x245 ROCKY III (4/30/99)

MOVIE
The "Rocky" movies are a part of American culture. When people see a "Rocky" movie they are reminded of the never-say-die attitude of the American. They also think "how the hell did this guy get to be so famous?". I generally go with the latter idea when viewing one of the 4, soon to be 5 if the rumors are correct, in the series. In this installment, we have the Rock getting the smack down from Hulk "Thunderlips" Hogan in a match for charity. Then he fights Mr. T and gets more his ass handed to him. He loses the belt and all the "respect" that people may or may not have had for him. Apollo "Action Jackson" Creed takes Rocky under his wing and trains him for his return match, which he wins by allowing Mr. T to give him brain damage. Oh yeah, the Penguin dies, and was Jewish.

PHANTOM BLOWS
BEMaven> these must be the hilarious outtakes from Rocky 2.
BEMaven> foul. he hit with a montage.
BEMaven> see that? every italian punch-drunk fighter has an inner black boxer.
BEMaven> why is Mr. T is hiding under a towel?
Ironf> Cause he's the first gangsta.
my-crow-soft> so, basicly rocky is a media whore now,
Ironf> Drunk at the arcade. That's always good for kicks
Ironf> He's a prison bitch now.
my-crow-soft> is stalone having a seizure there ?
BEMaven> a job? sure, he can be the official taster at a Sterno factory.
Ironf> This movie actually helped to start the career of Hulk Hogan.
cthulhu> What's Rockey gonna do, when Hulkamania runs over him.
Ironf> This is the old puffy roided Hogan
BEMaven> whose Hulk's manager? Rip Taylor?
Ironf> When does Nash run in and make the save?
cthulhu> Cause The Eye-Talian Stallion says so!!!
Djenk> In a 5 minutes of footage, Hogan performs more actual wrestling than in an entire career.
BEMaven> those tassles on Rocky's shoes set the Hulkster off.
Ironf> SLEEPER!
BEMaven> 'mickey! quick....the folding table!'
Djenk> Hogan, while his skin was somewhat less orange
BryanL> Stately Balboa Manor...
Djenk> Ahhhh, isn't that cute.....Rocky's learning to read.... ;)
Ironf> OH MY GOD.. It's the peguin!
cthulhu> Yup... from porn star to mega-star, that's the Sly Stallone story!
BryanL> And here, the Rocky music makes the odd transition to the fictional universe.
BEMaven> sans top.
BryanL> Boxers don't usually get statues.
Ironf> It looks nothing like him. I think they just found a boxer statue, filmed, and said it was suppossed to be him
BryanL> Stallone's got that particular prop in his foyer.
BryanL> Mmmm. Watch Mr. T stretch.
cthulhu> Does anyone understand a word he is saying?
Ironf> I am fluent in soul.
BryanL> It's amazing he made as much of a career out of just being Mr. T as he did, frankly.
Ironf> He's now bald and chainless and a holy roller.
Ironf> Oh and he's fighting cancer because of all the time he was with George Peppard.
cthulhu> It's RockeyCon 83.
BryanL> So, once again, the contrasting training montage. We saw this in Rocky 4 with nature vs. science, but in Rocky 3 it's money vs. poverty.
Ironf> Or new wave vs. old school.
BEMaven> so, i can have a shot at the title if i train alone, grunt, sweat, and make lewd remarks to Talia Shire?
cthulhu> Fortunetly for Clubber, Hannibal and Face have the ring bobby trapped.
BryanL> Mr. T watched almost fifteen whole minutes of Muhammed Ali interview tapes to prepare for this role.
BEMaven> 'i can't go out and fight while you're doin a swell impression of Durante.'
Plumm> did rocky just punch him in the nuts like three times there?
Djenk> Rocky, there's this thing called blocking punches, you might have heard of it....
BEMaven> for god's sake, somebody play 'Pop Goes The Weasel'.
Ironf> Is two sweaty men beating each other and wearing latex gloves GPS?
BryanL> Only in the clutch, Iron.
BryanL> What, they were waiting until the end of the fight to actually take Mick to the intensive care unit? Remind me never to get sick in Philly.
Plumm> special olympics playhouse presents
BryanL> It's not a morgue, so much as it is a filing cabinet for dead trainers.
BryanL> Rocky's going to deal with his grief the only way a red-blooded American man knows how to... beat the shit out of things.
Ironf> Carl's actually just tracking the Predator through the movie.
BEMaven> "you got me curious." shiny things will do that to Stallone.
Ironf> Ahh soul/blaxploitational music
BryanL> It's Da Pimp Gym.
Ironf> Which one of these guys is gonna bend Rock over in the shower
BryanL> Finally, the Survivor song.
BryanL> We've been waiting all night for the Survivor song.
Plumm> Creed works a little AC-ULTRA magic on Balboa.
Bice> It's marvelous how that screwy blue hat fits in at any locale.
cthulhu> I sometime think I'm a women in a mans body, Apollo.
BryanL> He's afraid he'll lose his pretty mind.
BryanL> And in the end, she uses her wings to carry Rocky out of the ring, just like Moe did with Homer.
BEMaven> Rocky! You're the bum! You need the eye of the tiger, and the spleen of a baboon, and the colon of a giraffe....
BryanL> All non-montage footage in this movie will be re-edited for a special edition "all-montage" DVD release.
Ironf> Uhh why the batch closeup?
Bice> Like they don't look goofy enough standing still, we have to see slow-mo closeups of their jowels swinging around as they run.
BEMaven> Apollo: 'catch me Rocky and you can have me.'
Plumm> and they both die of a heart attack on the beach and dolph lundgren wins the unified belt the end
BryanL> And running faster than Carl Weathers is supposed to prove something?
Ironf> GPS NOW!
Ironf> Ok Bry, two sweaty guys embracing is certainly GPS, right?
BryanL> Oh, definitely. Rolling around in the surf... half-naked...
BryanL> It looks like Rocky is wearing Creed's boxers. Looks like that 'no sex before the fight' rule's right out the window, folks!
BryanL> Who's that caressing Stallone's shoulder?
Ironf> Apollo
BryanL> GPS out the yinyang, then.
Djenk> Yeah, totally different strategy...instead of rushing in and flailing away....hes rushing in and flailing away
Ironf> See it's the rope-a-rocky move.
BryanL> Body blow!
BryanL> Body blow!
Bice> You know, a washboard stomach is a good goal to achieve. A washboard back just looks wrong.
BEMaven> 'i strong to the finish cuz my mickey was Jewish..'
BryanL> And now, the culmination of the movie's budding GPS. Just check the wakaguitar.
BryanL> Five minutes, they're giving each other "backrubs".
Plumm> a little gps denoument

ROPED DOPES

"You gave me a lousy, stinkin', ex-lax watch."
"The mountain of molten lust...THUNDERLIPS!"
"The ultimate object of desire"
"CATCH ME!!!"
"...that sucka..."
"I'll fight him anytime, anyplace."
"...kill ya to death..."
"The worse thing that could ever happen to a fighter...you got civilized."
"He ain't gonna kiss ya, he gonna kill ya."
"I'm ganna beatcha like a dog, a dog."
"You betta get that bad look offa you face before I knock it off."
"I know your manager dying had you all messed up inside."
"Did you wash them?"
"Hold 'em dammit, hold 'em."
"My mother hits harder than that!"

DINNER AND A HOMEGAME

"Beans and Cornbread, Beans and Cornbread had a fight. Beans knocked Cornbread out of sight. Cornbread said, 'Now, that's alright, meet me at the corner tomorrow night.' 'I'll be ready, I'll be ready tomorrow night,' That's what Beans said to Cornbread. 'I'll be ready tomorrow night....'"

During the presentation of Rocky III we were treated to visits by Randy "Macho Man" Savage as he helped Paul and Annabelle fix the following meal.

In a medium saucepan, combine the celery, carrot, bay leaf, salt and white wine with 2 quarts of water and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer 5 minutes.

In a medium sized bowl, combine the olive oil, lemon juice, parsley and shrimp. Season to taste with fresh ground black pepper and salt.

Set a well seasoned cast iron or nonstick pan over medium-high heat. Cut the tomatoes in half crosswise, brush with olive oil and arrange cut-side down on the pan.

Arrange all the antipasti around the table and prepare to get knocked out. Pity the fool who shows up late for dinner.