World Mourns Aqua Breakup
In an unprecedented show of global solidarity, the United Nations flew all of its flags ag half-staff today, to commemorate the passing of Danish pop group, Aqua.
UN General Secretary Kofi Annan said, "Today, we join with our Danish brethren in mourning the passing of Aqua. Music is the language of the soul, and the loss of any artist diminishes us all. Plus, that Barbie Girl song was really catchy. I remember right after the album came out, I went over to Boutrous Boutrous-Ghali's house, got stoned, and listened to that one song for, like, four hours straight. I still know most of the lyrics. Want to see?"
The press conference ended unexpectedly at that point.
Aqua, who rose to promince with the release of "Barbie Girl", fell from prominence shortly after the release of "Barbie Girl". While they were working on a new album, apparently things weren't going so well, so the band issued a statement: "We are taking a break until further notice. Our group has lost its sparkle." (Actual Quote).
"Sparkle", of course, is the 14-year-old orphan hermaphrodite prostitute the band purchased with their settlement money from the Mattel lawsuit. Sparkle escaped last week, and the band has, understandably, had a difficult time creatively since then.
The band announced that, following the breakup, two of the band's members, Lene and René, will pursue solo careers, while the remaining two band members, Søren and Claus, will pursue a joint solo career as a duet, and spend their nights on the streets of Copenhagen, searching desperately for Sparkle.
In addition, a Christmas single the band recorded prior to the breakup, "I'm A Hard-To-Find Holiday Barbie Girl", will be released in the spring of 2002.
In a related story, all four members of A-Teens, the teenage Abba cover band, committed suicide yesterday after mis-hearing the news. In celebration of their joyous deaths, the UN's flags would return to normal tomorrow, the Secretary General said. "I fucking hated Dancing Queen the first time," Annan explained.
