x04 The Jungle Woman (8/18/97)

WHO TO BLAME
Director: Reginald Le Borg
Screenwriters: Henry Sucher, Edward Dein, Bernard Schubert
Producer: Will Cowan

MOVIE
In this, the 2cd installment in the "Captive Wild Woman" cycle, veteran character actor J. Carrol Naish does an inept mad scientist routine in lieu of John Carradine. Much psuedoscience goes on, a lumbering retarded man by the name of Willy wanders around and likes things VERY MUCH, seemingly unrelated lion-taming goes on as if it mattered, and our hero "Bob" does things he isn't too proud of. Oh, and it's short.

A FETID CHUNK OF RANDOM QUOTES
lando5> Hmmm...that's fascinating...now go away. Can't you see I'm doing science stuff?
Groatleg> with Douglass Dumbrille as "The Jungle"
BryanL> Acquanetta? Isn't she one of Prince's musicians?
Balthasar> And now, more aimless wandering in the bushes.
THX-1138> The good old days of science, before switches, lights, and buttons.
lando5> gasping...the mark of a master at exposition.
Groatleg> "the thrilling animal sequences" Oh, I don't know...

Jamie> Sigh, every Thanksgiving, the Lions game is on TV, every Thanksgiving they eat a guy....
lando5> "Not being a scientist, you are intellectually inferior, and thus incapable of understanding 'I did it.'"
BryanL> And the movie takes the stunning action down 8 notches.
Groatleg> Damnit, I should really start organizing things better... Get one of those Trapper Keepers...
Jamie> Donna Reed IS Phyllis Coates in Moby Dick
Balthasar> Tonite, the part of Dumb Guy will be played by German Guy.
BryanL> Anything that can help my turtleneck research?
lando5> And thus, King Kong Lives...I throw myself on the mercy of the court.
BryanL> Interesting pacing. Murder, sitting and talking. Wild animal attack, sitting and talking.
Jamie> Huhsh, Hush, Sweet Jungle Woman
Groatleg> Step right up and get your fetid creamhorns!
Balthasar> So, the ape thing turns out to be Raymond Burr, right?
lando5> So...every time he goes into the cage, he gets knocked cold...this is the basis of his career?
Jamie> That stock footage is gonna get streaks if he whips it like that
Groatleg> He should just understand once and for all that lion-taming is just NOT one of his skills.
lando5> Fred...y'know...I don't think there's anything to this nicotine addiction theory...
Jamie> They need to wrap this trial up before Dr. Mason returns from lunch.
BryanL> Maybe this lion tamer should have started out in banking, and worked his way up to lion taming gradually.
Groatleg> Ah, the timeless story of a profoundly DULL man and his pursuit of excellence in a little-respected field...
Balthasar> Annie Oakley called-she wants her hat back.
BryanL> I love coming down to the rear projection screen with you...
lando5> the girl frightened me...she didn't wear hats...that scared me.
Jamie> I wonder how much the lions pay for the nosebleed seats
BryanL> It's kind of a fascist word association thing.
lando5> I decided that I could accomplish more by killing everyone, thereby silencing the voices in my head.
Balthasar> So, instead of hallways, this movie uses paths in the woods?

Jamie> Warren Beatty IS Tommy Kirk IN Merlin Jones!
THX-1138> This is so The Usual Suspects.
Groatleg> This picture would really work better if the doctor broke into song right about now...
BryanL> So he obsesses over the ashtray, and gets rid of the guy she reacted to. Good move.
lando5> We walked around the yard, looked behind a couple of bushes, then decided to call it a night.
THX-1138> Her voice resonates in my head and it hurts.
Groatleg> now drink deeply from this thick broth we call "Jungle Woman"
BryanL> Has anyone figured out the connection to the lion taming scenes yet?
Balthasar> Willy, we hardly knew ye. Of course, that goes for all the rest of them, too.
lando5> I'm about to launch into some protracted technobabble, Bob...get your dictionary out.
Groatleg> watch as they turn the Universal backlot into a GIANT MUD PIT!
Jamie> only the sci-fi channel would take these movies..... welcome to the edge!
THX-1138> The moral of the story - tamper with nature.

MOST REVEALING LINES FROM THE FILM
"To you, Mr. district attorney, my story might border on what I'm sure you'd call fantastic!"
"I injected adrenalin... probed for the bullet..."
"I learned that Shiela, the ape, was still alive..."
"You're letting your imagination run away with you! Take it easy."
"Much useful knowledge... The study of plants and their effect on the human body."
"I was both startled and suprised to see... Willy... approaching with a young lady..."
"Keep watching it long enough... it's color seems to change from a black to uh... brilliant blue..."
"An animal must've disturbed the birds or something."
"If I were God I'd give every Joe like me a canoe like this..."
"I'm not ready to say just yet. It's all part of an experiment."

HIT START