Monday Quickies
What do you do when you can't find a story meaty enough to base an entire NewsBreak off of? You fall back and turn to the short format that a Weekend Update or a Daily Show uses and hope nobody notices. President Bush has made an important decision regarding the controversial stem cell research question. Under his proposal, researchers could have all the stem cells they want as long as they let him keep the leaf cells to smoke.
Osmosis Jones pulled in a disappointing $5.5 million at the box office this weekend, proving that Hollywood has overestimated either America's love of feature animation, or their tolerance for Bill Murray farting and puking.
Today, President Bush spoke out on Middle Eastern violence while playing golf in Texas. He said both sides in the Israel-Palestine conflict must demonstrate the will to stop violence. And, really, if you're going to convince two centuries-long enemies to set aside their differences and end a cycle of bloodshed, what better venue than a Texas golf course to do it from?
Fox has entered into a deal with the producers of "That 70's Show" to produce a sitcom set in the Reagan-era early 80's. I would like to personally thank Fox for finally having the courage to step forward and do something about the drought of leg-warmer jokes that has crippled our society for far too long.
Will the audience for continued coverage of the divorce of Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise please comply quietly with your forced reloaction to the New Mexico desert? Thanks. And be advised that the nuclear missiles currently targeting that desert are merely there to welcome you to your new neighborhood.
And hurry up, because we're going to have to make room for the Condit audience pretty soon.
Word on the street is that Warner Brothers is working on two "sequels" to Space Jam. "Race Jam", mixing the classic toons with NASCAR racing, and "Spy Jam", possibly starring opposite Jackie Chan. I can only assume after that will be the two porn sequels, Face Jam and Spurt Jam.
Robert Duncan Tom Paris McNeill Jingleheimer Schmidt, whose name is my name too, says that the new Trek series, "Enterprise", will be "going for a lot of humor, and Scott Bakula is very funny." He also used the word "goofy". Surprisingly, he wasn't talking about the new uniforms. Still, it's a promising sign. If there's one thing Trek's critics over the years have harped upon, it's the need for the creators to make Trek more "goofy".
Rock over London, rock on Chicago. "Samurai Jack", for all your samurai animation needs.
