It's Not A Face (4/8/98)
NASA announced today what every rational person on the planet already knew. That thing, on Mars, that kind of looked like a giant face? It's not a giant face. NASA sent one of its surveying orbital camera thingies, that happened to be there to do useful things, over to where the rock formation was, took some more pictures, and voila. Problem solved. Not a face.The implications of this discovery are twofold:
First, this means that aliens aren't, in fact, in charge of the phone company. (Little contest here. First person to correctly identify this reference to me via e-mail gets their name worked into a future NewsBreak. Yeah, it's a doofy prize, but it's a doofy little web page, so at least there is symmetry.)
Second, this means that the thousands of people who have been wasting their lives up to this point with various delusional beliefs and such related to this alleged "face" will have to stop that, and begin wasting the remainder of their lives coming up with excuses, rationalizations, and NASA conspiracy theories to negate the new evidence. Get cracking, folks.
In a related story, the National Science Foundation today released the results of a $5.2 million study entitled "Vertical Fault Shearage in Concrete Pedestrian Causeways and Its Relation to Spinal Injuries in Women Who Have Given Birth". The study proves, once and for all, that stepping on a crack does not, in fact, break your mother's back.
