That's right kids, it's been 10 weeks since Schizotrichia first brought you...stuff! So enjoy this retrospective look back at Schizo's past and greatest moments as decided upon by a focus group made up of five accountants, three gang members, and two Catholic priests.
Guys, if you want to break up with a girl without having the messy post-relationship clean-up, try this: Invite her over to watch a romantic movie at your place, put your arm around her at a romantic moment, then grab her hair, pull her head back, and whisper in her ear using the most psycho voice you can, "I'm gonna fuck you like a rabid dog." She'll struggle, and you'll let her get away because once she bolts out that door, you'll NEVER have problems with her again...
If she's into that, there's no reason why you should be breaking up with her in the first place...
I do not advocate giving poisoned food to homeless people to put them out of their misery...
I've been told that a plot by a novice against expert plotters is never 100% successful, and that they should watch their backs...
Don't you think that when you have to pay for shipping AND handling, you should get to voice what kind of handling you want. I'd pay extra for a hot babe to rub my items between her items, ifyaknow what I mean...
There is no doubt in my mind that Race Bannon and Dr. Benton Quest are gay lovers...
Not that there's anything wrong with that...
I would suggest growing your own marijuana, because I've heard through reliable sources that the government has planted millions of microscopic transmitters in weed sold on the street so they can track people who smoke the chronic...
ALWAYS wear underwear and pants when you deep fry something...
Don't you hate it when your penis gets stuck in a Gatorade wide mouth bottle when you're getting your jerk on? That's why I use The Jerker...
How come Robbie "I'm not going out on the first question" the Ray-tarded llama boy hasn't committed suicide yet?
I like using Internet Explorer to look at AICN. I can use the pointy index finger to pick the nose of that gay winking Knowles head...
I've said it once and I'll say it again - not enough movies these days end with a bustin' and breakin' dance off...
Porn rental tip #3: Rent a movie like "Casablanca" when you rent porn. That way, you just don't look like a guy who likes girl on girl action, but a cultured guy who enjoys girl on girl action.
If alive today, Jesus would easily be doing porn...
People with Jesus or Darwin fish on their cars prove that neither Jesus or Darwin are correct...
DO NOT jokingly use pubic hairs to floss your teeth because women don't think it's funny...
Dear LL Cool J, "Deepest, bluest, my hat is like a shark's fin?" Your lyrical well is officially dry, get in line behind Snow, Vanilla Ice, and MC Hammer...
I bet so many women wouldn't get yeast infections if they didn't pleasure themselves with bread sticks...
"What is a crack whore, Alex" is not said enough on Jeopardy...
To all strangers sitting next to me on a plane/bus/etc. or standing in front/behind me in a line, please do not try to engage me in casual conversation. I'm not looking to make new friends while I'm travelling some place or buying milk and Playboys. Supermodels, celebrities, and other "hot chicks" are exempt...
William H. Macy is an awesome actor...
Stock up on porn my friends, because come Y2K when you're sitting in your bunker, you're gonna wish you had something else besides that 1995 Playboy with Jenny McCarthy to get your jerk on to...
Will scientists ever be able to improve on toilet paper?
Don't call me depraved because I'd pay money to see the prim and proper character of Queen Amidala bent over a straight back chair getting naughty things done to her...
DON'T JUDGE ME!