Brought to you by

and Matthew "Pinwiz" Elcock.

Proving that it is very important that you screen your applicants properly, David "Why is he on Must See TV?" Spade was attacked Wednesday by his personal assistant. Apparently, the assistant attacked Spade with a stun gun during an apparent robbery. There was a struggle, and the attacker fled. He was apprehended later that day in a LA suburb.

Biz Buzz has obtained a transcript of Spade's 911 call:

911: Hello, 911 Emergency. Please state the nature of your problem.

Spade: I've just been attacked. Someone tried to rob me!

911: I see. And you are...

Spade: David Spade.

911: And I would know you from...

Spade: I'm a TV star.

911: And I would recognize you from...

Spade: "Just Shoot Me!" "Saturday Night Live!" I'm really in trouble here!

911: Yeah, right. If you'll excuse me, Yasmine Bleeth is on the other line with a hang nail. Can I put you on hold? Thanks. Buh-bye. *click*