May 2, 2001

Dalai Lama: "Fuck him."


Photo found by Sean Kennedy		 The Dalai Lama today responded harshly to a Minnesota lawmaker who called Buddhism a "cult" and refused to meet with the Nobel Peace Prize winner this week.

"Honestly, fuck him and the horse he rode in on," the Lama said to a round of applause from the audience. "I mean, seriously. Just because I'm a paragon of enlightenment doesn't mean I have to take shit from some Midwestern hick of a Jesus freak who managed to get elected to a legislature. Jagoff."

The Lama was responding to comments by Corcoran Republican Arlon Lindser, who sent an e-mail on Monday containing such gems as:
"He claims to be a god-king, a leader of the Buddha religion, which historically has been considered a cult because of its anti-Biblical teachings concerning the one true Holy God, Creator of Heaven and earth and His Son, Jesus Christ."

"First of all, it's 'Buddhist', you redneck retard," the Lama responded. "Second, you want anti-Biblical? Get over here, boy, and I'll break my anti-Biblical foot off in your Baptist ass. What are, you chicken? Huh? [makes chicken noises] What, can't your One True Holy God protect you from a whuppin at the hands of some false God-King? I'll beat you down so hard you'll think you're seein' Nirvana."

Also from Lindser's e-mail: "There is a public religious ethic that prevails in this country, Judeo-Christian, demanding a public adherence to that standard in terms of behavior rather than belief. The Judeo-Christian ethic is the moral and spiritual foundation of our Constitution, Bill of Rights and most of our laws and it has served us well." "Oh, he is so full of shit," the Lama continued, drawing cheers from the assembled and growing crowd. "The only public adherence I'm worrying about is my knee adhering to your shriveled nutsac after I drive it so hard into your groin that your testicles will have to reincarnate as packing peanuts."

Asked if he was concerned that his response would be seen as inappropriate, the Lama shook his head.

"Fuck that. Look at me. I live on a mountain. In Tibet. Which has not exactly been Fun Central for the past decade or so. So I drag my ass all the way down here to Minne-fucking-sota, figure I'll give a little speech, hit the log flume at the Megamall, you know, a nice, low-key kind of trip. And then this Lindser prick has to go and get a giant cross shoved so far up his ass that he has to walk through doors sideways, and ruin it for everyone. Now I'm pissed off, his colleagues are pissed off, everybody's pissed off, because he couldn't shut his evangelical yap for five seconds.

"Makes me want to propose an 11th Amendment. 'Thou shalt shut the fuck up.' Bump it up a few notches, too. There's a bit of dead weight in and amongst the Commandments. I mean, really, the Bible could have used a decent editor. Did you ever read that Lord of the Rings? It's like that, only even less fighting and dumber names. I hear they're making a movie out of that. No, not the Bible, that's been done. The Tolkein thing. Anyway, where was I?

The Dalai Lama continued in this vein for another several minutes, before departing for his meeting with the other legislators, bidding the crowd farewell, granting them his blessing, and closing with "Peace out!".