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Nike Superbowl Ad Will Be "Edgy"

January 28, 2000

In an attempt to compete with those "outrageous" and "edgy" internet commercials, shoe company Nike has commissioned Santa Barbara's "Outrageous & Edgy Commercials, Inc." to create a series of ads to premiere on Superbowl Sunday. The commercials are being made to promote Nike's new Nik-ondom, the company's answer to the growing number of people, especially teens, having lots and lots of sex.

Pushing the boundaries and further blurring the lines between Saturday morning cartoons and porn, the commercial production company's final product includes several sex acts, a lot of moaning, and obscene language. To meet broadcast regulations, vulgarities will be bleeped out and nudity covered up, by Nike swooshes. The commercials' director, Ridley Scott, best known for his "1984" ad for Apple, addressed concerns over the censoring of the ads: "While we need to meet certain conditions to air the commercials, we tried to maintain the artistic and commercial integrity of the ads by not cutting anything out and censoring the least amount as dictated by law. All the scenes are vital to emphasizing the necessity for safe sex, while saying sex can be fun and Nik-ondoms are the best way to make it even more enjoyable. Also, we wanted to keep the emotional story arc of our lead's need for acceptance and battle with a low self-esteem strong and clear."

The series of ads, which consist of three 60-second spots, follow the exploits of Kathryn, a 20-something female, as she hops from bed to bed. In the first ad, our female finds herself meeting and leaving a nightclub with a man. The scene quickly shifts to her in a bathroom retrieving a Nik-ondom from her purse which leads us to our first explicit sex scene. The second commercial, which is the most explicit and is sure to be the most controversial of the three, has our lead female picking up a friend at her family's house. Instead of finding her friend answering the door, Kathryn is greeted by her friend's father who tells her that her friend is in the shower. In another quick cut, we find ourselves in the midst of a VERY explicit sex scene between Kathryn and her friend's father. The last installment shows Kathryn at work, in a big, "1984"-ish, cubicle-filled office. While in line for the copy machine, she strikes up a conversation with a fellow male co-worker which jumps to our final sex scene. Unlike the first two commercials which end with a simple Nike logo, the final ad ends with the Nike logo and a modified Nike slogan below, "Just Do It...Safely."

Watch the headboard
The first ad has Kathryn meeting a man at a nightclub and apparently re-enacting some "Basic Instinct" scenes.

3 Fingers Rob Strikes Again?
The second ad has Kathryn having EXTREME sex with the father of her friend.

Riiiiiiide the snake
The last ad has Kathryn picking up a guy at the copy machine, and ends with the new Nik-ondom slogan, "Just Do It...Safely."

"We live in an age of venereal diseases and of unwanted pregnancies. At Nike, we know this and feel creating and marketing our own 'hip and cool' condom line is the right thing to do. Teens comprise our largest market, and they're sexual activity has increased greatly over the recent years. We want them to know that when they get busy, we get busy. If they won't listen to their parents or their teachers, they'll listen to us, because Nik-ondoms will 'be cool' and have style," Jason Falcon, a spokesman for Nike said.

Nik-ondom SWOOSH
The new Nik-ondom uses patented technology to incorporate the Nike Swoosh design for maximum pleasure.
The familiar Nike swoosh design is integrated into the condom, "for maximum pleasure and safe sex." They will come in 4 sizes, gerbil (1-3 inches), wolf (3-8 inches), donkey (8-15 inches), and blue whale: for liars and novelty (15-20 inches). They will also come in a variety of flavours like chocolate dipped strawberry, Crown Royal and Coke, foie gras, gravy, sperm, and salty penis, with at least ten others planned in the near future. If sales go well, Nike expects to add different coloured condoms to the series, including glow in the dark and confederate flag patterned, as well as new Nik-ondom series, like the Nik-ondom Jordan, Nik-ondom Cross Trainers, Nik-ondom Jamgasmic, and even Nike Dental Dams.

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