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January 13, 2000

This week, bizbuzz is brought to you by:
and Billy Cardwell.

Welsh actress Catherine Zeta-Jones will promise not to raid the bank accounts of her wealthy Hollywood lover Michael Douglas when the couple marry later this year, Britain's Sun tabloid said. Under the headline ``Zeta's cash pledge,'' the paper said lawyers for the couple have been working for weeks on a pre-nuptial agreement for Douglas and Zeta-Jones, who announced their engagement on the Internet on Thursday. ``Catherine has money she has earned from films but it pales into insignificance compared to Michael's,'' it quoted an unidentified source as saying. And you know she's not with a man that's 25 years older than her because of his money and power. Oh no buddy boy. She has no Electra complex about it. She just likes aged meat. Simple as that.

A possible new Star Trek series has been pitched. It involves an elite band of trouble-shooters that traveled throughout the galaxy, dealing with volitale situations and galactic hot-spots. They would go undercover, when necessary, and deal with terrorists, pirates, etc. Current titles are Star Trek: COPS, Federation's Most Wanted, and UFOP Blue.

Sam Raimi is now slated as the top choice to film the Spiderman movie. He is also slated to be going The Gift, but word has it that Sony will pay Paramount a nice chunk to let him do all principle photog on Spidey, then do post on both movies at once. Expect lots of pov shots of the web fluid shooting from the wrist. Also, Sony may not be pleased with screenwriter David Koepp's draft and is considering hiring David Mamet to sharpen it up. Reportedly Mamet would be called in to bring a darker swirl to the existing storyline. Reported is that Spiderman will now suck blood to stay alive, just like women and the FEMALE AGENDA!

A Battlefield Earth sequel already greenlighted while the first hasn't even entered full post production yet. It's not like all the Scientos won't be ordered to attend multiple viewings of it, so you know it's gonna make bank. Hahahaha!

Actor Jan-Michael Vincent, the former "Airwolf" star was rushed to the hospital recently -- with an erection that lasted for four days. "It was very painful and doctors tried everything, but it wouldn't go down -- it was awful!" Jan told The ENQUIRER in an exclusive interview. "The medical staff in the E.R. were frantic, trying everything, but nothing worked," revealed an insider. "Jan was scared they'd have to do some kind of radical surgery and repeatedly asked the nurses if he was going to be O.K.." Jan's physician, Dr. Mark Kelly, the Chief of Urology at Saint John's Helath Center in Santa Monica, Calif., explained to The ENQUIRER: "Jan had a reaction to Trazodone, a drug that helps control anxiety-related seizures, which Jan has experienced in the past. One of the side effects to the drug for a small number of men is a prolonged, painful erection." Untreated, the condition could eventually cause impotence. Said Dr. Kelly: "Thank goodness Jan came in when he did. We have him on a different medication which is working without side effects. Jan's career is definitely on track." Please, this is too easy. Make something up yourself. Although it is nice to see that they finally admit that urologists run the film world.

Gillian Anderson was confronted about rumors that she'd be in the next Star Wars movie as a Jedi Council Member who was a student, and lover of Qui-Gon. Finally they can use the fact that she's an alien to explain her fakey red hair. As to the rumors that she'll be the new Starling in Hannibal, her current X-Files contract doesn't allow her to play an FBI agent in any other films because ray-tards can't tell the characters apart. I can see that, especially since Scully eats lots of human flesh on the X-Files, and David Ducovney looks a lot like Anthony Hopkins. Clearly people wouldn't tell it apart.

Authorities in Thailand have arrested a female university student and a male vendor on charges of "handling" copies of pirated video disks of Anna and the King, which was officially banned in the country last month. Bangkok Post said that police observed the student, Jinjutha Boonyathammakul, turn over 200 of the disks to Ravipat Sawatwattanawong in the parking lot of the Nai Lert garment market. The Post estimated that about 5,000 copies of the video disk are being sold in the market and that demand for them is high because of the ban. Police are just upset that this is cutting into their black market Bangkok morphadite sex videos.

A plot to kidnap pop singer Victoria (Posh Spice) Beckham and her baby son was foiled by Scotland Yard's elite organized-crime unit, British Sunday newspapers reported. Kidnappers planned to abduct the pair while Beckham's soccer star husband David competed in an England vs Scotland match last November, the Sunday Times reported. Mother and child were to be held captive in a North London house for ransom worth the equivalent of more than $2 million Cdn. One newspaper suggested an underworld crime figure was involved in the planning. Police placed an undercover officer with the couple's security detail and put their house under 24-hour surveillance. Other officers kept watch over the 25-year-old Spice Girl and her 10-month-old son Brooklyn. Newspapers said kidnappers did not go past the planning stage and no arrests were made because who really could blame them? Posh is the hottest of the group after all. Who wouldn't want to tie her to a bed using her own nylon stockins and put a blindfold on her and...nevermind.

In a joint interview on CNN Monday, Time Warner's Gerald Levin and AOL's Steve Case discussed the role of Ted Turner in the merged company. Responding to an observation by CNN anchor Stuart Varney that it appeared to him that Turner had been "eclipsed by this new economy company," Levin replied, "Clearly not." He said that Turner had participated in the merger discussions and was "an inspiration for us." Levin added: "Ted is far more than just the vice chairman of this new company or the largest individual shareholder. It's his ideas that have really stimulated us." Case chimed in: "Ted has always been a hero of mine. ... And, always, these discussions have some ups and downs, and any time things were slowing down, Ted would be the one to say, 'Keep at it, Steve, keep at it, Steve, we want to make this happen." Later, Turner himself commented that he helped consumate the marriage of AOL and Time Warner "with as much or more excitement and enthusiasm as I did on that night when I first made love some 40 years ago." I'll let that sink in for a bit.

Actor Max Wright, best known for playing the father in the 1980s television comedy, ``ALF,'' was arrested Monday on suspicion of drunken driving following an accident on a Los Angeles freeway, police said. A police spokeswoman said the accident on the Hollywood Freeway occurred at 10:30 a.m. PST. No one was injured but officers investigating the crash arrested Wright. The actor portrayed Willie Tanner as the patriarch in the TV comedy about a furry ``Alien Life Form'' (ALF) from 1986 to 1990. When reached for comment, ALF responded, "HA!"

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