We'd like to set aside this time to explain our ratings system and allow you to connect them to the specific pictures so that you may, in the future, be able to just look at the graphic and immediately know our opinion.

We now present our ratings in descending order from best to worst.

This indicates that you should immediately go out and kidnap someone as soon as the movie opens and take them to see it. This is the kind of movie that should have people lining up like that Episode One movie that the kids were talking about a while back.

This is only slightly worse than our first entry. Still, it's good enough to go and pay the outrageous prices that theaters charge. You'll find that most good movies will fall into this category.

Here we have the middle of the road rating. This is the type of movie I'd rent on tape or dvd instead of shilling out the good money at a theater. Get a few friends and split the cost; it's all good.

AVOID! Don't even think about renting this piece of "film" on a night when the shelves are empty and there is nothing on television. These are the kinds of movies that, upon showing to friends, you get mocked for actually paying anything to see.

If I see anyone standing in any sort of line to see a film that gets this rating, I will kick them square in the nutzzzzz.