Netcom To Get The Chair (2/20/98)
In what some are calling "brutal scare tactics", a group of Usenet news administrators have threatened to kill everyone associated with the Netcom online service on Friday. Netcom received the pronouncement of the so-called "Usenet Death Penalty" last week, and ever since then, law enforcement officials have been desperately searching for a way to prevent thousands upon thousands of Netcom users from meeting an untimely death.The "UDP", as those in the know refer to the Usenet Death Penalty, is considered the last line of defense against the dreaded practice of "Usenet Spam", in which individuals with items for sale interrupt vital conversations about Captain Janeway, Quake II, and panties.
While death may seem to be an extreme punishment for "spamming", as the technoliteratielite call it, those behind the planned mass murder claim their actions are justified.
"The fact of the matter is, after about the hundredth pyramid scheme or 'hot chat' ad, surveys have shown that 89% of all Usenet readers are mentally and physically capable of murder," said one news admin, who refused to be identified on the grounds that we here at TMC NewsBreak frown on making up goofy names.
Law enforcement officials said there is still time for Netcom to avoid the death penalty by changing its policies. Most Netcom users, though they fear for their lives, are hesitant to switch to another ISP. In the words of one such user, "Well, all the ISP's have 20 buck setup fees now, and anyway, I don't want my E-Mail address to change."
