Because the trailer is the true test of a movie's quality!


Ratings Explanation


The 13th Warrior

The 13th Warrior is a conglomeration of a few classic movie ploys. We get the "fish outta water" crossed with a "trial by fire" deal.

Tony here is our star. He is a peaceful guy living his life until he spots the King's wife. He falls in love with the Queen and is banished from the kingdom.

He leaves out on his own and enters another kingdom this is in the middle of a war with some demons or something that eat the guys they kill. For some reason, Tony ends up on a team of 13 warriors that are sent to destroy the enemy. He's never fought or anything, so he has to learn alone the way. In the end I'm guessing he's the one that destroys the evil or something. Who knows.

The trailer features a very nice backbeat music that goes into the chants that were so hot around 5 years ago. Action looks to be typical of what you'd find in a D&D type movie. All in all I'd go watch it.


Chill Factor

Chill Factor features Cuba Gooding Jr. and Skeet Ulrich as two bumblers that end up with a deasly chemical weapon. This weapon must be kept at 50 degrees or it will go off. Boy howdy, it's a good thing that Cuba drives an ice cream truck. There are lots of explosions and such too.

Boy, where to start. For one, that's a pretty dopey premise. Another is they give away one of the "humor" points by revealing that Skeet uses a gun that doesn't work to hijack Cuba and his ice cream truck.

Now lets move to some of the exciting dialogue that get's featured.

"I'm a professional, this isn't going to hurt a bit."
"I'm a amateur, this is gonna hurt like hell!"

This is the closing line in the trailer, which fades out at just the right time.

"Aaagh we're gonna die!"
"Put your hands down my pants."
"We about to die and you want me to do some freaky sh..."

And the big clincher is some of the voice over during the trailer.

"This fall, these guys have to hold and and keep their cool."
"...and everything is really heating up"

I give this the worse rating I can. Simply the worse.

Nice use of background and font, I guess.

She's quite a looker, except for that whole veil thing.

I bet Melanie Griffith sees this face every day.

Wanna play some bridge?

Boy I know *I* sure wouldn't have thought to make the titles looked iced over.

Paging scientist Howard, scientist Fine, scientist Howard.

Number of seconds for the theater to clear out once the movie starts.

I expect people to yell "show me the funny" but it's a shame because it's absent.

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