Because the trailer is the true test of a movie's quality!


September 28
September 21
September 07
August 31
August 24
August 03
May 08
February 16

December 23
September 03
August 27
Ratings Explanation


Meet the Parents
Meet the Parents

First off, I'd like to say “fuck you” to the site designers over there at Universal Pictures for their “Meet the Parents” website. Thanks to their ineptitude at linking QuickTime, I was unable to get the film's trailer in that preferred format. Instead, I find myself stuck with a piece of shit Microsoft Media Player .ASF file. Boy, those Redmond geniuses really love their bloatware, and thank you so much, Mr. Gates, for the added “feature” that prevents me from using a screen capture program to snap an image from it. Of course I can't help but wonder if this was a power play on the part of Universal, thus demonstrating the power of HGNews. Have they finally made the association that whatever it is we like* ends up not doing so hot while what we dislike** seems to succeed in some way? Do they think that by not providing an easily reviewable trailer they'll prevent me from raving about the movie, thus ensuring its box office failure? Only Peter Dragon knows, but I can ensure you this movie will not fail at the box office despite the fact I want to make sweet, sweet love to this motion picture.

The trailer stars off with some happy, peppy instrumental music – it's lighthearted, it's cheesy, and it sets the wonderfully comedic tone. Right off the bat we're introduced to the premise of the movie: Greg Foker, played by Ben Stiller***, has found the girl with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life. However, before being able to ask for her hand in marriage, he must “Meet the Parents,” played by Blythe Danner**** and Bobby DeNiro*****. We're introduced to DeNiro's smirking father character when Stiller and his girlfriend pull up in front of her parents' house in a green CLI Taurus. DeNiro immediately asks about the rental car and Stiller tells him the guy at the counter picked it. Sadly, DeNiro comments the rental car's color choice is one often chosen by geniuses, but Stiller didn't pick it. In a lesser movie with lesser stars, a stupid line, but Stiller's quirkiness and DeNiro's overall psycho look just sells it. Good move on the trailer makers' part because the scene really establishes the humorous interaction between the actors.

The preview moves on to one of many scenes showing some of the undoubtedly great chemistry between DeNiro and Stiller. This one has DeNiro mocking Stiller's profession choice of becoming a nurse with some other friends. DeNiro is a damn good actor****** and his services as a straight man do not go wasted. The next scene is around the dinner table with Stiller talking about how he once milked a cat, and how you can milk anything with nipples. DeNiro, with that winning look on his face, asks if he could be milked since he has nipples. C'mon people, a serious looking DeNiro asking if he can be milked because he has nipples is comedy gold*******.

Next we move onto a scene which is clearly for all the laaaaadies in the movie house – Ben Stiller wearing Speedos. Sure, he's no Lenny Krayzelburg or Russian Rocket, but who is********? Stiller, DeNiro, and a few friends decide to take on some of the ladies of the family in a game of water volleyball, unfortunately Stiller decides to use some leftover Mr. Furious juice and spikes the ball hard into the face of his girlfriend's sister leaving her with a black eye*********. As is tradition with these types of movies, things just keep getting worse and worse for our hero as he continues to dig and dig for the precious comedy gold which, in the next clip, stars a lie detector. When we find out DeNiro was an ex-spook**********, it all makes sense why he has the machine in his house, and why he offers to hook Stiller up to it. While the ensuing dialogue is fairly predictable************ it still delivers the laugh because of the way Stiller delivers his responses and reacts to the results.

The trailer, after offering some big laughs, begins its wind up with DeNiro mentioning that he's a patient man because he spent 19 months in a NAM prison camp and will be watching Stiller, and with a NAM line like that, how can you not enjoy this movie? Stiller, being more paranoid than a marijuana addict, begins to suspect every item in his guest room as being a bug, causing him to attack a smoke detector*************. With the nation's obsession with gross-out comedies still present, it's not too surprising that fecal matter works its way into the film. When Stiller flushes the den toilet, backing up the septic tank, the lawn becomes a giant waste pond which doesn't help when a truck gets stuck and sprays the entire family with a mixture of urine and crap that would make the denizens of proud. Not helping matters is Stiller's bumbling antics which downs a power line causing the front yard to go up in flames. To end, the trailer has DeNiro************** watching Stiller do some Mr. Furious inspired kung-fu and mock him over one of his spycam set-ups. In the end, all is good.

Naturally, a funny trailer makes you wonder if the movie will really be all that great, because the trailer people might have blown their wad and put all the good stuff in it. The feel of the trailer says that's not the case and you won't be saying, “All the jokes were in the trailer” when you leave the theater. Overall, the movie captures all the beauty and anxiety that is meeting the parents. I urge everyone to rush out and take a hostage to see this movie with you. Based on the strength of the trailer, I can say this movie is that good. Hell, forget taking “a hostage,” take five or ten with you! You know what, I will kick you in the nutzzzzzzzz if you DON'T see this movie without a hostage. Like a sadistic Santa, I will know if you've seen it or not…I will be watching you, and I WILL BRING YOU DOWN TO CHINATOWN! SO GO SEE IT! NOW! Are you still reading this? Dammit, go get your hostages and get your asses in line IMMEDIATELY!

*"Action," "Sports Night," "Upright Citizens Brigade," "Mystery Men," etc.
**And there are way too many to list.
***Who is not being chased by a black troll and is not looking to kill Doug Szathkey.
****That's Gwyneth "Fatso" Paltrow's mom.
*****Who still exclusively dates black women and takes them to Nobu.
******Except for that whole "Rocky and Bullwinkle" thing.
*******Oh dear God mine that gold and mine it hard.
********And I mean aside from Lenny Krayzelburg or Alexander "Russian Rocket" Popov themselves, respectively.
*********Bigger than one that could be caused by a drunk with a good right cross.
**********That means he worked for the CIA for those of you who aren't up on your government code talk or don't read Echelon***********
***********Insert your own "Who does?" joke here.
************Like stuff about watching porno, having sex with his daughter, and sending Discworld packages.
*************Honestly, why would you hide something in a smoke detector? A far better place would be behind a mirror or inside a bong.
**************Who's holding a cat in his arms because he truly respects the cat and is auditioning for Dr. Claw in the "Inspector Gadget" sequel.

Milk your hostage's nipples!

Review by




Stiller's milking technique could come in handy for people with gerbil sized members wanting to ask "Who's the CEO?!"


And the theme ingredient for today's "Iron Chef" is milk from Robert DeNiro!


Stiller says "I pass to the grass" as he convinces DeNiro that "Puff the Magic Dragon" was about a boy's love for marijuana.


Is Stiller lying or is Japan having an earthquake?


Joe Lieberman will blame this movie when black eyes become the hottest new fad out of Hollywood.


Did you send a Discworld package from Maryland, Jami--Greg?


Hidden camera? Are you looking at me? ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?!


Who'd have guessed that DeNiro was such a big Three Stooges fan?


Fire! Fire! Fire! Another one goes up in smoke!


Return to HGNews