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December 09, 2000
Everyone should be so honored to get a Flash game based on them. That's why this month, Stephen and Albert have decided to give rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc star, Jonah Falcon, a game of his very own. To quote Albert, “I wish I could penetrate a black hole, just because I can…and now I need to figure out how to stop masturbating.” In the fine tradition of Jonah Falcon's need to love himself and promote his penis at every turn, our genius duo has devised a fantastic game around events which Stephen has theorized occur nightly at the Falcon household. And we're TOTALLY sure Jonah won't take pride in Stephen and Albert's hard work and promote it on his website in an attempt to make it look like it doesn't bother him, when in fact it does. So please, sit back, get your 13.5” mouse in hand, and enjoy.
INSTRUCTIONS: As Jonah Falcon, your mission is to manipulate your 13.5" sausage to a photo of yourself, just because you can. Just place the crosshairs over the aluminum cans that appear over your headboard, and fire that wad. Try not to hit the photo of yourself, the lamp, or the alarm clock, because you don't want a mess. From time to time, a photographer from the Village Voice will show up, and you get bonus points by drenching him with something special to take back to Michael Musto.
ESTIMATED TIME FOR COMPLETION: Variable time for the 78kb Flash file to load, 30 seconds to read the instructions, and many minutes of playing as you shoot some cans off the headboard and try not to find the secret Jonah's Alley variation game (which is not to be confused with the special tin-foil covered Jonah's Alley game since that doesn't have Matt Mathis on the cover).
NOTE: We, HGNews, HGI, or any other affiliated party is not responsible for any mental, emotional, or physical harm caused due to your participation in this exercise. We also are not responsible for harm caused to your social life or negative employment/productivity consequences because you do not have the will power to pull yourself away from this activity.