x103 MR. STITCH (4/4/98)

MOVIE
In yet another Sci-Fi Original, things are all wierd and totally incomprehensible. And get this, they tried to be "arty" with it, which in this case simply meant all white backgrounds. Wee Willy Wheaton plays Lazarus, a person made of bits and pieces of 88 different people. Yeah it gets goofier. They left him without any sex organs too. Anyway he is suppossed to be the ultimate soldier, but he starts having memory flashbacks to some of the people's lives of the previous owners of his parts. He escapes the compound, fights with Taylor Negron in a nitro funny car, gets back to the compound and destroys the head doctor, himself, and the pricier new model with some nerve gas, while pretending to be Spock. Oh and there was a giant, floating eye.

WHITENESS
bowleg> Rutger Hauer, in his most glamorous font yet.
bowleg> Mr Stitch: Extreme Remix
Ironf> TAYLOR NEGRON!!!!
mgrasso> taylor!
bowleg> TAYLOR NEGRON!
KevinL> Music by Trent Reznor.
mgrasso> nai peeples, ron perlman, taylor negron. we are in for pure joy.
Ironf> Music by some kids we found in a garage.
mgrasso> macrame. it's what's for dinner.
bowleg> Tom Savini.
mikej> what happened to that dorn guy
*** mikej was kicked by bowleg (he's coming to your house in ten minutes)
Ironf> Bowleg kicked him so we could get on with our game
bowleg> Mr brain hurts!
mgrasso> THX-1138: the series
Ironf> Get ready for crap felows, I have seen this one.
bowleg> Wil! It's me! DR TED HAUER!
bowleg> Rutger Hauer IS Dr Hitler!
Ironf> That is a rather Warhol-ian hairdo.
KevinL> Rutger Hauer's hair IS Kyle Maclachlan's hair IN Showgirls!
Ironf> Hope you all like white. this movie is 75% in this one room
Kahless> Where is the Michael Dorn Chat?
William> It is here..
*** Kahless was kicked by bowleg (down the hall.)
*** William was kicked by bowleg (next door.)
*** Lactra was kicked by bowleg (go down the trapdoor.)
KevinL> They actually made action figures for this movie. One of them was Smarmy-Moustache Rutger Hauer.
BryanL> Eighty eight people. You're like a meat piano.
BillBear> Am I actually seeing this, or am I completely high?
bowleg> Ah! A giant Resident!
Ironf> He must have been hit with a laser at the laser show during "Don't Fear the Reaper"
BillBear> Seriously, is there a big floating eye?
mgrasso> rocky 6: full body cast
KevinL> He's in training to be a Cavity Creep.
bowleg> So, they didn't bother with sets or anything. "Oh, let's just get a bunch of lights and rent the studio for an afternoon."
bowleg> Interesting bookshelf technology.
BryanL> All I can say is, between the big white room and the CGI floating eye, the morons who made this movie thought they were about 30 times more clever than they actually were.
bowleg> Cabinet of Dr Stitch
mgrasso> finally. some color.
Ironf> Wow kinda early for a montage
*** Kahless (anon@jac-fl2-09.ix.netcom.com) has joined #MST-HomeGame
BillBear> Okay, this can't really be a movie. This is some acid-induced MTV student art film, right?
KevinL> He's got memories of being in a crappy war movie.
mgrasso> dead presidents 2: revenge of the superhonkies
bowleg> Ah! get the Resident away from me!
William> Why was I thrown out, I did not do anything bad...
BryanL> You were thrown out for making fun of KevinL's pants.
THX-1138EB> You know Wil was thinking "This is gonna get me an Emmy."
KevinL> The eye was full of salsa.
BryanL> Still, it's a nice change of pace for us. Our turdburgers are usually not quite so artfaggy.
* BryanL desperately wants to find out how Taylor Negron fits into all of this.
Ironf> Think we could all get together and make a movie to sell to Sci-Fi? i think so.
William> Well, I got to run back to my area. I have a chatroom at CultTVManSFM on this channel. It is about Scifi Modeling..You're welcome to come..
*** William (GC10000E@d005.ras1.scott.net) has left #MST-HomeGame
bowleg> Ah, Scifi modeling. YES!
BryanL> William needs to stop talking about his area.
mgrasso> how tempting is it to invade that channel
Ironf> He has a model of a plane that michael dorn has flown.
Venkman> What is that? A machine to make the area whiter?
bowleg> "let's go, Captain Bandage!"
bowleg> this is getting uh, kinda weird.
mikej> ironf who was the guy who kicked me off
Ironf> I think it was Kahless. He left.
mikej> why did he do that ill kick his ass next time i see him
BryanL> He's biased against people with "J"'s in their screen names, Mike. Or, at least, that's what he said.
Ironf> Here, Dianetics was the book, right?
Ironf> Get ready to crack up something fierce.
BryanL> Ebony and ivory, live together in perfect harmony.
THX-1138EB> He's got Andy Rooney's eyebrow
BryanL> He's the Slim Goodbody of the Beef Council.
bowleg> GPS already.
THX-1138EB> He's got one of Shaft's nipples.
BillBear> He's got the hair from the lead Singer of Ratt
KevinL> And you're hung like a horse.
bowleg> Oh man, I nominate this for Weakest Goofiest Dialogue in a HG Film yet.
THX-1138EB> So why did they need to use so many different patches of skin?
dungarees> Good think he doesn't have to worry about being accused of masturbating in that pose
BryanL> From what I've read, girls are stupid and stinky and have cooties, and therefore I must be a man.
THX-1138EB> I have chosen the name Gimpy.
dungarees> It's good to see the To the Ends of Time set getting some mileage
Ironf> Never let it be said that Rutger has a 'purty' mouth
dungarees> Do we really need to be THAT close to his tabbacy teeth and hideous lips?
bowleg> he's full of BTs
Ironf> Really folks. This is as good as this movie even attempts to be.
THX-1138EB> When someone extends their hand, you place it on your crotch.
BryanL> She's made up of 88 Peeples.
BryanL> You can't roam into classified territory, Wes. You have no dingle.
Ironf> Nice to see that Valarie Harper is able to get work, isn't it?
BillBear> Come on, movie! Show me a tree! A spider! An old tire! SOMETHING!
Ironf> That won't help Bear. I've warned you all. You're all trapped!
bowleg> cleared? I knew COS was involved!
BryanL> Great. They finally show something not white, and it's blurry.
Venkman> Does anyone know how the BK shakes get so thick?
BryanL> They're made up of 88 different other shakes.
bowleg> We now return to the Cabinet of Dr. Crappy.
bowleg> here you go, have some Yanni.
bowleg> and because of his Warhol wig. That has something to do with it.
dungarees> She needs to take a hand job night course or something
bowleg> He was edited to the ground!
BillBear> Did Rutger Hauer just ride in on a white skooter????
THX-1138EB> He's riding a Rug Doctor?
bowleg> So, did the director of this film think he was making a compelling, modern "Frankenstein" "with an edge"?
Ironf> Yes leg, that and he found a spare warehouse and 40 gallons of white paint
BryanL> I actually think this is one of the few SFC Originals that was actually produced by SFC and isn't just a made for video flick they snagged the rights to.
BryanL> Back in a bit... gotta cook the steak. That is not a euphemism.
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
Merlynn> Why didn't we go after any of the HBO movies?
*** Merlynn has quit IRC ((signed off))
bowleg> flllloood.
THX-1138EB> looooooad
Ironf> That right there is why he never makes it into the pages
THX-1138EB> Chalkboards covered with pseudo science formulas. The cornerstone of any sci-fi film.
BryanL> All of a sudden it's The Andromeda Strain.
Ironf> I tried to warn people. Did they listen? Noooooo.
* BillBear likes it when super-secret R&D labs put signs on doors that say things like "Chemical Weapons"
KevinL> Yeah, his 3-cylinder Geo Metro could push the Evil O.J.-Mobile. Right.
BillBear> Most research labs have a lot of souped-up nitro-burning funny cars.
Ironf> See Taylor had that mini van souped-up
Ironf> Taylor always has bitchin ride man
KevinL> So, it's Kids in the Hall all of a sudden?
Ironf> Now back to monochrome.
BryanL> It's good that they keep their chemical weapons in a men's room.
KevinL> Your dead gay son is my left foot.
BryanL> This is VX Nerve Gas. The most powerful handgun in the world.
BryanL> You know, Tim Curry is watching this and thinking, "Tone it down a bit, guy".
BryanL> I deleted your copy of Leisure Suit Larry.
BryanL> You know, the deadliest nerve gas in the world takes a long friggin' time to kill people.
dungarees> Ironic. They make him androgynous, yet there's a giant breast mounted on their roof.
THX-1138EB> I will always be your friend, Jim.
BryanL> The needs of the many outweigh... dammit, THX.
bowlegged> We didn't learn anything.
BryanL> I learned that Wil Wheaton's performance in "Tin Soldiers" was not a fluke.
Venkman> I learned that scifi originals are always painul.
THX-1138EB> I learned that Mr. Dorn loves his porn.
dungarees> I learned that irritants never go away
KevinL> I learned that nifty stunt drivers do not a movie make.
Ironf> I learned that I tried to warn everyone, but the rantings of one person can't save everyone.
Merlynn> I learned jess is going to hate me til the day I die. And he's probably not the only one.
BillBear> I learned that even the presence of Rutger Hauer is not enough to counteract the Wheaton Effect.
bowlegged> I learned that it's possible to go to film school and not learn anything about film.

88 SAYINGS

"What in sam hill is going on here?"
"I'm sick of being watched by that eye!"
"I do seem to have a knack for fisticuffs."
"I'm hideous." "You're fantastic."
"Where are my sexual organs?" "You have none."
"You have no carnal inequity."
"I've decided I'm a man."
"It's that thing. It's loose!"
"You broke my nose, man."
"There is a Hell. There is a Hell and you will burn in infinity!"
"Keep it frosty, Deputy Dawg"
"Taking my gun could be construed as an act of treason, you little freak!"
"This is completely off-limits!"
"Die." "He's dead already."