URGENT: Channel Flooder needed. Must have skills in finding and downloading IRC war scripts and abusing same. Must have a gang or drug oriented IRC nickname. Working knowledge of pornographic-related thesaurus considered a plus. Apply in person by going to events.scifi.com #scriptkid
Wanted: Contributor for web site. Site is very popular, despite the fact that the show it's covering was canceled by at least 2 TV stations. Duties include, but not limited to: making sure Links list is horribly out-of-date, researching football stats, posting wacky topics for bi-weekly chat, and rooting thru garbage cans and dumpsters in Minnesota suburb. Preference shown to applicants with their own broomsticks. E-mail resume and cover letter to webmaster@mst3kinfo.com
Graphic Designer: Are you familiar with the "Save As" command? Then we want you! Our new media company seeks a totally unoriginal artist to surf to websites and steal images. The ideal applicant will own a 3-year old Warez copy of Photoshop and at least 2 Warez Plug-In packages. No skills necessary. Send e-mail to lordviper@warez.edu
For Sale: One handle from an O-Cedar broom. Slightly used. Highway miles. Send best offer to Sampo@mst3kinfo.com
PROSTITUTE: Seeking fly honeys to fill start-up pimp's ho stable. Must be unusually filthy. The more STDs the better! Special skills not required, but flexibility is highly desired. Excellent dental and health plan with IPO and 401K plan. Page Snooky with a 78011 @ 465-PIMP-HOS
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WEB DESIGNER: New soon-to-fail Internet start-up looking for person skilled in making "Under Construction" web pages. Must have knowledge of making wacky road construction-style animated .gifs, and custom 404 pages. Ability to code browser crashing javascript and create annoying pop-up ads a plus. (415) 555-9220, ask for NateDawg.
Wanted: Person to liven up newsgroup about cancelled show with constant posts about his/her personal life. Having a crappy current job a plus. Must commit to making at leat 50 posts/follow-ups per 24 hour period. Virgins only please. Call (800) 275-4277 for interview.
ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER: Internationally known newsgroup is looking for a person to scan Entertainment and Movie web sites and post any article that catches their eyes to the newsgroup. Articles in question must have high "Who Cares?" value attached to them. Fax resumes to (314) 646-9191
Position Open: Editor. Must be willing to edit everything on a popular comedy web site, even articles containing words that are spelled wrong on purpose for comedic effect. Must take all humor as pointed directly at him, and remove same. Bonus points awarded to people lacking a sense of humor and have a drug addiction. Send resumes to letters@homegame.org
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Stash Mooch: One opening for hard working marijuana addict to smoke all weed belonging to a sci-fi convention organizer before others in the room can get to it. Preference will be given to those owning their own bongs and rolling papers. Only serious potheads, please. Send resumes to bigrob@exoticon.net
Wanted: SPY. Must go into chat channels and report back on any activity in same so parent company can have a good laugh. Applicant must be detailed oriented and keep good logs. Experience with writing remote scripts for mIRC or using !sendlog command desired. Call (707) 677-9011 for details.
For Sale: Vic 20. 5 meg external tape drive, 16k memory, 3 (count them!) 5 1/2 inch external floppy drives. Used only as chat server, low total Operating Hours Used. AS IS. $45 or best offer. Will trade for sex or McDonald's Fancy Ketchup packets. Contact Chexmix@scifi.com for more details.
For sale: One Domain Name, hardly used for $70. Site was updated daily for about a month, then updated weekly, then updated whenever the fuck we felt like it. Owner needs immediate cash to buy costume for local revival of "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum." Please contact Kevin Murphy, Mike Nelson, or Bill Corbett during normal business hours at 612.525.2020
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