EDITORIAL: Morons and the Usenet (3/6/98)
As most of you know, yesterday I ran a little piece poking a bit of gentle fun at your friend and mine, the Usenet. It's only a click away, in fact. If you haven't seen it, take a couple of seconds to glean the gist. Got it? OK. I just wanted to set the record straight, because people reading yesterday's bit might think I didn't like Usenet.That would, of course, be true. I don't.
However, most people would then leap to the conclusion that either (a) I don't participate in Usenet, or (b) I'm a lousy stinking hypocrite. This, for the most part, isn't true. I mean, maybe the hypocrisy part, but who isn't?
Anyway, the problem I have with Usenet is the same problem I have with life in general. It's full of morons. And unlike life, the options one has to minimize one's contact with said morons are fairly limited.
Let me give you an example. This morning, before work, I was doing a tiny bit of newsgroup perusing. There being only one message in alt.fan.space-ghost, a crossposted, rambling flame message in all caps, I moved on to rec.arts.sf.tv. After a couple of posts attempting to refute the sucking of this week's Voyager episode through the ever-popular "No It Didn't" gambit, I stumbled across a gem. An absolute gem.
It was part of an ongoing thread regarding the "lyrics" to the Star Trek (original series) theme song. It's not -widely- known that these lyrics exists, but among those who -do- know, it's fairly common knowledge that Gene Roddenberry wrote them for the express purpose of getting "lyrics" credits, so that whenever the theme music was used, he'd get half of Alexander Courage's royalties. I got yer Great Bird right here.
Anyway, the thread started with a request for the lyrics, followed by the actual lyrics, some discussion of the above topics, some discussion of the aesthetic merits of the lyrics or, more accurately, the complete and utter lack thereof. (Gene Roddenberry, as a lyricist, ranked somewhere between a frog with Tourette's Syndrome and any one of the Spice Girls). Followed by this gem.
>>> Be-yond the rim of the star-light
>>> My love is wan-d'ring in star flight.
>>> I know he'll find
>>> In star-clustered reach-es,
>>> Love, strange love
>>> A Star-wo-man teach-es.
>>> I know his jour-ney ends nev-er.
>>> His star trek will go on for-ev-er.
>>> But tell him while
>>> He wanders his star-ry sea,
>>> Remember,
>>> Remember me.
>Are those lyrics for real?
To my knowledge, there were never any lyrics to the original Star Trek theme. Be that as it may, those written above are terrific!
(For those unfamiliar with Usenet conventions, the non-bolded section is the events leading up to the gem, which is bolded. Not to mention bold.)
When faced with something like this, the mind boggles. It gapes. Then it tries to find excuses. "Well, this person has a crappy newsfeed and only saw a couple of the messages." "Well, everyone's different, and different people like different things." "Heavy metal poisoning is a terrible trauma." But still, you're left with the cognitive dissonance. "I know his jour-ney ends ne-ver". "Terrific!". Morons.
And that wasn't the worst of it. Because as bad as the concept expressed above is, it was spelled correctly, written with correct pronunciation, not to mention proper use of upper and lowercase. The poster even hedges their bets with "to my knowledge", which on Usenet is almost unheard of.
So why use Usenet? Because when it's good, like on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, or the good people on rec.toys.action-figures, Usenet can actually bring people together and make good things happen. It's rare as hell, and you have to fight through a mountain of crap to get to the rose at the summit, but it's there.
Hope that clears things up.
