocky III. I'm really confused, now. I'm going to go lie down.
Oh yeah, i remember now. There's three ever-so-fey Kryptonian criminals who come to wreak havoc on Earth. Meanwhile, Margot Kidder performs the first human tests for PROZAC.
YOU'VE BEEN HIT BY A SMOOTH CRIMINAL
THX-1138> An action packed American Movie classic? Oh, I don't know.
THX-1138> It's a damn show trial.
Ironf> And the big giant heads all vote guilty
THX-1138> There it is! The electronic mountain prison!
Ironf> ahhh Margot "Crazy Legs" Kidder
Djenk> And superman does super-sexual harrasment
THX-1138> I am totally convinced Kent and Superman are not the same person.
Ironf> ahh crazy lady hanging around the tower, hiding in the bushes
THX-1138> Geez, the Titanic could get from New York to France faster than Superman.
Ironf> I totally believe that that shot was made in front of the actual tower.
THX-1138> French people that speak english of their own free will? This is fiction
THX-1138> Bee Gees record album in SPAAAAAACE!
BillBear> I can't believe Ned Beatty didn't get a best-supporting actor nomination for this role.
Ironf> I told you the moon landing was faked.
BillBear> Filmed on location in the sea of tranquility.
Djenk> What is this thing with the kicking and the decompression and the thing and...
BillBear> Actual footage from the moon has more action than this.
Djenk> Attempting wetting my pants...
THX-1138> And Wallace and Gromit go searching for cheese in the background
BillBear> Ah, those damn astronauts broke our spaceship again! This is the last time I'm saving them, I swear!
THX-1138> Elsewhere, John Candy films Canadian Bacon
Djenk> Ah....Niagra....appropriate place since this film should be THROWN OVER IN A BARREL!!!
SirDude> Anyone notice that Clark Kent and Brad from RHPS look amazingly alike?
THX-1138> Hmmm, he looked just like Chris Reeves without his glasses. Oh well, it;s probably nothing
BillBear> It's that damn kid from "Earth II"
BillBear> It's free hot dog day at Niagara!
Djenk> You know, it must be hard work being that clueless
THX-1138> See, she's an investigative reporter and can't figure out he's Superman. It's comedic irony!
Ironf> We made the switch to Folger's, will he notice? Let's watch!
THX-1138> You'd think Superman would have some sort of sophisticated home alarm system or something
BillBear> Good thing they had a snowmobile stashed in the basket.
THX-1138> She knows my secret, I'll have to kill her later.
BillBear> Margot's first signs of insanity
Ironf> But what about the magic kiss where he deprives her of air just long enough to kill enough brain cells to destroy the memory that she knew he was Superman. Now that's writting.
THX-1138> The cops from Manos?
Djenk> You are listenin to WHCK...Hick Music...all day...al night
SirDude> The quick and the dead. Which one of those is this guy?
SirDude> This is where Superman goes to find native girls and 'relax'
Ironf> General Zod, arc-welder
SirDude> Toy helecopter down!
Ironf> Not a model, repeat not a model
Ironf> Her acid kicked in big time.
Djenk> ladies and gentlemen....KISS!!!!
THX-1138> Monica Lewinsky Zod.
SirDude> Clinton would be crying right now you know.
THX-1138> All this male kneeling. It's really disturbing.
Ironf> Whoops, green kryptonite, I'm dead
THX-1138> The kryptonite vibrator?
BillBear> Clark Kent sounds kinda like Kermit the Frog.
SirDude> Ya gata admit though... without his powers, Superman's a feeb.
BillBear> Frankly, he's a feeb even with his powers.
THX-1138EB> Superman will return in Mario Puzo's Superman III: Thunderball
KEVIN SMITH IS NOT THE AUTHOR
"You will bow down before me, Jor-El!"
"What sort of creature are you?"
"Is there no one that can challenge me?"
"A lying weasel like you couldn't resist the chance."
"Oh God!" "Zod."
AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF KNEELING
"Come to me Superman, if you dare!"
"Come to me son of Jor-El. Kneel before Zod."
"Now you will kneel before Zod."
SUPERMAN OR SUPERBEAST?
THX-1138> That Superman has super humor, dontcha know
Djenk> And superman does super-sexual harrasment
Djenk> And finally Super-Come-LAtely comes strolling in...
THX-1138> THat's what he gets for getting a super sized drink
Djenk> Super Space Litter!
THX-1138> And we get super humor!
Ironf> now for super temper tamtrum
SirDude> I'm super gay.
THX-1138EB> Super bad breath
SirDude> It's Super whooped!
SirDude> He super peed his pants.
SirDude> Super logo!
SirDude> Super illegal headlock.
THX-1138EB> Superman has super underarm sweat stains
SirDude> Super killer.
THX-1138EB> Super face sucking
SirDude> Super brain hemerage.
SUPERSMUG? SUPERACTING! THANK YOU!
And remember: Gene Hackman is good bald in anything.