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July 29, 1999

This week, bizbuzz is brought to you by:
and guest writer Rod Unks.

Leading this week's bizbuzz is the news of another E-Bay failure. Following in the footsteps of the guy who tried to sell his soul at the on-line auction house, Peter "Spank My" O'Toole, tried to sell a development option on a 1997 book called "Fighting for the First Amendment" for a minimum of $250,000. Sadly, he actually got a genuine $5000 offer and ONLY one fake bid (people, I expect more from you). That's not all though. Living up to Hollywood standards, it turns out O'Toole is the former publicist of the book's author, Cory Dunham, who never gave Pete the rights to do anything with the book in the first place. Wa wa wa waaaaaaaa.For trying to move the tainted world of Hollywood wheeling and dealing onto the Internet, Peter gets this week's coveted HGNews, "Eat Me Raw" award. However, for trying to sell a high profile item for an outrageous price that didn't belong to him, Mr. O'Toole also gets this week's, "I Got Big Balls, But All I Got Was Kicked In Them" award, also known as the, "I Just Blew Up The World Trade Center With A Rental Truck, Can I Get My Deposit" award.

In other humerous parts of the universe, a movie clerk in Texas was beaten by two teens that she refused to sell tickets to for a certain R rated feature.

"American Pie," or "AmPie" as we call it in the biz, has allowed director Paul Weitz and his tag-along brother Chris to take their pick of Hollywood projects. Their next one: rewritting the 1943 Don Ameche vehicle, "Heaven Can Wait" into a Chris Rock vehicle tentatively titled, "I Was Made To Love You." The story focuses on a man reliving his sins to gain entry to heaven. Apparently, some of the sins being discussed are using the Lord's name in vain over 173 million times, sodomizing a fruit cup, being black, and having sex in the champagne room.

In the continuing adventures of "I Want To Be In The Spotlight," "X-Files" star and non-Emmy nominee, David Duchovny, has casted doubts on previous statements in which he says he doesn't want to continue doing the character of Fox Mulder. In an interview, Mr. Tea Leoni, whose contract ends this year, said he would probably sign on for another year if the possibility arose. Next week, expect a release from Duchovny's people about him being sick and tired of Mulder and glad that this is the planned final year of the "X-Files."

What seems to be the 90s trend towards a more "sensitive and caring" media, the staff at George magazine is thinking about delaying the release of the next issue, which should disappoint all 8, er, now 7, subscribers. The reason? The issue's feature is a profile on carpenter Harrison Ford and touches on his new movie, "Random Hearts," a film in which a couple is killed in a plane crash. Now that's a shame.

In a tribute to the late Stanley Kubrick, Tom Cruise has decided to extend the filming time of the John Woo helmed, "Mission Impossible 2: Electric Bugaloo," which, contrary to reports in the Star, does not involve a mission trying to make Tom Cruise straight. Bowing to the OTIII powers of the great Scientologist, Paramount has moved the film from its Christmas time release date to the Memorial Day weekend next year.

Continuing the fine tradition of stealing crap from the British, Disney/ABC has started looking for contestants to play "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." The game, imported from England and to be hosted by TV's Regis Philbin, promises to be the most lucrative primetime quiz show EVER, awarding winners with ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Unlike normal game shows where potential contestants have to go to the city the show is taped in, "Millionaire" lets people call a 1-900 number to try out, as well as get a psychic reading and phone sex. Airing in mid-August, executive producer Mike Davies says the show is, "a general knowledge show in the truest sense. We're not looking for rocket scientists or Ph.D.s. We want real people with the guts to take risks on what they don't know." We at HGNews wish all the regulars at Ain't It Cool the best of luck in the contestant try-outs.

From the "Hollywood Is Filled With Ray-tards" file, MGM is planning on producing "Rocky VI." The movie would star, be written and directed by porn star and part-time restaurant owner, Sylvester Stallone. MGM wants the film to be made as a "low-budget" sequel. To maintain the low cost, the film will use and expand upon the traditional and cheap technique, so skillfully employed in the prior films ("Rocky III", "Rocky IV", etc.), known as "the Flashback." Rumors from MGM insiders say the film will reveal the events from the end of Rocky I through V were all figments of a comatose Rocky Balboa's imagination. As if another Rocky weren't enough, MGM also hopes to make a new Pink Panther movie and a "Rollerball" remake.

The New York Post reports Steven Spielberg, upon viewing the final cut of the DreamWorks product, "The Hauntng," berated director Jan De Bont and made him his bitch. Spielberg, with the furious anger of a Nazi stormtrooper reportedly ripped DeBont "a new anatomy" with his personal rape kit. DreamWorks weasel, spokesman, and part-time 4th grader, Marvin Levy, denied the reports because it "doesn't sound like Steven," although he conceded Steven ordered certain scenes to be reshot.

Moving before studio execs are able to see him fail in "Runaway Bride," Richard Gere and Bob Altman will team up for the rom-com, "Dr. T and the Women." The movie is about a gynecologist going through a mid-life crisis who is tested by unusual occurances involving the women in his life. It's still unknown who will play the role of the gerbil.

Over the past weekend, poorly reviewed "The Haunting," the re-make of "The Haunting", pulled in an insane $33 million dollars. Many critics, afraid of losing their power over hoi polloi, claim that people dismissed the bad reviews because no amount of negative word can counteract the power of Catherine Zeta-Jones' arse. Disney's equally panned 80 minute film, "Inspector Gadget," starring Matthew "Vehicular Manslaughter" Broderick managed to wrangle $22 million from parents and S&M freaks further proving the dollar power of people into whips, chains, and gadgets. Meanwhile, "Star Wars: Episode I" crossed the $400 million mark pulling in $4.2 million this weekend - the movie's going down faster than a cheap Thai hooker cut to look like Kate Winslet on the Titanic.

Here are the weekend's top ten:
1. The Haunting$33 million
2.Inspector Gadget$22 million
3.American Pie$10.3 million
4.Eyes Wide Shut$9.9 million
5.Big Daddy$6.1 million
6.Lake Placid$5.5 million
7.Wild Wild West$5.4 million
8.The Wood$4.9 million
9.Tarzan$4.8 million
10.Star Wars: Episode I$4.2 million.

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