New Info Released in Diana Crash (3/2/98)
Investigators in France unearthed the most startling revelation yet regarding the death last year of Princess Diana. During the month of February, 1998, less than .05% of all world news coverage dealt with the fatal car crash, and its aftermath, in any way, shape or form.To ensure that this trend will not continue into March, details of the princess' will and new recollections of the crash's sole survivor have come to light.
On the bequeathing front, the world was stunned to learn that Diana had left pretty much everything she owned to her children. Millions of royalty-crazed Americans rushed to change their wills to match Diana's, only to find they were already planning to do the same. A few misguided souls are now leaving all their possessions to a pair of teenage princes, but legal experts expect that to be sorted out in a matter of months.
The sole survivor of the crash, bodyguard Trevor Rees-Jones, is quoted as claiming to now remember a female voice calling out "Dodi" after the crash, flashbulbs going off all around the car, and Madonna having sex with him right before the crash.
Former prime minister John Major, one of the guardians of Diana's sons, said the young princes "would like their mother's memory respected and not distorted with wild rumor and tasteless and tacky activities." The world's major media organizations, however, responded with a tersely typed "Nyah nyah, too late."
