x253 PHANTASM III: LORD OF THE DEAD (5/22/99)

MOVIE
Phantasm III. Sadly not even the last of the series. You'd think by the low production values, this would be the death of the series, but somehow they found a way to make a 4th installment even cheaper. It's mostly cutting room footage of the first three, but that's a story for another time. In this movie, we have Reggie, the only surviving character from the other two films, still on his quest to destroy the Tall Man. He starts to collect a motley crew of a female Mr. T, and a small cracker child that is an idiot savant with a pistol. A rouge sphere that actually houses the spirit of a character from one of the earlier movies helps lead them to the lair of the dinks. This allows them to find out that the Tall Man doesn't like cold, yet he has a giant vat of liquid hydrogen laying around. They make him take a nestea plunge, but it doesn't work. Seems he has a giant golden sphere instead of a brain and it pops out, while a new Tall Man comes through his gates that he has set up or something. I dunno. Read the book or something, just make sure to buy it through one of our links.

BBOOYY!!
Balthayzr> Graphic Special Effects? As opposed to what, special effects hidden behind the scenery?
Ironf> Hi, I've got 70's hair. Pity me.
Balthayzr> Official Shaft Wall Paneling.
Ironf> DINKS!
BEMaven> it was all a dream. scarecrow is not having my lovechild.
Ironf> This has been backlog theater.
Balthayzr> "Phantasm! It's Phantasm-astic!"
Ironf> Boy, never try to scam a jawa. I tell ya...
Balthayzr> Mini-Monks. WHen a whole monk is just too much.
Balthayzr> Looks like Billy Barty finally did too much Imping.
BEMaven> phantasm3 presents...'what dreams may stall.'
Ironf> why are they making out. That's nasty
BEMaven> hey, they're smoking up a storm in the afterlife.
Balthayzr> Dr. Giggles?
Ironf> BOY!
BEMaven> talk about being buried in the part.
Ironf> Boy, rectal themom. are really complicated nowadays
Balthayzr> And George Carlin gets mugged by Edith Prickly.
Balthayzr> o/~ When I was a young man, I played the silver ball....o/~
Ironf> This is the one where they actually talk to one of the balls that houses his bros. spirit
Balthayzr> "Try one of my Salty silver Balls."
BEMaven> 'this is the director. our plot will be a holding pattern until they clear 'Matrix' off the runway.
Ironf> It's a shame that they let anyone use CGI nowadays.
Plumm> you know, if they'd just wear tinfoil hats, this wouldn't happen to them.
Balthayzr> What does it say about your life when you come back as a giant pinball?
Balthayzr> Hallway Sign.
BEMaven> passed out in the living room with a chrome ball....just like my night at the prom.
Ironf> 'It is assuradly so.'
Ironf> see it's a magic 8-ball and all. FUN
Balthayzr> Almost not quite Burgess Merideth!
Balthayzr> Shop at "Market". and save!
Ironf> I like to shop at "Eats" myself. Better selection.
Ironf> So the entire town is theirs to pillage, yet they wear those clothes.
Plumm> Kip Kinkel's extended family
Balthayzr> You know you're having a bad day when a hearse tailgates you.
Ironf> A pink hearse at that.
Ironf> Home Alone 12: This time it's lethal.
Balthayzr> Don't you know it's against the law to smuggle old pigtailed guys across state lines for the purpose of making bad movies?
BEMaven> he would have been better off at the home of the Lego Maniac.
Ironf> not NAM
BEMaven> i think they found this flasback in a ditch.
Balthayzr> How nice. They came and picked up the empties.
Ironf> This is really nothing more than an extra fey "I am legend" slighty tweaked.
Balthayzr> If you look behind that barrel there, you'll find the chaingun and a couple of Medkits.
Ironf> BDSM: It's not just for kids anymore.
Ironf> Phantasm III: 30% more reaction shots guarenteed.
BEMaven> i saw that same gag on Cow and Chicken.
Balthayzr> It could be, it could be.....It is! Home Run! Holy COw!
Balthayzr> Looks like Blade finally got that sex-change operation.
BEMaven> they've been driving in circles? that's what they get for asking a chrome ball for directions.
Balthayzr> Apparently, bad actors are somehow immune to the Tall Man.
my-crow-soft> again, i can't see why they call her rocky ? she looks flat to me,
Balthayzr> "WHo's got better vacation ideas than Triple-A?"
Ironf> Home to the world's largest killer chrome ball.
Balthayzr> This guy's gonna put someone's eye out with his dialogue gesturing.
BEMaven> what sort of man wears the Cartoon Network for underwear.
Ironf> Ghoul on the run, he's a ghould on the ruuuuunnn
Balthayzr> Hearse puts you in the Driver's Seat.
Ironf> And they still use OJ as a spokeman, Balth.
Balthayzr> Not meant to be phallic symbolism at all.
BEMaven> that is one dark air biscuit he floated.
my-crow-soft> he was jackin off or something ?
BEMaven> so his mind is flat and featureless? that's the first thing that made sense so far.
Ironf> BOY!
BEMaven> 'hey, mister! can we have our ball back?'
Balthayzr> "He's got a lock on! I can't shake him!"
Plumm> Wow, that's one complex glory hole.
BEMaven> Helping Hands from Hell.
Ironf> The Hamburger Helper hits on hard times
Balthayzr> Brain Claw!
BEMaven> John Carpenter's Hand Jive.
Balthayzr> Migraine pain can be like watching Maximum Overdrive.
Balthayzr> See, the problem is, you watch a Phantasm to see the Silver Brain-Drillers. ANd we've only had one such scene. Thus, your audience feels cheated.
Ironf> This movie need Eddie Deezen.
Ironf> He hopes to be able to make a dwarf that can do the mario.
Balthayzr> New Jello Brain-Driller cups!
Ironf> Beans on a knife. That's the life of a hobo.
Ironf> Demon's come a running for the great taste of Reggie.
Ironf> My god, it's full of balls
Balthayzr> Looks like the Tall Man has developed a taste for sweetbreads.
Balthayzr> Great Uncle Z'Dar.
Balthayzr> Stop cocking that eyebrow before it goes off.
Plumm> Meat Locker 2000!
Ironf> Melting wax. It's fun AND filmable.
Balthayzr> When Marital Aids Go Wrong!
BEMaven> you want to be in a Phantasm movie? can you run real fast during a steady cam shot?
Balthayzr> Well, that sure cleared everything up.
my-crow-soft> story ?
my-crow-soft> anything ?
Ironf> Nice dubbing there
Plumm> i'll always miss your strong manly embrace
Balthayzr> And thus, they teamed up with David Banner and traveled the country helping others.
Ironf> Not a set up for another at all. AT ALL!
Ironf> Watch to see who was the ball wrangler.
Balthayzr> Special Thanks to Coke? Why, did they have Limited Edition Phantasm Cans?
Balthayzr> "If you see a drilled zombie head under the cap, you win!"

BBBOOOYYY!!!

"I don't want him in pieces."
"What the hell are you doing here? You're dead."
"Tall Man? Where are you, you big pasty bastard?"
"The Tall Man left these...things"
"They didn't cover him up."
"Where the hell is that pink hearse?"
"It's one of those balls I was telling you about."
"I don't have a clue which way to go."
"I hope that ball has a better sense of direction than mine do."
"We got twin beds and single queens"
"Ever try vanilla?"

HG FUN PROJECTS

Please visit here to learn to make your own deeelicious silver Phantasm sphere.