EDITORIAL: Pam and Tommy and Freaks Like You (2/27/98)

Pam and Tommy are getting married. Pam and Tommy are breaking up. Pam and Tommy are back together and having a baby. Pam and Tommy are taping their sex and the tapes out and you can buy the tape and you can pay to watch the tape over the Internet. Tommy hit Pam. Pam and Tommy are getting a divorce.

Let it be known that the NewsBreak editorial staff supports and accepts all differing opinions. That said . . . what the hell is wrong with you people? Why do you care?

I mean, first, there's Tommy Lee. He's a member of Motley Crue, a hair-metal band twenty years past its "prime", and its "prime" sucked too. I mean, if Tommy's the standard by which we judge celebrity, how come E! isn't following the members of Quiet Riot around? Why isn't my E-Mail inbasket being flooded with spam hawking the sex tapes of the various members of Cinderella, Ratt, and Dee Snyder? Tommy friggin Lee? He's barely a false echo on the cultural radar, and I can't get away from his name.

And Pamela. Oh, dear, sweet, bionic Pamela. I realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but anyone who thinks Queen Miss Freaky Eyebrows champion 1987-1998 inclusive is attractive is a seriously messed up beholder. Seek help. Now. And, what, exactly, has the soon to be once again Miss Anderson (nee Mrs. Lee) actually done to warrant being mentioned on the national news? She made it onto Baywatch, which proves that . . . she has breasts. Which we knew. And, of course, Barb Wire, the movie whose sole benefit to society was that it prevented any further movies starring Pamela. This, in the industry, is known as the "Leonard Part VI" effect.

I'm still amazed at the fact that Pam made it past the high standards of the Baywatch casting department. It's too bad we couldn't prove the continued existance of the casting couch, since, if she -had- slept with Hasslehoff to get the part, it'd be the one shining moment of pure bravery in an otherwise lackluster life.

To summarize the summary of the summary: If you stop looking at them, maybe they'll go away.