SHOWTIME AT THE APOLLO 
BryanL> The now traditional Georgia O'Keefe opening...BryanL> Cool! It's dubbed in Russian.
Ironf> or Hungarian
Djenk1> Translation: The man who put mashed potatoes in my bowler yesterday was not funny
BryanL> Chevy Chase in a cameo.
Bice> He just pumped some Spice Girls into his headphones.
BryanL> The movie kicks it up a notch! BAM! Just like that.
Bice> You know, I don't remember New Orleans being that empty, even for a funeral.
Ironf> ahh sweet froage
Bice> Wow, a 'fro five times the size of his head. Impressive
BryanL> Well, that's all the black people Pinewood Studios could round up.
Djenk1> Why waste a perfectly good casket and band and no body?
BryanL> However, I don't think "Rock Around The Clock" is a big Nawlins tune.
Djenk1> Meanwhile, in a 3rd movie
BryanL> Notice, all the same actors as the last scene.
Ironf> Leave the bronx
BryanL> I'm James Bond. Please don't smoke.
Bice> You know, I think this is the only Bond movie I've never seen. I had no idea there was a blacksploitation Bond flick.
Ironf> It's ok to like this song/theme, isn't it?
BryanL> "Introducing" Jane Seymour? Dr. Quinn, Secret Agent.
Bice> Well, let's put it this way - it kicks the snot out of the Duran Duran Bond theme.
Bice> Linda composed the annoying, out-of-tune part.
Bice> I'm starting to expect Bond to be played by James Earl Jones in this one.
BryanL> This is the church, this is the steeple, open the doors and see the naked chick.
Djenk1> hit the snooze button on the girl James....left breast
Ironf> And Moore starts out bedding a gal
Ironf> He checks his watch and accidently cuts the gal's hair off with the laser
BryanL> Roger Moore, before the jowls.
Bice> Somehow I just never pictured Bond in a yellow bathrobe.
BryanL> That espresso machine can kill a man six ways from Sunday.BryanL> My Magna-Beam! WASTED on a ROCK!
Bice> And you just *know* that's gonna come in handy in the next hour or so.
Ironf> Wonder what would happen when he's too close to something metallic that weighs more than him
BryanL> Few people know this, but her name was originally supposed to be Miss Hornypussy, but they made 'em change it.
Bice> They shoulda only changed it half-way and made her Miss Moneypussy.
Ironf> GK is flying the plane
Djenk1> He has the duck 'lorange on the flight
mgrasso> the mile-high magic the gathering club
Bice> He comes over water? Does that put him in the mile-high club?
BryanL> He's being followed by the Better Business Bureau!
Ironf> Thank goodness they didn't fall into the trap of making the taxi driver Pakistani
BryanL> Since when has Felix Leiter been gay?
Bice> I love it when British actors try to do an American accent.
BryanL> World's Pudgiest Car Chases
mgrasso> look out, shaft's trying to merge!
Ironf> I see he's not used to driving on the other side of the street
Djenk1> white pimpmobile?
BryanL> Isn't that the make? Pimpmobile?
Ironf> Did he say a Omega white pimpmobile?
Bice> "Pimpmobile"? Was that an offical model in the 70s?
mgrasso> put bond in the box!
BryanL> They call him Agent Tibbs!
mgrasso> i think those are the cassette version of the LEDGERS
BryanL> Dr. Quinn, Medicine SLUT.
BryanL> Not often you see a voodoo shop in a strip mall these days.
mgrasso> slappy white lost 100 pounds to play this role
Djenk1> Al's Big & Tall Voodoo Wear
BryanL> Here at Oh Cult Voodoo Shop, they don't take no for an answer, and they don't take American Express.
mgrasso> the MAN dares to use the brothers' photo booth? BryanL> So, that must be the Pimpcave, then.
BryanL> This is cool music. They should use it for every Bond movie.
Djenk1> It must be hard to tail anyone with that damn horn cue following you around
BryanL> James Bond IS Niles Crane IN "fillet of soul".
BryanL> Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor... DAMN!
mgrasso> very slick. the soul food secret passageway
Ironf> Now the others can't read the menu
BryanL> Man, this movie's just chock full of gimmicks.
mgrasso> frederick boom boom washington there in the background
BryanL> Picard's in there? It's Star Trek Tarot?
Ironf> Always love a movie that automatically assumes that if you have a gimic hand, you can disobey laws of leverage
mgrasso> is bond in the korova milkbar? what with that lamp, and....
BryanL> James is messin' with private stock.
Ironf> I sense the watch being used in a moment
BryanL> I think it's Magnet Watch time, baby.
BryanL> When you've got a magnet watch, why use a fire escape? That's just crass.
mgrasso> funny thing is, these scenes were shot in palm springs.
Djenk1> YOu know, even the brothers have not been hipped to the manifold benefits of SHOOTING HIM RIGHT NOW!!!!!
mgrasso> next, the naked chickenn sacrifice... oh wait that was angel heart
Q> btw, was it just my imagination, or did the dear old superstation bleep out the word "honky" a few minutes ago?
Djenk1> Q: I think they did indeed bleep out "honkey"
BryanL> If it were an adjective, it'd be "honkesque".
* Q in her own honkiness wonders why tbs decided to bleep out such an adjective
BryanL> It hasn't got an upstairs, it's a BUNGALOW!
Djenk1> Damn...too much starch in my pink nightie...
BryanL> Sniffing a lady's special things... that's just wrong, Bond.
* Q hereby proclaims those curtains to be the third scariest thing in this movie
mgrasso> is it a hair brush or a gamma-ray emitter? only bond's barber knows for sure.BryanL> Send... Condoms...
mgrasso> "who.... does.... number.... 2..... work.... for??!!"
Q> hey buddy, i'm lost. ya know the way to the rec room?
Djenk1> And with every hot bath, you get a free poisonous snake!
BryanL> The champagne's not Corbel!
Ironf> 'Live and Let Looooooad!'
BryanL> A laryngitic waiter is an odd plot point, even for this movie.
mgrasso> shag carpeting and a snake. all they need is a smoking pistol and they've got their lobby card.
Ironf> improv flame-thrower scene
mgrasso> ok, can we say.... OVERKILL?
Q> poor snake
mgrasso> aqua-net fu, as joe bob might say
Q> beware her, james - she wears the scalp of gary coleman
BryanL> This movie makes a strong feminist statement.
Q> bry: yeah, it states that the feminists were wrong
Djenk1> Yep....it states clearly that James Bond is *not* a feminist...
BryanL> And their son, Gold Bond.
mgrasso> "i got cooties from rudy's big ol' booty y'all!" o/~
BryanL> "Somersault backflip! Super karate kick!"
Ironf> James in his Sea Org days
BryanL> If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you change in the hold?
mgrasso> um, so what happened to the tarot cards? and yaphet?
BryanL> She's the black secret agent Ally McBeal.
mgrasso> it was mrs. peacock, in the study, with the tarot cards
Q> great, the mumbling baltimore cop and the waify urine drinker
Ironf> In the original screenplay, they wanted the marvel comics character Brother VooDoo in it
mgrasso> well, this is silly.Ironf> She just got the big O
BryanL> Bond needs that Xena neck pinch thing.
mgrasso> country cuckoo clock zulu warriors?
BryanL> Live and Let Wakachicka!
mgrasso> action sequences shot by u.s. virgin islands office of tourism
mgrasso> roger moore really wanted the jane seymour role, you know. but he insisted that he be shot once in the FABULOUS peacock cloak annd headdress if he was to play bond.
BryanL> And now, the touching love theme orchestral rendition of "Live and Let Die"
mgrasso> the whitest sex in the world, ladies and gentlemen
BryanL> He's British, so they're actually doing it right now.
BryanL> All bound for Voodooland!
BryanL> Bond is justified and ancient.
mgrasso> well, let's see, jane's hurt and afraid... all in a night's work for bond.
BryanL> What great evil is Bond actually fighting, anyway? It's like he's just wandering around, hoping to fuck something and get into a dangerous situation.
BryanL> Chocolate CHiPs!
mgrasso> "well, the harder they come.... the harder they come" o/~
BryanL> Ah, yess, the famous Crappy Double Decker Bus Chase.
mgrasso> isn't this how bob marley died?
BryanL> No, but it's how Falco died.
mgrasso> well, he takes phone calls. think yaphet is secretly shaft's father?
BryanL> He can't, he won't, and he don't stop.
Djenk1> James Bond is a rockin the sure shot.....
BryanL> When, exactly, is the goddamn magnet watch going to come into play?
mgrasso> it's one of the two fat ladies!
BryanL> She's married to Art Bell.
mgrasso> the soulful version of the movie theme.... actual vocals supplied by linda mccartney......'s hairdresser
BryanL> So, it's Bond that screwed up all the free heroin for the rest of us? Fucking snob.
mgrasso> not many drug lords have such an innovative free heroin scheme
BryanL> Magnet watch! Magnet watch! mgrasso> magnetic watch? oh pleasepleaseplease
BryanL> This movie's just one big magnet watch tease.
mgrasso> talk about money shots... when *that* thing goes off....
BryanL> I have just three words for this movie. Mag. Net. Watch.
mgrasso> she's using the ancient "solitaire" taro formation
BryanL> Wait. They spend the whole movie playing up the magnet watch, and the only thing they use it for is the number on the back? This sucks.
mgrasso> to quote a dear friend of mine: "this is ponderous, man. this is fuckin' ponderous!"
BryanL> It's the Un-Cola.
* Djenk1 is suddenly hungry for a Mounds bar
mgrasso> is this the same drug lab from "enter the dragon"?
BryanL> You must have... emotional content.
mgrasso> alligators come runnin' for the great taste of canned chickens!
mgrasso> this is *about* as tension-filled as the lion-fighting scene in that jungle jim movie
BryanL> So... what did the whole magnet boat thing DO?
Ironf> allowed him to use the magnet watch, just ineffectivly
Ironf> And now, the river area of SpyHunter
BryanL> Or the Venice area of Tomb Raider 2.
mgrasso> her name is rio and she dances on the sand.. o/~
mgrasso> "redneck sheriff? sure, why not, throw him in there!" the director seemed to say
mgrasso> it's the MAN, guys. anyone surprised?
BryanL> I don't even remember when Cletus joined the movie.
mgrasso> i don't think cletus does either, bry
BryanL> I don't want to watch him commandeering anyone.
Ironf> commandeer till you hit teeth
mgrasso> is he chewing on a hamhock?
mgrasso> oh, it's a bandana
lando5> with Clifton James, one can never be 100% sure, Mike.BryanL> When, the fuck, exactly, did this become Cannonbond Run?
mgrasso> you can't keep a good MAN down, bry
mgrasso> it's knight boat! the crime-solving boat!
BryanL> I'm hallucinating that cop, right? He's not actually real.
mgrasso> bryan: very early 1971 CGI. engineered by the CIA, disney, and the illuminati
lando5> Hey...isn't that Dom DeLuise in the background there?
lando5> Or is that his brother, Paul Prudhomme?
Ironf> technically, Dom is in the background everywhere
mgrasso> mafia priests? in louisiana?
BryanL> So, basically, ALL of the Roger Moore bond flicks were zany madcap farces.
mgrasso> o/~ "bond on the bayou" o/~
mgrasso> wah wah wah wah WAH!!!
Ironf> ahh the old timey horn
Djenk1> o/~ This is the chase that never ends....
Djenk1> o/~ IT just goes on and on my friends...
BryanL> How much more of this movie, by weight, is this boat chase actually going to take up?
mgrasso> what weighs more, a pound of boat chase or a pound of car chase?
mgrasso> you know, that jacket should've gone up instantly with the addition of gasoline.
BryanL> So, is that it?
BryanL> Is that the big finale?
BryanL> Or is there more boats.
mgrasso> o/~ "roger needs boats. roger needs boats..." o/~
BryanL> I mean, after the commercial, we've just got the "Bond with Two Backs" epilogue and we're out, right? This isn't a bug hunt?
mgrasso> 10 meters, man!
BryanL> How can that be? That's inside the walls!
mgrasso> they're right on top of us, man!
Ironf> and the cat rolls over and bursts into flame
lando5> Um...not that I'm inferring racism or antything...but why is Roger riding in the back of the raft while the brother hauls it ashore?
Ironf> cause the English don't like to get wet
lando5> oh. thanks for clearing that up.
mgrasso> he's been the trusty sidekick all movie, lando, although i did detect a covert "black power" salute in one scene.mgrasso> he was totally off-script there
lando5> And now, we sacrifice the virgin. Huh? Oh...okay. So now, we sacrifice the white woman.
mgrasso> it's casper! the friendlly goat!
Ironf> he's teasing the Magnet watch again
mgrasso> don't look at the ark, marion!
lando5> Where can a fellow get a nice cup of Earl Grey 'round here?
mgrasso> goddamn. that goat is SMILING.
Djenk1> Flavor Flav on the voodoo tip, boooooyyyyyy
mgrasso> oh great, a swordfight.
mgrasso> wake me when it's over.
lando5> Have you tried the UNcola?
lando5> I INSIST you try the UNcola!
Ironf> ahh the fey alarm bell
mgrasso> hmmm. he's stumbled upon polo ralph lauren HQ
Ironf> Magnet Watch!
lando5> Magnet Watch! A thousand different uses!
mgrasso> if only bry were here to see this... *sniff*
Q> sharks can smell bad movie makeup from 5 miles away, you know
Q> whoohoo!
Q> gee blows up reeeeal good
mgrasso> barry von zeppelin?
mgrasso> that was the silliest goddamn thing i've ever seen.
lando5> Inflat-O-Villain...lots of laughs for your next party!
mgrasso> death by 52 pickup, eh?
Ironf> claw-fu
mgrasso> card-fu
Q> well, i guess we know what hand mr 7-up uses to hold the playboy with. ouch.
mgrasso> is that james' suitcase ful of amateur gynecological equipment?mgrasso> i hesitate to ask what we learned
mgrasso> because i learned only one thing: do not mock the power of magnet watch!
Ironf> I learned that it's best not to overuse the magnet watch for fear of running down the battery for when you really need it
Djenk1> I learned that early attempts at multiculturalism within MI5 were largely unsuccessful
lando5> I learned that if we want to shut down those damn tele-psychics, all we have to do is get them laid...uh...well, this could be easier said than done.
Q> i learned that al giardello blows up real good. sorry, that's it
