x190 NIGHTBREED (12/6/98)

MOVIE
Nightbreed. The mere mention of the name should make you shiver. One of the main characters is played by a director buddy of the director. Which should be a clue that it's not all that good. The film really doesn't explain itself all that well, which really is typical of Barker's written words as well. We have a group of freaks and geeks that don't eat chickenheads. Then we have a guy that is in therapy that tells about his dreams killing people, which then happen. Anyway he gets killed, but comes back to life as a freak. It's all very complicated. He ends up fighting some rednecks that are planning on blowing up the cemetery where the freaks live so they can build a giant still. The rednecks are defeated, but the cemetery is blown up pretty good. So it's a happy ending for both sides. John Agar also makes a very special cameo.

STUD SERVICES

Djenk> Greatful Dead: The early years
BEMaven> cave painting by numbers
Djenk> Cave Paintings of Sure Commericals
BEMaven> raimi's shaky cam strikes again.
Ironf> When bad prostetic effects attack
Djenk> When Costume Parties Go Bad
BEMaven> Spencer's Gift Asylum
Elroy-L> the erotic exotic ball
Djenk> These were the images he conjures up during sex....lovely
Ironf> good thing they don't cut much on TBS
Ironf> Sign one your film may be in trouble: You invite other directors to play one of your leads
Elroy-L> sign two, focus on a stack of balls.
BEMaven> Doc: I like fruit. You like fruit.
Elroy-L> Prozac: the early years
Ironf> It's a KILLER
BEMaven> uh, you don't take the whole bottle at once, guy.
Ironf> To get good reviews, they slipped the same drug in the soda of the test audience
Djenk> Don't you hate it when you mix up the acid with the anti-psychotics?
BEMaven> oh, yeah. swallowing lithium all at once is VERY healthy.
Ironf> Fun Fact: Meridian is the title of a Full Moon Video movie about Werewolves
BEMaven> 'you.....you.....you're the one who directed 'Crash', you bastard!'
Ironf> NOT a matte painting
Ironf> And the magical Bong lights up
Elroy-L> hey, watch it with that forehead, pokey.
Ironf> You can love your dog, just don't 'love' your dog
Ironf> So after he was fired from all those McDonald's commercials, looks like Moon Man had to start mugging folks
BEMaven> we are more than 10 minutes into this, and all i can make out is the hero has some body odor issues.
Djenk> So, what do we have so far......a confused, acid-dropping, recently deceased misfit with connections to the afterlife....a shrink with a seriously twisted bedside manner.....
BEMaven> you know, Clive Barker felt people didn't really understand this film
Djenk> Clive confused "not understanding" with "deep loathing"
Ironf> Whores: Hearts-o-gold since 1802
Djenk> Plese don't smoke, we're dead
Ironf> nope, not over the top at all
Elroy-L> recap: so the head shrinker kills the guy who everyone thinks is the killer, but isn't because he's meat for the moonheads?
Djenk> Elroy: Yep, and 3:2 the shrink is the killer
Djenk> actually, more like 2:2.....
Elroy-L> if the head shrinker is the killer, then what's with the moonheads?
Elroy-L> this movie disturbs me.
BEMaven> i'm guessing the killer turns out to be James Cameron.
Ironf> That's one ugly ass cat
Ironf> See the shrink is the killer and he uses the tapes of his patients to give him the ideas for killing, thus he can easily pin it on them
Elroy-L> ok, but what about the moonheads?
Ironf> They are "boogie-men" for lack of a better word. Mutant race that live seperated from society
Elroy-L> and their roll in this movie, besides filler, is?
Djenk> A plot device....
Ironf> filler, talk soup filler, Abrams, Adams, Agar
BEMaven> more filler, Elroy...to keep Cronenberg from acting.
Elroy-L> oh, so he's "acting" now, is he?
Ironf> There is no acting, he's actually that damn creepy
Ironf> wait till he brings out the rednecks, then it's a party
Ironf> Oh and the reason he kills is cause he wants into Midean too
Elroy-L> so, he gets the special power of being ugly?
BEMaven> so after, what...50 years?...Agar can finally act?
Elroy-L> thats a stupid power, she can show people what they already know.
BEMaven> she shrivels at the sight of bad spfx.
Elroy-L> so, he wears the mask so he can be known as "Button Eyes"?
Ironf> Where did he come from, where did he go? Where didja ya come from Button Eye Joe
Ironf> It's exactly this reason that Blue Devil was kicked outta the JLA
GersonK> Just another Saturday at the Mariner's Inn
BEMaven> a cemetary with it's own fun house?
BEMaven> The Goddess HandJiva?
Ironf> THESE PIPES ARE CLEAN!
*** Plumm has joined #MST-HomeGame
Plumm> so recap me
Ironf> Amazing how a film can make no sense when you edit it badly
BEMaven> there's a race of shape shifters whose sole purpose is to pad out films, plumm
Djenk> Plumm: We have one live psycho shrink who wants to kill dead people....and one formerly dead guy who ran away with his still living girlfriend
Ironf> Jamie, you missed john Agar
BEMaven> yes, Clive Barker has introduced a cunning plot twist: A psychiatrist who is secretly a crazed killer.
Plumm> damn
BEMaven> more importantly...you missed Agar disguised as a xmas tree.
Ironf> Cronenburg wrapped him with Christmas lights, then shoved a big knife in him
Ironf> Who would have guessed. Illinois Nazis
Plumm> When did this turn into a Jack Van Impe video?
Djenk> Ah, heres a good idea.....rednecks, weapons, gasoline
Elroy-L> and trucks!
Plumm> Next, on ABC.
Plumm> On a very special Growing Pains, Carol's drunk driving victim undead boyfriend feeds her too much corpse and poor Carol goes bulimic.
Ironf> ohh a Shatner dropkick!
BEMaven> BTW, I have the Cliff Notes for 'Nightbreed'. All ten volumes.
Djenk> Ladies and Gentlemen, Your 98 Medina Monsters!!!
Ironf> I have lost any and all interest in this 'film'
Plumm> What card did my sucking chest wound pick? Guess!
BEMaven> Clive Barker: 'don't understand my story, huh? well, what if i just blow everything up?'
Ironf> enjoy this fine setup for a sequel
BEMaven> clive Barker: 'don't understand my story? too bad, i'm planning three triologies. haaahaaahaaa!'
Plumm> so, it was a movie and now it's over.

BREEDING NOISES

"SHUT-UP!"
"I can smell innocense at 50 yards."
"He's got a gun!"
"Miss Winston...everyone has a secret face."
"Do you want a drink...I want a drink."
"Aaron Boon...the tribes of Moon embrace you."
"The child has no life to save."
"Y'all come back now, ya hear."
"BOOOOOOONNNNNNNN"
"I was born to destroy them."
"Shangri-La on dope. We love it"



AGAR: THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND