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December 24, 2000

First Charles Schultz and now this...

Victor Borge died today at the age of 93. Seatbelt yourself to your chair and turn your monitor upside-down in tribute.

December 20, 2000


Sandra Bullock is shaken, but okay, after her plane skidded on ice and ran off of the runway upon landing in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, on Wednesday. The plane was damaged, but none of the four passengers needed any medical attention.

In her 1999 movie, Forces of Nature, Sandra and Ben Affleck were stranded in Florida when a similar thing happened to their characters in the movie. Expect that Bullock's boyfriend (Bob Schneider) will strip in a gay bar in Laramie to make money, and Sandra will do anything to make us forget Speed 2. The script has already been optioned by Dreamworks, starring Bullock and supporting roles played by Stockard Channing and Mrs. Piggy.

Schwimmer, Bring Me Your Torch

During the summer, it was Millionare. Next year, it will be Friends. The show, of course, is Survivor. CBS has decided to show Survivor II: The Australian Outback on Thursdays at 8 pm. For the first time in over 15 years, NBC's Must See TV is in real jeopardy. To retaliate, NBC is changing their future plots of their cash cow. Monica will snap and cook Joey for Valentine's Day, Chandler will start walking around naked, and Phoebe will scab her legs over in a freak shaving accident. As Matt LeBlanc said, "We're already as thin as the first Survivor cast was at the end. Who'd notice the difference?"

Then again, you really should be watching Gillmore Girls. If the WB is smart, they'll move its timeslot.

Thanks A Whole Fucking Lot

Robert Downey Jr. has officially been put on parole from his 1996 drug arrest and jail sentence. Of course, this has nothing to do with his arrest on Thanksgiving for playing with the SUPERMETH. Since he is now on parole, he can now be returned to jail and have a swastica tattooed on his ass by Vern Schillinger.

Helen Hunting Again

Helen Hunt is divorcing our favorite schitzophrenic, Hank Azaria. Mrs. "Forget About Mad About You" and Mr. "I'm Mr. Burns and Smithers!" are splitting up due to irreconcilable differences after 17 months of marriage. Quitters.

Hunt was upbeat, however. "By doing this, I'll free up enough time to appear in another 23 movies in 2001. The weight of both my and Samuel Jackson's movie apperances will cross the Event Horizon, and suck all of Hollywood in! I will have the power! HA! HAHA! HAHA HA! HAHA! HA!"

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