Welcome to Day One of the Gateway Con. Your weary updaters finally rolled out of bed at the crack of noon with the knocking at their door of EJ with “quality” bowling shirts. Finally, we could walk around and people would know who to hate at a cursory glance, freeing them from accidentally engaging us in conversation and finding out too late that they shouldn't be talking to us.

After giving us a bit of time to freshen up, we were off to the Anheuser-Busch brewery for some FREE booze. Soon, we know the secret of beechwood aging. After the tour, we were taken to the hospitality room, were we could sample many of their fine, fine products. We hear the SatNews people were going to take the tour and MST it. What a BRILLIANT concept that totally would have worked because of the vast amount of comedy potential present in discussions of beer vats, hops, and giant packaging machinery.

Then we were back to the hotel to finish registering. While there, the rest of the HG arrived and we are joined by BryanL, KevinL, Thayer, BEMaven, and the rest. After allowing them time to check in and unpack, we all met in EJ's room for some pizza and bad film. “El Intoxico” and “Glen or Glenda” were almost enough to keep people from eating the pizza, or at least letting it settle in their stomachs. During lulls in conversation, THX showed EJ his fancy new Nokia-Fu before deciding to experiment with the tried and true 50/50 ratio. After a 60/40 trial was seen as too little an improvement, the new, magical 80/20 was discovered. From then on, it was FUN time.

Happy fun laser bowling was the next event. Jamie, who was suffering from the previous night's drinking, showed us all his “Miami Vice” styling habits and forgot his socks. He's sure to get an “exotic” fungus or STD from that, and when he does, we'll give you an update. Bryan, the god who bowls, was distracted by the shiny laser Floyd show on Jamie's bald head and his game was totally ruined. Two games is all we had time for before Jamie couldn't take the burning sensation in his feet and we needed to get to the theater for the special showing of “X-Men.”