HomeGame Cult Resurrected
January 07, 2000
THAILAND (GF Press)
by Davidow Kealy
Reprinted without permission
Just days ago, the world mourned for the members of the now infamous HomeGame cult. Now, word comes that the HG has somehow returned and was found in probably the most unlikely of places, Bankok. Word was spreading that a group of foreigners were hiding there, allegedly putting a drain on the local electric grid, so local news tracked down the leads and rumors.
Located off the beaten trail was a small, ramshackle hut. From all outward's appearences, this was a normal hut, but upon trying to enter, our intrepid reporter was greeted by a small Russian boy wearing a penguin decorated t-shirt that was being forcibly removed by a raven haired lass wearing, what appeared to be, jack boots. Giving the pass signal (for which a local was paid handsomely), a ritualistic faux attack on the solar plexus while mumbling a quote from the Holy Scrolls, the local reporter was able to gain entrance. What he saw inside simply amazed him.
 |
"It was a difference of night and day," said Sinarai Vassoura-Smapdi, of KTHI, the largest regional news service. "They had some of the most advanced computer equipment in that hut, some that the US Government refuses to even acknowledge the existance of, worth a king's ransom. It could easily feed a Thai family of eight for years or buy hundreds of cheap Thai hermaphrodite hookers. There was a computer for each of them. They all sat in a circle with a smaller circle of televisions all tuned to the same program. The entire time I was there, they didn't speak to each other vocally; they only typed on their computers. Ocassionally, one would mutter some sort of forceful prayer to someone or something called Phra'Dgei, and reset his computer. It was kinda spooky."
Finally, once their ritual was over, Vassoura-Smapdi was able to question one of the members of the cult.
"What are you doing here? How did you get here? What was it like to be dead?," were the questions I started to rattle off as quickly as the Generalisimo's machine gun. I didn't get many answers, but I was told that they got bored rather quickly when it only took 2 days to destroy most of the alien civilizations that they ran into. Plus once they heard that there was still Sacred Work left on Earth, well they said they rushed back "IMMEDIATELY."
"We feel that we may have misinterpreted the Second Coming of TnhOm'Ud. His coming, we now feel, actually is a Calling to redouble our efforts to cleanse the earth-fabric of what we call "Eingaben". This would be more in line with his Sacred Function, that of Remover of the Galactic Ignore-Causer."
"We expect to get back to our Holy Mission by the end of the week," the representative continued. "We have recieved the Blessing Pingus of TnhOm'Ud, and know our work is Good."