PRETZEL TIME 
mgrasso> terror in the mall???BryanL> The mall is -sinking-.
BryanL> How many pens actually do work yard stuff in a driving rain?
mgrasso> exciting lauundry action!
Ironf> ok, my power never throbs like that, it's either on or off
mgrasso> marky mark, library cop.
BryanL> The laundry's exploding!
mgrasso> don't let the laundry go over 50 miles per hour!
BryanL> Now THAT's what I call an agitate cycle.
mgrasso> monica lewinsky's dress: the true story
ServoT> Hey there on KTM...L
Ironf> KTML, too bad they passed on first showing mst
mgrasso> it's atlantis!
ServoT> It's the biosphere
mgrasso> oooh! x-files subtitles!
ServoT> DANNY Duchovney
BryanL> "Pines" Valley? Is that the right way to use a plural?
mgrasso> is that ted raimi?
BryanL> They're actually including the "making of" footage in the movie!
BryanL> Why did she hire a guy from the English Beat as her manager?
mgrasso> laurence fishburne
mgrasso> sorry. that riff misfired. i meant "forrest whitaker." i'm a dumb honky.
BryanL> Funny how this mall lacks any recognizable store names.
mgrasso> trouble? up at the dam? get GK and charlton!
Ironf> I want every outhouse, doghouse, and especially whorehouse checked within a 20 mile radius.
mgrasso> ok, so it's "the flood" crossed with "the fugitive" with a heaping helping of "the crying game."
BryanL> Could someone shut Frank Black Jr. up, already?
ServoT> There's a Mall, I'd like to mention that
mgrasso> at the high school, elderly are involved ina deadly game of super jackpot bingo.
BryanL> Can we get some cat litter on this floor?
Ironf> They bought all that equipment to predict the powerball numbers
mgrasso> oooh, timely riff, ironf
ServoT> She could open a can with those teethBryanL> The chemistry between them is borderline palpable.
mgrasso> jeri ryan's half-sister, sherry "34B" ryan
BryanL> Both of them learned their lines phonetically. They're not English speakers.
ServoT> he's hard on suits
mgrasso> the sheriff-to-civilian ratio is a little rich, i think
BryanL> Robert Vaughn and William Shatner's love child.
mgrasso> robert wagner *is* l. ron hubbard *in* the tommy lee jones story
* mgrasso prays for sync in this movie
Ironf> speaking of syncing
BryanL> Soundtrack available on Kid Rhino.
BryanL> It sounds like a Power Rangers song.
mgrasso> i think this was rejected by saban, bryan.
ServoT> Her singing career would work better with a band
BryanL> That singer's kind of a Mackenzie Phillips/Appolonia crossbreed.
mgrasso> it's the alien bounty hunter! he's working at champion sporting goods!
BryanL> So, pretty much every single thing in this movie would never, ever happen. Got it.
ServoT> Oh no, OUR PLYWOOD DAM!
mgrasso> oh! gojira!
Ironf> My tonkas!
mgrasso> wow. he's got fred williamson sideburns
mgrasso> "nice sideburns... for a honky."
ServoT> Well, the mall's opening isn't shot, they could have a wet t-shirt contest
mgrasso> so, the flood happens now, so what happens for the rest of the hour and a half?
cthulhu> That is one hell of a jaccuzi!
BryanL> Damn first class passengers, locking the doors!
BryanL> Well, at least the flood will keep our singer lady's hair down.
GersonK> The new white water rafting ball pit at DZGersonK> Umm, use the stairs in time of emergency
mgrasso> oh yeah, good. enter the death trap.
BryanL> No, Stairs are for fire. Fire's the opposite of flood, so for flood you use the elevator.
mgrasso> terror at the mall: the revenge of scrubbing bubbles.
BryanL> The music almost makes you forget the water's only knee deep.
Ironf> You know, this doesn't have the nuances that "Chopping Mall" had.
ServoT> Cuba Gooding, NO!
BryanL> Most important thing in a flood? More clothes.
mgrasso> oooh! gore-tex!
BryanL> They loot, then they drown.
GersonK> I know it's a little early, but I'd just like to say, that by that time, my lungs were...
cthulhu> Oh great the mall is flooding and there's a sale in the sport shop!
mgrasso> pack those flippers!
ServoT> haha! scooba scenes!
mgrasso> meanwhile, at "she's the sheriff" open casting call
GersonK> As a result of this flood in the heartland, looting breaks out in LA
GersonK> Oh great, a blond a brunette, a cop, a black guy, a white dork, and a murderer, it's Gilligan's Island 2000
cthulhu> The Fountainhead II: Mall Madness!
BryanL> We don't believe you're the architect, so you can prove it by leading us out of here with your architect knowledge, and we'll believe you.
mgrasso> i think the inflatable raft is actually out-acting about 5/6 of the cast here
Ironf> Umm and what is the reason that all of us together can't write movies for Fox?
BryanL> We can spell, Iron.
mgrasso> ironf: we don't know how to perform fellatio on rupert murdoch
BryanL> So, the mystery's revealed 40 minutes in?
mgrasso> i'm.... um, shocked.
GersonK> Oh thnak the lord. Take over and kill kill kill
Ironf> He couldn't get a better weapon at the sporting goods store?
mgrasso> ok, so he randomly hugs members of his hostages
BryanL> So it's flooding, sinking, there's a killer, and it's a bomb. Got it.
ServoT> TERROR AT THE FLOODED EXPLOSIVE MALL THAT'S A GAS TRAP.mgrasso> how about "sinking gap with singer and spear gun trap bomb right yes hello."
cthulhu> What next... asteriod strike? Alien invasion! The Ice-EE machine breaks down.
BryanL> In Hong Kong, this is called Five Hard Bastards in a Sinking Mall.
KevinL> What is that, a high tech Super Soaker?
GersonK> woo-hoo, wet chicks and handcuffs, suddenly I'm liking this film
BryanL> And thus, the sherriff's wife's stupid plan horribly backfires.
mgrasso> this guy's got bon mot power.
Ironf> The mall is flooding cause the levy wouldn't hold
GersonK> He's a killer and a scuba diver - what a renaissance man
KevinL> So, why is the mall flooding, and who are these guys?
BryanL> The mall's flooding and sinking 'cause there's a flood, and it's about to blow up because of methane and power generators. A killer, a sherrif's wife, a singer, a manager, and a rentacop are trapped.
mgrasso> the all-england summarize fox competition.
BryanL> Hey, maybe this is that all-porn Tit-anic movie we were talking about, Kev.
ServoT> Is the black guy's wardrobe from Star Trek or a Scifi original series?
BryanL> Self-Contrived Underwater Bonehead Actors.
KevinL> So, when does Shelley Winters get chased by the swimming Aliens.
ServoT> Exploring ancient malls
GersonK> He's an escappe from Mission Genesis
Ironf> This is the homage to Lloyd Bridges, or so i heard
GersonK> Man, TLC is really going down the tubes
BryanL> So now that you're underwater, and his gun won't work, this is when you pop his fucking airhose, turn around, and go home.
mgrasso> by this time, my lungs were aching for coherence
cthulhu> Now as ve pentrate zee dephs of the deep mall vaters in search of underzee tray-sure.
BryanL> o/~ Don't go chasing water-malls... o/~
BryanL> So, the water's up to level two, except for the parts where the water's just below the ceiling of Level 1.
mgrasso> it was very smart of this week's special guest villain to take a spear gun
cthulhu> No wait! That's nitrous oxide from the Sears Dental!
BryanL> Hold on to your wet hats, it's going to be a bumpy night.
GersonK> Ok, so if Cross is underwater, where's Odenkirk?
cthulhu> Forgive me suitcase for I have sinned.
BryanL> DID HE GET THE DIAMONDS?????
BryanL> Now they're ripping off Avalanche plot points.cthulhu> In a Tarzan movie he'd be fighting a huge rubber crocodile.
KevinL> Somebody really needs to explain that gun to me.
Ironf> It's a double action harpoon gun Kev
BryanL> They got it from the sporting goods store, Kev. Everyone knows sporting goods stores sell spearguns.
Ironf> with laser sights
KevinL> You are, of course, shitting me.
cthulhu> By that time, my lungs were aching for Cinnebonn!
KevinL> Is that, or is that not, Rob Estes?
BryanL> That's Estes.
GersonK> of Estes Park, Colorado
cthulhu> or Estes Model Flying Rockets.
Ironf> I was hoping someone would have picked up on that earlier with the Silk Stalkings riff and all
KevinL> Sitting in that cold water, about how big do you think're Estes' Testes?
BryanL> So, the water's just.... stopped rising?
KevinL> Somebody ought to just jump him during the 4-minute maneuver he has to go through every time he wants to point that gun at someone.
BryanL> The future is Forsaken. Turbulence warning.
Spatch> Is that a skipole gun that Evil Macgyver guy's carrying?
ServoT> Oh, great, it's Daylight now
KevinL> He might have an easier time climbing that ladder if he didn't keep faking how hard it is.
cthulhu> Let me put the power to him... just a little nitro baby!
KevinL> If they're are no major arteries hit, just how is it that he's losing a lot of blood.
cthulhu> *Jake Blues*This mall has everything.*/Jake Blues*
BryanL> Why is she HELPING him? If he doesn't want antibiotics, don't give 'em to him.
KevinL> She's a Made-For-Fox-Action-Movie Doctor, Bryan. The first part of the Made-For-Fox-Action-Movie Hippocratic Oath says "First do nothing smart".
Spatch> how many mallwalker miles are they getting for this?
KevinL> That gun is just so lame. Anybody pointed that thing at me I'd just laugh my ass off.
mgrasso> i call laser sight abuse
Spatch> ugh, it's one of those annoying kids at the mall with the laser pointers.
BryanL> So, enough methane to explode after gunfire?
BryanL> It's not actually a speargun, it's an anal plunger gun. They're in New York.
mgrasso> the thing is, guys, i care SO MUCH about these characters!
BryanL> What kind of plan is that with the tarp over the head?
mgrasso> he's fighting the ravenous bugblatter beast of traal. if he can't see it, it can't see him
cthulhu> Then she turns into the T-1000 and tells him to 'get out."
BryanL> You can't fly now.... flying high now....
mgrasso> one thing i can say for this movie.... it's got twists.
KevinL> Granted, they're butt-stupid twists...
mgrasso> like a large intestine crammed with parasites
BryanL> So, I call crash into the mall, making it blow up.Spatch> we're gonna tear the roof off the sucker!
mgrasso> so, two clown honks means the generators blows up?
GersonK> I'm just an ordinary guy, Blowing up the mall O\~
mgrasso> meanwhile, in minnesota, land of lakes
Spatch> we now tune into Bassmasters, already in progress.
GersonK> The warden knows a lot about watching backs
BryanL> And when I say "warden", I mean "the 70-year-old Peter Weller".
Spatch> and then jason REACHES UP FROM THE WATER and CAPSIZES THE BOAT!
BryanL> Well. That sucked.
cthulhu> David L. Wolpar... BURN IN HELL!
mgrasso> really, really, i wish it could've gone on for two more hours
