July 09, 2000
This month, we've decided to spread the word of an exciting new game that's sweeping the virtual community, or at least will be after its exposure in this new Fun and Games! Being the good and honest scientists we are, we have to cite our sources and tell you that this fun game comes courtesy of ZDTV's “Internet Tonight,” which is the television home of one of our dearest friends, THE SURF GURU. In the spirit of last month's “E-bay: The HomeGame,” we've decided to let the Internet provide you with an exciting and time consuming group game. Since we live in a competitive society where everyone is constantly judged on how good they are at their job, how good they are at sports, how good they look, how rich they are, how smart they are, how good they find treasure, how good a gladiator they are, or how good they can open a can of green olives, we've decided to provide a game that promotes this behavior. Sure, we thought it'd be smarter to not do this, but that would require us to think up a new game or activity, and we're busy planning for the Gateway convention. Hell, Albert finally agreed to get out of those dingy suits he always wears in favor of a cool HomeGame bowling shirt, so we can't miss this convention event of the month. As we were saying, since everyone eventually needs to search for something on the Internet, why not use a god-like search engine like Google to provide you with some entertainment while tying up some precious bandwidth that some 14 year old is using to download Britney Spears MP3s and fake nudes (Albert is still upset that DoGB0n3 tried to fool him with those “real” Spears nudes)? That's where INTERNET SMACKDOWN comes into play. We can't promise it will be more entertaining than “E-bay: The HomeGame” since you can't play INTERNET SMACKDOWN alone, but still, it comes close.
INSTRUCTIONS: First, you need to open up as many web browser windows as people who will be playing the game, if you're only going to use one computer. Now, send the browsers to the bestest search engine EVER, Google. Once there, have a person not playing the game, we'll call him the geeky gamemaster, give a random word that s/he's thinking of. The competition begins because now you and the people you're playing against have to come up with an item, name, phrase, etc. that contains the geeky gamemaster's word. No two players can have the same item, name, phrase, etc., so it's best for all of you to yell out your item, name, phrase, etc. the instant you come up with one. Yes, yes, you're asking, “Why do I want to come up with an item, name, phrase, etc.?” Well, calm down, we're getting there. In fact, we're there right now, because you're trying to choose an item, name, phrase, etc. using the geeky gamemaster's word that will give you the most found items in a Google search. You must SMACKDOWN the other players, hard, using the Internet. So, let's say Albert and I are playing this fabulous game and Max Planck comes along with the special word, “Pam.” I choose “Pam non-stick spray,” and Albert chooses “Pam Anderson.” In this battle, Albert would win because “Pam non-stick spray” only has 1,178 items, whereas “Pam Anderson” has 95,800 items. It's fun, isn't it?! And you can play over and over and over and over again until your fingers bleed and your brain melts!
ESTIMATED TIME FOR COMPLETION: As with last month's game, as long as you want, but our studies indicate that enjoyment time varies inversely with the IQ of the participants and more is always merrier. Also, the more competitive with name calling you get and the naughtier the magic word is, the better the game gets.
NOTE: We, HGNews, HGI, or any other affiliated party is not responsible for any mental, emotional, or physical harm caused due to your participation in this exercise. We also are not responsible for harm caused to your social life or negative employment/productivity consequences because you do not have the will power to pull yourself away from this activity.