ET TU, HONKY? 
Ironf> Black Entertainment Television, although for tonight, it's Blaxploitation Entertainment Television
mgrasso> AIP 50s: bad sci-fi. AIP 70s: bad blaxploitation
Ironf> The Man, this early in the film?
BryanL> Shoeshine Boy!
Plumm> Huggy Bear: Year One.
mgrasso> he's not so much black as he suggests black.
BryanL> He implies black.
KevinL> Damn, he was saving those ketchup packets for dinner.
mgrasso> somewhere, quentin tarantino has his pants down around his ankles
mgrasso> and dan dierdorf shows ronaldo the world of crime
BryanL> Black Caesar, Cleopatra Jones... what's next, Brutal Brutus?
mgrasso> well, nice to see charlton taking his role as prezof the NRA seriously
Plumm> Blackbird, don't go singing on me in the dead of night.
KevinL> Strange how they let the "N word" through for Black Ceasar, but edit it out of every rap video they show.
mgrasso> i guess it all depends on who's wielding the nightstick, kev
Plumm> Is this Black Caesar's origin story?
Ironf> So it will be and hour and 15 mins before we get to see any of his powers
mgrasso> cooley high hospital
Ironf> Lil' Malcolm X
Plumm> It's just one of the NSA's old Urkel prototypes, Bry. It's still 1953.
mgrasso> present day. groovin'.
mgrasso> what kind of country is it where a man cannot shave another man without GPS!
BryanL> Either that's the worst shave ever, or he grows stubble really fast.
mgrasso> that's what's known as 12 o'clock shadow
Ironf> With all those cuts, think he will have to pay for it?
mgrasso> whoa! get the styptic pencil!
mgrasso> "stuck in the middle with you.."
Plumm> Get an earlobe for your records.KevinL> So, basically, anyone that Black Ceasar performs a service for is brutally murdered. Check.
MrBooze> HEY! Human ears don't go in spaghetti! That sort of meat needs shells!
BryanL> Now THAT'S what we want to see in a movie. Ear pasta.
mgrasso> ah. guineas.
KevinL> Word of advice, white man. Don't let Caesar bus your table.
Ironf> AND he knows Italian
mgrasso> wow! he really *is* caesar!
BryanL> That's Italian for "hold the ear".
MrBooze> That's italian for "Collard greens and a hamhock"
MrBooze> The Hat Squad: In COLORED!
BryanL> Hat shoping!
KevinL> Hat Sho Ping? The new HK action star? Where?
mgrasso> montage!
MrBooze> They are disgracing the honor of Black Samson
BryanL> Jump back. Gotta montage myself!
MrBooze> The scalps of rival black gangs are mounted as a warning.
BryanL> The brother is a father! The father is a brother! It's almost Mississippi here.
Plumm> So, this is that Nothing Sacred I've heard . . so .. much about . . . lately?
BryanL> Why are they applying for a loan from Conan O'Brien?
mgrasso> the rec room archtiecture. wood paneling. hello! yes! right!
MrBooze> It must be hard to keep a ledger regularly updated when its locked in a deposit box.
mgrasso> it's showtime at the apollo. tonight... carrot top! the osmonds! and black caesar!
BryanL> By the way, can I borrow your sideburns? I've got these really dirty pots to clean.
mgrasso> sesame street!BryanL> Sunny days!
KevinL> She's only tickling the ebonies. Now -that's- Black Power.
mgrasso> she's quite talented for a coke whore.
mgrasso> hey guys, which phrase is funnier... "coke whore," or "crack whore"?
BryanL> I gotta go with crack whore.
Ironf> hmm tough choice, but I lean more towards Crack Whore
KevinL> Crack Whore. Plus it's the only one with its own magazine.
mgrasso> we now return you to black caesar, alreadyin progress
BryanL> What is it with blaxploitation heroes and eight-foot sideburns, anyway?
Plumm> The 70s, Bry.
Ironf> Almost everyone had sideburns in the 70's, even women
KevinL> They're follicular representations of the black action hero's genitalia, bro.
mg> i like the bowler... very john steed.
BryanL> See, this is what happens if you don't have Rubbermaid.
mg> the "flinging furs off the balcony" montage.
Plumm> How will you make it on your own? o/~
MrBooze> That wont look suspicious at all piled 6 feet high beneath his appartment.
Ironf> in the street below, Black Samson is fighting a guy
* MrBooze longs for a Black Samson / Black Caesar showdown
* BryanL longs for a Samsonite/Little Caesar showdown.
mg> she's got a face only a lesbian bulldog could love.
BryanL> So, this is what Mr. Nanny was based on.
mg> the mumblinghere is worrse than "shaft in africa"
BryanL> They're coming through the walls! Game over man, game over!
mg> what is he hitting them with? a beanie baby?
Plumm> The Italians were really pissed when the underworld's Jim Crow laws were overturned.
KevinL> He's gettin' hassled by the Man-dolin. It's FUNNY!
mg> wow. it's an old-fashioned italian cookout.
MrBooze> Would someone please SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOOKY OFF!
mg> ah yes. italian man-tits. your ticket to non-stop entertainment.
Ironf> Volaray!
mg> ok, so fine, it looks like one of my family gatherings.mg> i love the orange blood in this movie
mg> this movie is like batman the animated series, what with the retro look
* Plumm would love to see Black Caesar: TAS.
BryanL> Pool kill!
mg> tonight on black caesar: "when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie,that's... DEATH!"
MrBooze> Ah, they're making gazpacho
mg> greasy italian soup. just add italians.
Plumm> Idiots. Now they can't sneak in and use their pool. What was the point of all the killing?
mg> and hammer breaks the tension with some philip glass onthe piano
Plumm> I want Cardoza's territory and Francis' film stock!
mg> peter sellers?
Plumm> Every white character in this is played by Peter Sellers. Quite a tour-de-force.
KevinL> That car is a vehicular manifestation of the size of the blacktion hero's genitalia.
BryanL> Everything's a manifestation of genitalia to you, isn't it, Kevin.
Plumm> But now, back to our show.
Ironf> Is he gonna kill his own daddy?
KevinL> He's packin' a Han Solo blaster?
MrBooze> So, Caesar, what he's trying to say is that you're a HARD BASTARD! RIGHT!
mg> who's singning in the background? celine dion?
BryanL> Why do I expect her outfit to have "Normal View" printed on it.
Plumm> Black Caeasr establishes the first black gated community.
GersonK> This whole thing is just him entering houses.
GersonK> Not a railing kill, but it'll do
Ironf> ohh so sorry Gerson, just a stairwell kill
BryanL> What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs, and makes a whining sound?
SirDude> I'm gona take him back up stairs and throw him over the railing!
SirDude> So when the guy talks back, he hits the girl.
mgrasso> slapped her so hard her afro flew into new jersey
Plumm> Pop some Propecia, babe. Just don't handle any broken tablets, as you're so wont to, yo.
Ironf> I knew the X-Files was involved somehow
mgrasso> and the "killing bruthas" montage commencesBryanL> His scream was awfully girly for such a big guy.
GersonK> He shot the horse!
KevinL> It's like we're watching these people walk around doing things, while every so often an off-camera sniper picks one of them off.
Ironf> Do they call him MR. Gibbs?
KevinL> 50 large in a Trapper Keeper? Not wise.
* Plumm laughs at Trapper Keepers.
Plumm> Van Cleef & Van Patten First Mutual.
KevinL> This movie certainly has its share of busting of caps in peoples asses.
BryanL> Fear and Loathing in Unspecified Downtown Area.
Plumm> Brutha, don't go raping mailboxes, you get yourself hurt.
GersonK> You see, now with Guiliani, you could only do that for for a block or two
Plumm> One of the Fifth Element cabs would be handy about now.
MrBooze> Suddenly it's Spike Lee's "It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World"
MrBooze> Et Tu, Moesha?
SirDude> Wow. nice nipple ring.
mgrasso> and... he attempts a cure light wounds spell
BryanL> Nothing like a little faith healing to give your movie that extra touch of soul.
GersonK> Man, sinatra really let himself go
GersonK> And Bryant gumbel is dead. and there was much rejoicing
mgrasso> the light and fluffy "bruthas mowed down in cold blood" montage
SirDude> Damn! Must find the book that lets me into the batcave!
MrBooze> The cat's on the stand-up bass again.
KevinL> Was that a life and death game of cat and Mauser?
MrBooze> Maybe if he'd just give it a chance, he'd find that he LIKES BOOTBLACKING VERY MUCH!
KevinL> So, there's a dead guy walled up in this room somewhere?MrBooze> Someone accidentally turned on the "Mother's Heartbeet" sound soother.
GersonK> Looks like everybody's gonna die. Just like sheakespeare. Truly, this is great literature.
MrBooze> The old guy really shouldn't have said he hopes the Jazz wins
Ironf> and now the soulfull epilogue
mgrasso> yuck. he's klingon.
mgrasso> are they attacking him with gynecological equipment?
Ironf> Was that a piece of the fender of a car?
Plumm> This is like that one Star Trek episode where the Space Children whoop up on Shat.
MrBooze> Black Caesar! Bonk Bonk! On the head!
Plumm> the ledger!
KevinL> Live by the beat-down, die by the beat-down.
MrBooze> Must be another garbage strike.
mgrasso> still shot. still shot. still shot.
* KevinL anxiously awaits the Black Samson/King Crimson crossover battle.
MrBooze> Black Caesar will now sleep for centuries under a pile of garbage, until he is needed again and a young black girl will sing him back to life.
