x136 PAJAMA PARTY (6/9/98)

MOVIE
This fabulous classic comes to us from the folks at AMC. Given a 3/4 erection by Hustler magazine, Pajama Party is a true work of cinema verite with Tommy Kirk as Go-go, the Man from Mars. Documented from his twisted point of view, Go-go's mission on Earth is to study our mysoginistic culture and to convince us to follow Xenu, the almighty space clam. However, his plan backfires when he falls in love with the pre-op trans-sexual Connie, played by the homely Annette Funicello. Their love is verboten and the martian government, symbolized by Don Rickles, plots to stop the two from mating and creating a hybrid race of super martians. Connie's aunt teams up with Harvey Lembeck's superbly acted blackfaced character Eric Von Zipper to stop the love fest, only to fall in love with themselves, creating the greatest mutual masturbation scene in film history. Go-go uses his magical martian dildo to make things fly around and make earthlings do stupid tricks giving the film its "Haw haw haw" comedic edge. Buster Keaton makes a special guest appearance as the injun Chief Rotten Eagle, a fabulous fossil of american sterotyping at its best, saved on celluloid for future racist generations. Filmed on 16mm film in black and white, Don Weis creates cinematic eye candy with his generous use of whip pans, money shots, and gratuitous scenes of heroin induced anal rapes.

PARTAY LIKE IT'S 1964
* dungarees hopes Dex Dexter shows up too
THX-1138> It's a musical Porky's then?
Ironf> Is the whole movie gonna be this upbeat?
THX-1138> I don't think teen angst was invented back then.
dungarees> It's the river of blood, the first plague of teenage girls
dungarees> Even the god of the Israelites hates teenagers.
Ironf> She needs to wash appearently
THX-1138> Oooo, not so fresh feeling.
dungarees> Ah....number 985 on the list of doopas I didn't need to see
dungarees> Pocahontas! you're naughty!
Plumm> I guess AIP must have cornered the market on all the wartime hinder stamps.
Plumm> and then someone dives right on to that island in the pool and snaps their neck. The End.
dungarees> Whoa...the San Simeon preservation society is going to be pissed when they see this
Plumm> Commisioner Gordon on the Loadphone.
Plumm> Creepy Girl!
Ironf> Wow Aunt Bea is still alive.
Plumm> He was the first in the line of goofy fey biker gang leaders that terroried the nation in the "Biker Spring" of '68.
THX-1138> Yeah whatever. I saw that on Sabrina last night.
Ironf> I wonder how many kids missed a bus due to that old woman stealing the sign.
Ironf> and the Nitro girls are born
Plumm> So, this is what racked up all the Tonys, huh?
Plumm> At least Rosie O'Donnell isn't in it.
dungarees> Sorry, lads, I had to take a cold shower. Too much boootay for me.
dungarees> Doggy doggy, that's the way it's done among the young
Plumm> and Ronny Howard as the Beaver.
THX-1138> Don't call me boss. It's Hitler.
Plumm> This guy just got back from his candystriping gig.
Plumm> He didn't leave no Bob Bagodonuts?
dungarees> This would make a compelling Hair Club for Men commercial
Plumm> ah, Twain's famous characters The King and The Dookie.
Plumm> Aaaahh!!! The Batchless Creature from Mars!
* Plumm cues Benny Hill music.
THX-1138> They couldn't even shoot on a real beach. Some beach movie.
dungarees> So I missed something. What is the point of the F-troop crossover?
Plumm> Yes, dearie, I'm an interspecies matchmaker, isn't that fabulous?
Plumm> Buster Keaton stipulated in his contract he needed free wacky tobacky to get him through this.
Plumm> John Gray Productions.
dungarees> Wow...how very timely...did they go back and insert that line?
Ironf> Pick up some film. We're gonna make some injun porn
Plumm> Tab Hunter: the pre-Divine years.
* Ironf awaits the midgets
dungarees> The rats...they have a long-standing rivalry with the gerbils
dungarees> All soft inside? Boy have you got it wrong.
THX-1138> You just need viagra honey.
MrBooze> Okay, so was I hallucinating, or did I see a blond woman in a towel rubbing her breasts in the face of Buster Keaton dressed up as an indian?
Plumm> They wrote in the part about Tommy Kirk being from MArs later, to explain his heroin-ragged appearance.
THX-1138> What you need is an Infinite dress!
dungarees> In your day they did it through a hole in the sheet
THX-1138> She's gonna snap her spine if she keeps that up.
dungarees> You know, I heard that these dancers had their hip joints replaced with ball bearings
Ironf> Elderly Muntant Injun Keaton
MrBooze> Man, I would *love* to do this in the mall.
Ironf> and he wizzes on her
THX-1138> MY FLESH! OOOOOOHHHH GOD! IT'S BURNING!
MrBooze> You know, only a person of not Buster Keaton's talent could actually almost pull off crap this bad.
Plumm> Rommel, you'll never make the world sidehack trials that way!
Plumm> How do you stuff a fur bikini?
dungarees> An early roofie lab test goes horribly wrong
dungarees> The world's oldest teenager
MrBooze> Is that old lady having an orgasm?
THX-1138> They're gonna get pulled over for going 10 frames over the speed limit.
Plumm> Another one fo those famous Benny Hill chase scenes.
THX-1138> The only live action chase scene to be filmed in stop motion.
MrBooze> Of course, in Sweden, "Ya" means "I've got a communicable disease."
MrBooze> Just close your eyes and think of real Buster Keaton movies.
Plumm> Austrailan rock band on the set!
MrBooze> NWO Grannypack!
Plumm> This is the unaired Srpinger episode on bestiality.
Ironf> Lou Costello, Kamakazi guy
MrBooze> Nothing says "Take me, baby, and hammer me like 10 miles of fresh rail!" like a room full of stuffed animals.
* Plumm had his stuffed animals engage in tribal warfare with each other.
dungarees> This lacks the mystery of the seance scene in Wild Wild World of Batwoman
THX-1138> Radio Free Europe, braodcasting live from your undergarments.
Plumm> When I was 11 or 12, or whatever, a bunch of us boyz had the video of "Up the Creek," and boy how did we freezeframe those breasts. dungarees> My god...her ribcage is alive!
MrBooze> She didn't have a rib removed. She had her entire intestinal tract removed.
Ironf> I think she may be on some kind of horemone treatment. Seems she has a lot of hair growing on her chest
MrBooze> Utes? Are they in europe?
* Plumm didn't need to see Buster Keaton in a strapless poolside evening sarong.
Plumm> do they even allow those close-up booty shots in movies anymore?
MrBooze> They do in black movies, Jamie. Booty Call!
Plumm> this is like the pajama party from I Accuse My Parents.
dungarees> So is this the director's pool or what?
MrBooze> It's the directors' apartment complex's pool.
MrBooze> See, those aren't breasts, they monstrous pectoral muscles.
dungarees> They're teats, Booze.
Ironf> and the NWO offshoot faction arrives
dungarees> They even wear their gang colors to bed.
MrBooze> Suddenly, the Wee Willy Winkies ATTACK!
THX-1138> Tommy, you can do magic things.
MrBooze> Pop your magic twanger, Tommy.
MrBooze> The director's cut of the abyss isn't as good as I remembered.
MrBooze> Eating Raoul II: The Gumbo
Plumm> every second of this movie kills something inside me.
MrBooze> Don't tweak your nipples on camera.
Plumm> Bud Abbot IS Jerry Lewis IN The Arch Hall, Jr. Story.
Plumm> I think some of those electric instruments should fall in the pool at one point.
THX-1138> Why couldn't a kid bring a gun to school and kill all them
Plumm> this is my grandma's old lesbian tenant who rents out the basement apartment.
dungarees> A young Bob Guicionne looks on
Plumm> Next on Springer: "My lesbian wife slept with her stuffed animals!"
MrBooze> Connie was arrested and detained at Los Angeles County Jail
Plumm> Buster Keaton's doing a little Indian dance, Booze!
* MrBooze sobs uncontrollably
Ironf> So learned, just so we don't skip it
MrBooze> I learned that if you dress up as an indian women will rub their breasts in your face.
Ironf> I learned that that movie was just plain wrong and shouldn't have been made or re-run.
dungarees> I learned that Michael Nader must not have looked bad enough in a speedo to be in this movie
THX-1138> I learned that kids today with their big pants and loud music aren't so bad.

NOT BUSTER KEATON AS A RACIAL SLUR

DON'T LET THE BED BUGS BITE
"Hey why don't you blow."
"Mush."
"Oh you knucklehead..."
"His head is his weak spot."
"o/~A stuffed animal never says no.o/~"
"Big Lunk, you came for me!"