SPRITELY MAN/WOMAN SEEKS SAME....interests include impersonating musical notes, appearing in the bedrooms of angst ridden teenager boys... ManGoAT sEEKs NEw MASter. I'm JUSt as GOd MADe mE... Right hand, disembodied from former astronaut, seeks left hand for walks on beaches, terrorizing youths, and murdering middle aged landladies. Clean fingernails a plus. Blood beast in search of surrogate of either sex for birth of space aliens. Your cave or mine? Female head of illicit pornography organization seeks just about anyone willing to pose for nude shots and be exploited by cameramen and myself. No weirdos. SWM, highly indestructable, looking for high-powered girl for good time. Not much on conversation, but enjoy long walks through the country. Electric Substation operators need not apply Amazing Colossal Man seeks 50 Ft Woman. Object: Mayhem & Matrimony Are you a clown? I'm a clown too. If you dig guys who look like former Surgeons General, enjoy romping through the Big Top, and like the feel of brooms on latex, let's get together on my high wire! Older lady, zest for life, several slaves, interest in world domination, seeks Norwegian with same interests. Have flying cape and ability to make world freeze. Possession of Sampo a plus, but not necessary. Tall, green, and handsome! SM Super-lizard seeks F for fun, destruction, and creation of "sequels," ifyaknowwhatimean. Sexually confused, tights-wearing adult seeks music lover. Must be able to skip and dance and make musical instruments appear out of thin air. No weirdos. I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU - Southern belle with wierd bouffant seeks Earl Hollimanesque SM, N/S, and only two eyes for long drives in the country and smoochin'. MY, MY MY! Chunky cop seeks call girl for nights of beer and baby oil on my hide-a-bed sofa. | Single White Alien from military world wishes to start a family. Seeking a female who is bored from living with a Grandpa who does nothing but drink and become senile. Come with me - I can show you the universe. Must like duct tape. SWM Student Council Member from Outer Space seeks willing Earthling for world domination, light S&M. Do you enjoy TOR_CHAR?! Bewigged alien, M, seeks F not named Ken. No drugs, jumpsuits or forklifts. SF, definite dominatrix, seeks M named Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot, Cabot. No Flintstone ties or funny hats. Small M Japanese child in search of large green monster shaped like a turtle for friendship and possible relationship. Pedophilia a plus! SWF head-in-pan seeks same for long talks, sharing neck juice. Must have nice eyes. Megloamaniac ex-fiances need not apply. Mexican wrestler seeks undead with great set of teeth. Mark of the devil a must. Appreciation of Beethoven helpful but not necessary. Do you get turned on by doughy men in capes and tights? If so, give me a ring! SWM, dark hair, glasses, seeks some female that I just can talk to... it's all my fault, anyways... I didn't steal no bike, you know that, so can we just be friends? Like, I followed this rock and roll type person, but he really became on my nerves after he started dating this blond AIRHEAD! I'm a Single White Female, black hair, and I'm looking for someone who won't drag us into the forest to solve problems. Must not say "IT STINKS!" every damn minute... BLOND AND BURLY -- Large Finnish hero seeks heroine for matrimony and production of fine Finnish sons. I enjoy capturing wind demons, slaughtering Huns, and throwing trousers in the river. Prefer woman with odd voice and ability to attract small forest animals. I SING -- Auto worker by day, singer by night seeks French woman for snugglin' and gila- chasin'. My barn or yours? RING ME! -- SWF with phone phetish seeks SWM songwriter with same. | MONSTER SEEKS BRIDE -- SWM Tor seeks bride. Live, dead, undead -- it's all the same to me. Must enjoy octopus wrestling and Ed Wood film festivals. YES, HE'S MY BROTHER! -- Connery family member seeks buxom francaise for dining, dancing, and double-entendres. You wear the hot pants, I'll wear the goatee! SWF, blonde, ISO SWM not haunted by murdered girlfriend. No musicians. SWM, boat captain, ISO SWF of vague European descent. I've had bad experiences with shrews in the past. SWM (Swedish White Male) 6 foot, 350, seeks bad actress to stroke, pick up and put in pants. Must be clean and not mind ocassional menage a' trois with seventy-year-old Hungarian drug addict. Twenty-two story, steam-breathing mutant hell-lizard seeks multi-colored, stainless steel Jack Nicholson look-a-like for fast friendship, city-smashing and tag-team action. Must speak Japanese, or move your mouth like your speaking Japanese. Giant insect-like creature with arms like the Crysler Building, seeks like-sized flying cockroach for long walks, going to movies and world domination. Please send photo. Hooks for hands a must. Large, slow-moving, incoherent lopping carpet seeks small, foreign vehicle for warm bouts of intimacy. Gunshots and guitars not a problem. But please, no hand gernades. Ask for "Creepy". Large, lonely, wildly-gesturing gorilla with cave of his own, seeks Wo-Man to treat him like a real Man.Large screen TV, recliner rocks and all the bubbles you can eat. Look for the diving helmet and inquire at the slag heap. Prehistoric barbarian male, athletic, seeks young, busty F. Hubcap on chest a plus. Talented, handsome, witty film director seeks equally endowed actress for fun, frivolity and film roles. Must enjoy working with Swedes, Hungarians and other amatuers. Large bankroll helpful, but an extensive wardrobe a must. Please send photo of wardrobe. | SWF, politically-incorrect ruler of jungle seeks SWM for coconut shooting, tripping on divots, exploitation of natural resources, sharing hamburger and french fried potatoes. No poor spellers. ENTER MY WILD, WILD WORLD Single White Batwoman seeks WM for fun, romance, and occasional crime-fighting. I enjoy wearing strange costumes at all hours, holding seances with ghosts that speak Chinese, and having dance parties for no reason. No Mole Men, please. SiNgLe LaRgE KnEeD M LoOkInG fOr WiFe ThE mAsTeR wOuLd ApPrOvE oF. No ChIcKs WiTh KiDs Or HuSbAnDs, PlEaSe. WhItE nIgHtGoWnS a PlUs. Future Presidential candidate seeks possible First Lady. I enjoy long chaperoned drives and refueling. Must be willing to wear poopie suit. Young, active, ninja-in-training, in search of comely Demi Moore or Crystal Bernard type to right wrongs with. Must like small furry animals and old furry men. Am willing to travel. SWH seeks young boys so s/he can awaken the spirit inside of them. SGR, interests include home-curding, scripting plays, and praying for dark spectres, seeks WF, preferably redhead, for fun, frolicking, and kinky "ewitched" fantasies. SWF, HS age, pert, psychotic, seeking lipless geek for squishiness and fun with electrical appliances. SWM, truck driver and part time accordianist/singer, enjoys fruit slapping, big pants, and Mamie Van Doren; seeking bleached blonde with a bigger chest than mine. Creepy WF, mid-20s, enjoys the beach parties, fish stories, watching talented rock singers hopped up on goofballs, and making other women seem feel like lower lifeforms; seeking geeky oily loser who can one-punch Lyle Waggoner so he quits stalking me. WWF seeks attractive exotic SWF, early 20s, for companionship. No attachments (i.e., family , friends, anyone who would notice sudden disappearence.) Young widowed WF seeks WM who enjoys coffee. No drugs, esp. acid. Small alien being looking for child to show me a good time on earth. Let me bring some magic into your life! |
A strategically placed ad may even be successful -- and lead to a letter like this:
Dear Bothouse,
I'm a freshman at a small Midwestern geriatric medical university. I never believed your stories were true until one day, after my boyfriend killed a snake, ...