MOVIE EVER MADE" from episode 706, Laserblast --
Trace Beaulieu's and Comedy Central's last episode.
For a while, we were all worried it would be the
last one ever.
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| That would be me standing next to "THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE" from episode 706, Laserblast -- Trace Beaulieu's and Comedy Central's last episode. For a while, we were all worried it would be the last one ever. |
~10:00 am I go watch Mike destroy people at Doom. Apparently someone actually fragged him early on. The only person I get to see beat him is Rusty, a five-year-old kid. Some of Mike's hilarious trash talk... To a lawyer: "I've just suspended habeas corpus." To a private investigator: "Murder, I wrote." ; "Hello, this is Mike Nelson. I'm not home right now. I'm killing Sarah. (hum Rockford Files theme)." To Mike Harney: "Time to log off." I wish I could remember more.
Next hour or so spent shuttling between the mostly empty RATMM room, peeking in the viewing rooms, and keeping Kelly company. A bit after her shift ends, we go to eat Arby's is closed, since it's Sunday. I deliver the same diatribe I gave Jim yesterday about the paucity of fast food restaurants in Minneapolis. Kelly, hobbling on a sprained foot, takes it in stride. A quick brunch buffet at the Hilton before the celebrity panel.
1:00 PM We make it to the celebrity panel just in time. Grab an empty seat in the far left of the second row. After the introductions of the celebrities by Kevin Murphy, the rest of the Brains quietly slip in and stand and/or sit against the left wall. Highlights of the celebrity panel: Trace giving Kim Cattrall flowers, Russell Johnson explaining a bong to Rex Reason, Johnson's disocurse on Gilligan's Island, etc. When Kevin tried to do Mike Nelson's Andrew McCarthy impression, Mike was sitting on the floor doing it himself. And the third time Russell Johnson (or was it Rex Reason?) asked "which one is the robot?", everyone finally got the joke. Mike stood up and grimaced, much like he did when someone asked for Bridget's phone number the day before. Even though I'm in the second row, I don't try to get the celebrity panel's autographs. I didn't bring an episode guide or movie poster with me, so I really don't have anything for them to sign. I do snap a few pictures, including a shot of the two quintessential MST dames, Juliewa and Kim Cattrall!
After the celebrity panel, I hang around the RATMM room for a bit. Then it's off to SuperAmerica to get some final touches for my costume. As I pass through the convention hall, the Brains are taking a break from that day's autograph session, and Mike and Bridget goof off on the escalator. I feverishly wind up my disposable camera to get a shot, but by the time I'm done, so are they. I grin and do the "aaa-aa-aah!"-throwing-hand-down-thing-that-Dr.-F-and-Frank-do-at-the-end-of-that-one-episode towards Mike. He grins and I go to the SuperAmerica, where I pick up those needed AA batteries and Scotch tape. While I'm there, I grab a couple of disposable cameras, since the one I bought at the Hilton for $27.00 is almost done. I'm told they have flashes, but it turns out they don't. Before I head back to the hotel, howver, I wander a few blocks looking for another piece of my costume. I spot an abandoned table in an alley, and the synapses start firing. I take a few minutes breaking a leg off. Back to the hotel. The table leg is filthy, so I put in the shower for a bit to clean it. Down to the RATMM room. BioKen had mentioned earlier he was going as Jiffy Pop, so I ask him for some tin foil. None to spare.
5:30 Off to dinner at the Tavern, or the Times, or something with the lovely Sarah Heiner, Petrea Mitchell and Chris French. First Petrea needs to talk to Juliewa, as she's been looking for her. They chat about Oregon. The food is a marked improvement over Market Barbecue, and the conversation is just as sparkling. I split off on the way back to buy some Reynolds foil at the Super America for my costume.
7:20 Back to the room to get dressed for the ball. Jim decides to go sans costume, since his elaborate Giant Leech costume (a garbage bag) didn't work out. I'm going as Torgo. I fashion a staff out of the table leg and tin foil. The wool and nylon gray coat is from my father's closet, and the khaki shirt is from days in Jesuit High School. The beard is a small tuft cut from a five dollar, smelly, synthetic ZZ-Top number, held on to my face by string, Scotch tape, and sheer will. The extra-special twist on my costume: a walkman in the pocket, a speaker in my padded knees, and a 90 minute loop of the Haunting Torgo Theme.
7:45 To the Ball! The music goes on before I leave the room. I scare a couple of JCPenny people in the elevator. Many people snap pictures of me as I make my way through the Skyway, even though the appearance of the costume is rather unremarkable, and the audio won't show up on Kodak. As I make may way through the convention lobby toward the ballroom, Trace hears the music.
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Photo courtesy Chad Gould |
The parade across the stage starts. It's finally my turn. I as Mike lets me on the stage, I turn on my speaker and tape. It's barely audible! In a desperate attempt to show how brilliant my costume is, I direct Bridget's mike to my speaker. Bad move. The speaker is in my pants. Bridget jumps back. I leave the stage thoroughly embarassed. TSD is Normal View. Mikey Sphar is Mikey (as in "don't give no matches to!"). BioKen Frauwirth is Jiffy Pop. David Anderson is READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL! Chris French is the Master, and Lucy is a Manos wife. Sarah is an unmasked Moon Man. My favorite costume of the night: the winner of the Governor's Cup, Mr. B Torgo. Must be seen to be believed. Mike announces that the AOL MSTies have a gift for Juliewa. Oh, poopie. It's actually gift from us RATMMers. Jess heads up there anyway, and a few RATMMers take his cue and follow him, even though the stage is dominated by AOLers. Jess announces the gift from RATMM - a lovely quilt. After the presentation, I try to thank Julie personally, but she's mobbed. I spot Bridget Jones, and apologize for the microphone fiasco. She looks at me like she has no idea what I'm talking about (she saw hundreds of costumes), and says no harm done. I hang out a bit, and see Chris "M Sampo" Cornell chatting with Trace. I walk up, listen for a minute, and meekly ask Chris to snap a photo of Trace and myself. I don't have anything to say, so I try to turn on the theme music, hoping Trace will remember I was the guy with the brilliant costume. He reminds me it's a picture: sound isn't required. D'oh! (All this of course with no flash -- no decent photograph). I run into Kevin Murphy as he's posing for photographs. He begs off, saying he has to "find the john." I wander off, but ten minutes later, he still hadn't made it. Poor guy. I go back to the room to deTorgoize, and say goodbye to Sarah, Lucy, Petrea and Chris.
Back at the ball, Col. Di is a Dancing Machine! Di jumping around in that silver body suit - there's a photo that will find a home on the web! More scintillating converation at the RATMM table. Returning to the table after a quick limbo, there's someone new there... some guy in a Vikings jersey. A quick glimpse at the badge reveals it's Blair Dillman! Where the hell has he been all weekend? He takes off. Later, Brenda reports Mike and Kevin are in the back of the room. We decide to say hi and get a picture. Actually, they're in the lobby being mobbed. Pathetic fanboy and fangirl that we are, we join in and get some pictures. Again, I'm tounge-tied. I'm quiet for the first few minutes after I meet anyone, but soon I won't shut up. I'm sure if I had won the Doom drawing, I would have been trash-talking Mike by the time my five minutes were up. Anyway, more hanging out at the ball, talking with RATMMers. We do run to the floor, however, for "Dancing Queen".
1:00 am We hang around the RATMM room some more, rather quiet as we realize the weekend is coming to an end. Mikey mentions his "soda." I gently correct him and point out it's a soft drink. He throws it at me. I fling water at him and hit Christine Malcom. The wet Christine has had enough, and heads for bed. Soon, it's time for me to turn in too.
