Schizotrichia by Rod Unks
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December 13, 1999
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December 20, 1999

Holy shit! I can't believe you found this "Christmas Egg" version of SCHIZOTRICHIA. How did you ever do it? Anyway, as you have noticed, I'm off taking a break or something like that. I probably won't be back because the brave Balthayzr is doing quite a good job, and I have other things to pursue. Maybe I'll pop in a little hidden feature like this from time to time, because I need a place to vent. Anyway, enjoy the most thought provoking insights you'll ever see. Continue on at your own risk!

So, when do we start sending people to Mars?

It's a good thing millenniums only come every 1000 years, otherwise we might get tired of all the hype...

It's not selfish of me to want to have kids for the sole purpose of having them trained to pee on a mall Santa's lap, right?

According to the phlebotomist working at my doctor's office, I have deep veins. This means it's okay for her to jab my arm 7 times and cause severe bruising...

Prodigy is a quality ISP. And by quality I mean a pile of maggot infested lion shit stuck between the toes of a sick elephant...

Why yes, I still do have my Halloween decorations up. Thank you for asking...

Hey, a special "fuck you" shout out to the cereal companies, because I don't need the mocking provided by your God damn coupon that saves me 50 cents on a four dollar box of cereal...

Ah, yes, nothing more sickening than seeing couples walking around arm in arm or holding hands during this, the most joyous of seasons...

And hey, because I know you laaaaaaadies care: Spermatology Home Page

Note to The Wherehouse: Big Bad Voodoo Daddy does not belong in the classical section. In fact it should be in the "Fad" section under "Swing Revival" so it stays far away from the gen-u-wine big band and swing music albums...

Remember, save your money because ribbed condoms, aren't...

Is it wrong that I secretly hope the world does end January 1st, 2000? Because I do...

There's nothing finer than going to the mall and seeing all those people spreading their cold and flu viruses...

DON'T TOUCH THE ESCALATOR HANDRAILS!

Hey, that whole wreath tied to the front of your semi/pick up truck was kinda cool until those pansy ass yuppies with their AXIS created SUVs, which you know will never go off-roading, started doing it...

Exoticon geek: Salma Hayek needs to be bent over a table and "danced on" repeatedly...

DON'T JUDGE ME!

Don't you hate it when your breath smells like sperm?

It's sad that it takes a "millennium" to make MTV play some decent music videos, albeit at 3am...

I'm pretty damned confident that I don't want no scrubs, pigeons, or bugaboos!

That Ben Stiller can do some quality work, like in "Zero Effect" or "Permanent Midnight."

Ladies, ladies, remember, we all look the same in the dark...

There's always a harder bastard out there...

Bored and feeling sadistic? Go to one of those restaurants with a jukebox, pump in $5 worth of cash, and select "Living La Vida Loca" or "Kokomo" as many times as you can before leaving...

Scrambled porn channels, aren't...

Well, they aren't until you have your pants around your ankles and are all ready to get your jerk on, because when you are, that's when the scrambling decides to kick in...

Hey, is that a nipple or an ear?

And no, I don't think there's a vast conspiracy with pay-per-view porn in which they decrease the amount of scrambling at certain times in an attempt to entice you into ordering...

Will-ennium? I don't think so...

That's right, I bought Pokemon stuff. Perhaps you'd like to judge me with my steel-toed boot wearing foot up your colon...

Damn oysters are good eatin'...

Note to self: HomeGame in-jokes tend to not have the desired affect on "normal" people, unless the desired affect is a quizzical look that says, "Grow up you sick little loon."

Then again, it's all about spreading the memes that are quality, as well as not judging people who are WEAK and don't respect the Cat.

drunks@homegame.org is in a nice, gift giving mood, but don't get your hopes up because it'll pass...hopefully.

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