HE IS A REAL AMERICAN 
Ironf> Let'sss get ready to JESSSSSEEE!
KevinL> Aaaaw yeah, boyyyy.
mgrasso> calls calls calls, calls from the public
KevinL> Is everybody ready to put the smack down?
KevinL> I hope everyone here has plenty of time to bleed.
BryanL> I'm not sure. Let me check my Franklin Bleeding Planner.
mgrasso> who will play schwarzenegger?
BryanL> I have one free hour for bleeding, but that's it.
mgrasso> why does jesse look like cuba gooding jr.?
Ironf> Chris Canyon ladies and gents.
mgrasso> good lord, this is wrong.
KevinL> Was that kid wearing an NWO t-shirt?
Ironf> Jesse never wrestled in the WCW
BryanL> Obviously, they're using 90's wrestling tropes in their 80's wrestling reenactment.
mgrasso> continuity by:
Ironf> ahh the grandma in the wheel chair move
BryanL> I don't think there WAS a WCW in 84, was there?
Ironf> It may have been still the AWA
KevinL> Crowd Favorite vs Rule Breaker.
BryanL> NBC's much better at finding body doubles for flaming pickup trucks than they are for governors.
Ironf> I hear they have this Jesse rigged to burst into flames at the end of the match Bry
KevinL> Do the Eye-Gouge, you turkey-neck.
mgrasso> yeah, this guys kinda lumpy.
BryanL> And such an inspired music choice, too.
mgrasso> flashback to NAM!
Ironf> NAM?!
mgrasso> NAM!
BryanL> Clubber Lang is down!
KevinL> Coke O.D.
Ironf> He says it's from Agent Orange.
* Bice wants to be Jesse's girl
KevinL> Yeah, but he smokes cigarettes wrapped in bacon.
Ironf> cough cough homo cough cough
mgrasso> "i'm not just the hair club president... oops."
BryanL> Hm. Don't look like him? Don't sound like him? Guess we're supposed to take it on faith that it IS him.
mgrasso> they got the accent down. kinda.
BryanL> We needed one of those John Madden arrow things before.
Bice> Crayon captions with pointy arrows - the sign of a quality documentary.
BryanL> David Byrne called. He wants his suit back.
Ironf> Hi, I'm wide.
mgrasso> this is like "it's a wonderful life," huh?
KevinL> I live in Minneapolis, Jesse. Your daddy did a shitty job of fixing our streets.
Ironf> Wow they even faked the "I am the greatest" speach.
mgrasso> they eat cafeteria style... why aren't i surprised.
BryanL> Yep. I'm buying this incredibly ironic coincidental dialog.
Ironf> I hope they hit on his whore usage
mgrasso> it's not jesse without WHORES.
BryanL> I hope they don't touch on the whole no underwear thing.
Ironf> That is soooo NOT Superstar Billy Grahm
mgrasso> is he singing "mama said knock you out?"
BryanL> Popcorn! Steroids! Poor policy!
mgrasso> popcorn, peanuts, cheap political hucksterism!
mgrasso> shit, bry!
mgrasso> jesus CHRIST.
BryanL> Scary, ain't it?
Ironf> Kev, your governor sells popcorn?
KevinL> Apparently.
Bice> This movie has all the subtlty of "Starfighters"
mgrasso> mayoNAISE!
BryanL> This is just like An Officer And A Gentleman, only it sucks... more.
Plumm> If you don't so your jumping jacks, how we can hand over this base to the ChiComs 25 years from now, WORMS??!!
Ironf> You gotta fight, for the right, tooo beeee JESSSSSEEEE
KevinL> Jesse was never actually a SEAL, he was really a Navy WALRUS.
KevinL> Goo goo gajoob.
BryanL> "They try and fail?" "They try... and die."
mgrasso> wow. that looks like they lose a lot of recruits that way.
Ironf> WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUCTION JESSE!
BryanL> Training scenes ghost-scripted by Robert Heinline.
KevinL> Only 1 percent of SEALS actually survive the training, the guy with the M-60 smokes the rest.
mgrasso> but they let demi moore in. go fig.
mgrasso> he sounds more canadian than minnesotan.
Ironf> That's actually the Brain's robotic body.
Bice> Why is Henry Rollins playing Jesse?
BryanL> Berkeley, 72? He's gonna found the SCA?
Plumm> No, he's gonna invent the Jesus Freaks.
Plumm> what? birth thru NAM in fifteen minutes?!
BryanL> Now he looks like Shatner.
Ironf> If this is Jesse, I don't want to see thier faux-Stones.
BryanL> Costumes and motorbikes! This is fantastic!
KevinL> Okay, the be-suited Narrator Jesse is really starting to bug me.
mgrasso> brainerd! where's frances mcdormand!
BryanL> Hey, 50's cars on the street in the late 70's!
Ironf> He looks like the guy from 3'oclock high. The Bully.
KevinL> Jimmy! You look like shit, Jimmy.
BryanL> It's a Changeling! Get him!
BryanL> I just got some steroids from the Farmer's Market, if you'd like.
KevinL> You know I never had no use fer book-learnin', pop.
Bice> Now he's being played by Hulk Hogan. I'm really confused.
mgrasso> is he fighting macaulay culkin?
BryanL> So... he's had this epiphany HOW MANY TIMES ALREADY?
Ironf> Please don't let the be-suited on show up between the sheets.
mgrasso> twice the jesse... twice the FREAKIN'
BryanL> He's a slow learner even when he's talking to himself.
KevinL> I wanna wear tights and a feather boa, and roll around on the floor with other sweaty men. But not in a gay way.
BryanL> More of a Viking way?
KevinL> Exactly.
mgrasso> finally, a wrestling school where you learn to beat the shit out of the referee.
Ironf> camel clutch!
mgrasso> this guy plays jesse like he's a fucking shyster lawyer in a TV ad.
BryanL> It's like Jesse's here doing an infomercial for Jesse.
BryanL> We are as one. We've formed Riffing Voltron.
mgrasso> form the.... head!
Bice> Wow, I never realized that professional wrestling weeded people out until only the truely ignorant remained.
Ironf> The hell!? The be-suited one can interfer with the real life?
KevinL> Nick Bakay IS Jesse Ventura.
BryanL> And we see where Wrestling's Secrets special pays off.
mgrasso> told you this would work.
Ironf> You think that Jesse is watching the be-suited Jesse watch the other Jesse?
BryanL> I forget sometimes just how bad network Teevee is.
Plumm> I heard they tried to have a shittier framing device, but standards & practices shot them down
BryanL> I heard they looked for a shittier framing device, but were in fact unable to find one.
mgrasso> well, i heard that the patty duke movie stole their idea of multiple jesses, but they still used it.
BryanL> They're wrestlers! Identical wrestlers! A boa makes them lose control!
mgrasso> movie sign
mgrasso> sweaty lifting-belt sign, sorry.
BryanL> Hey, he's finally getting the gruff voice going.
mgrasso> i think it's because he just finished off a fifth of scotch.
Bice> What the hell are they talking about? Since when does wrestling have technical jargon?
KevinL> And that's where I met my Nevada hooker.
mgrasso> "dreaaaaamweaver..."
KevinL> C'mon. Bring on the hoors.
BryanL> We're already past Hoors. We're into One True Love territory. No hoors.
Bice> You know, it's rare that you can find a bimbo who's also into fake violance.
mgrasso> she likes her sweaty men touching each other, that's for sure.
BryanL> Whirlwind courtship. One rasslin match and bang, she's his.
KevinL> He just told her it's fake, and yet she still feels the need to cheer. Not too bright, is she?
BryanL> He's so not filling out that suit.
Balthayzr> Nice to see Jesse wore his best Motorcycle outfit for his wedding day.
Ironf> Hey! The real Jesse doesn't wear underwear!
mgrasso> a change of underwear??? damn, where were the fact-checkers!
Plumm> grasso: maybe he got dressed up for his wedding
Ironf> well technically underwear could be a clean white wifebeater shirt
Balthayzr> Hillcrest Motel: Hosting Wrestler Impromptu weddings since 1957.
KevinL> Then he pile drives her and breaks her neck.
BryanL> I can't even begin to imagine the sickness involved in this scene.
Bice> First pizza delivery guy I've ever seen wearing a tie.
Balthayzr> I needed to bleach my hair until I went prematurely bald.
Plumm> he's bleaching!
Balthayzr> He looks like a negative of Tarzan.
BryanL> That is, wihout a doubt, the most psychotic wedding night in the universe.
Plumm> She's running through all her old dildo nicknames.
Bice> "The Dimwit"
Ironf> How about 'Stone Cold'? No, that'll never work, ever.
BryanL> Did you say "The Limpdick"?
Balthayzr> How about naming youself after a psychotic Marvel Superhero?
KevinL> Call yourself "The Potty". You could urinate on people after you beat them.
Ironf> That's the Urinator's gimmic Kev.
KevinL> Oh. Sorry.
Balthayzr> If Micheal Buffer and Vince McMahon had a child.
BryanL> You're a warrior. Of the glass jungle.
KevinL> He's a whore-ior.
Balthayzr> He's the Warrior? We changed Bio subjects in mid-stream?
Bice> Jeeze, I wouldn't want to see what Jesse "The stool" Ventura does to his victims.
Balthayzr> Authentic Jesse "Wolfpac" T-shirts.
Ironf> Gold-berg! Gold-berg! Gold-berg!
BryanL> Goldberg?
Balthayzr> Goldberg's older than I thought.
KevinL> Jesse so never wrestled Goldberg.
Balthayzr> Goldburg! Goldberg! Gol-Golberg!
BryanL> NBC's attempt to curry favor with the hardcore wrestling geeks is doomed to backfire, methinks.
Balthayzr> This is just such an acting stretch for Bill, isn't it?
Bice> Why was that one guy in the crowd holding up a STOP sign? What, did they run out of cardboard signs to give the extras, so they ripped one off the street outside the studio?
KevinL> Not only that, but they're using stock Goldberg footage.
Balthayzr> How can ya tell, Kev? Goldberg fights the same exact way every match.
Balthayzr> "Hi, dad! I'm a hero to trailer trash everywhere! Are you proud of me?"
BryanL> This would be much cooler if those were Tom Green's parents.
KevinL> He's 35, it's a little late for phases, don't you think?
BryanL> WRESTLING MONTAGE!
Plumm> meanwhile, I was being born.
Balthayzr> I don't remember Jesse having a beer gut.
Bice> What's with the "floating over the crowd" shot? Is he god now?
Balthayzr> He's been taken up, Bice.
BryanL> Yeah, notice how Jesse's always wearin' shirts in the rasslin scenes?
mgrasso> i heard paul wight's going to play andre the giant. very few prosthetics required.
BryanL> Nice Macho Man impersonation, guy.
Balthayzr> Macho Man voice over?
KevinL> He dresses like Jesse, but he talks like Randy Savage.
KevinL> He's kinda like Queen Amidala that way.
BryanL> Shirt.
Ironf> That's because he has bitch tits Bry.
Balthayzr> I also don't remember Jesse ever doing the Neste Plunge.
Balthayzr> Of course, I don't remember Jesse wearing a suit and stalking himself.
Bice> Is this over at 10, or does it go on for another hour?
mgrasso> a full 2 hours. the last half concerns zoning laws in brooklyn park.
Ironf> It's a 4 hour special.
KevinL> It's a 16 hour miniseries to compete with Cleopatra.
Ironf> Time Stalkers II starring Jesse Ventura
Plumm> Of course not, Balth, that was part of the Shadow Government's time-travel experiments.
KevinL> Actually, that narrator isn't even an actor, it's just the Jesse-in-a-Suit doll on a stick.
BryanL> Nah. The Jesse In A Suit doll's suit fits.
Balthayzr> Get ready. Observer says there's a part where Jesse defends Bret Hart against Vince after the Title Screw-job.
BryanL> What's a title screw job?
KevinL> When McMahon gave away the title even after Hart won.
Ironf> screw job is an ending that's anything other than a clean pin
Balthayzr> Hart was supposed to keep his title, but Vince had them ring the bell because he "gave up".
Ironf> Hart spit a big goob right in Vinny Mac's caw.
Balthayzr> Hart chased Vince into the backroom and busted a knuckle on his head.
Ironf> But don't take my word for it.
Balthayzr> For more wrestling stories. visit your local library.
Balthayzr> There's "Belinda and her Big, Sweaty men" by Lance Buttman.
Balthayzr> He's got her in the Figure Four!
Ironf> And his son double-crosses him and comes out cesarean!
Ironf> MIDGET!!
BryanL> Nothing improves a delivery like drill sargenting.
BryanL> F. Lee Ermey, Midwife.
Balthayzr> And the baby puts the wetnurse in a headlock.
Balthayzr> He's fighting the Incredible Crash Dummy!
mgrasso> he's wrestling john walsh?
BryanL> I didn't think Jesse was much of a tagteamer.
Balthayzr> I'm detecting a supreme lack of Adrian Adonis here.
Balthayzr> Jesse, if you can't play nice with your toys, you can't play anymore.
Balthayzr> Midget in a towel. Always a ratings grabber.
KevinL> Jesse "The Hoffa" Ventura.
Balthayzr> Jesse teleported!
mgrasso> politics in the locker room. hand me the dr. scholl's powder, jesse, i need to quell your swelling political aspirations.
Plumm> SOLIDARITY FOREVER, SOLIDARITY FOREVER, Jesse will make us strong! o/~
BryanL> And now, for those who enjoyed our earlier footage, here's our earlier footage.
Plumm> did Jesse really start a wrestler's union?
Balthayzr> He tried, Jamie.
Ironf> That's why he was booted from the WWF, suppossedly.
Plumm> he tracks closer to Reagan than I thought. Maybe he will be President.
Plumm> But a Bush will muscle his way on the ticket and another family friend will take a shot at Jesse, and he'll back off messing with their drug markets.
Balthayzr> In his final match, Jesse made himself submit to the lung bloodclot lock.
KevinL> He's a Biological Time Bomb.
Balthayzr> Should I be scared that the faux-Jesse refers to himself in the third person?
BryanL> This is just like that Simpson's episode with the cannonball.
Ironf> Hi, I'm a supersized crazy Dennis Hopper.
KevinL> And he's goin' to the Amoeba Hop.
Balthayzr> ANd now, Jesse tries to get his own videogame started and is fired by Vince McMahon.
Balthayzr> Doctor Demento is playing Gorilla Monsoon?
mgrasso> gorilla monsoon?
mgrasso> no, no, no.
Ironf> NOT GORILLA MONSOON!
Plumm> looks more like mr french
Balthayzr> I think, honestly, that that is the guy who plays the new Captain Kangaroo.
Balthayzr> I also never knew that the WWF was called the WCW until recently.
BryanL> More WCW banners... it's like they paid for product placement.
mgrasso> well, at least the agent orange didn't make him sterile.
KevinL> Trash that baby, Jess.
KevinL> And get a mop.
BryanL> Your father's stirring moral rectitude has forced the baby loose!
mgrasso> maybe they'll get stuck in an elevator, and hilarity will ensue.
BryanL> A little DX7 vibraphone to represent the miracle of birth.
KevinL> This is the "Jesse's wife squeezes one out" theme.
Ironf> This would have been a great pilot for a series.
Balthayzr> Jade? He named her after Race Bannon's kid?
Ironf> Be-suited Jesse could, umm, we'll call it 'leap' into the lives of people and bitchslap them.
Balthayzr> Not the Spanish Announcer's table again!@
Balthayzr> Cheesehat! Cheesehat!
mgrasso> is this a commercial for "lancer"?
Plumm> They said they only needed one gay wrestler!
Balthayzr> Warning! Thinly disguised Bret Hart Alert!!
BryanL> Man, Jesse's devotion to the fundamental archetypes of rassling is touching.
Balthayzr> Tonight, the part of Raven will be played by Scott Levy.
mgrasso> with ben kingsley as the evil manager.
Balthayzr> Yes! Go get the Vince McMahon clone that looks like Verne Gange!
Balthayzr> OK, Jesse's fever dream is over. Can we see his actual career now?
Balthayzr> mmmmmm.....4 steel pins in my skull......
KevinL> Later, we get to see the bruhaha that occured when Sonny Landham wouldn't stop upstaging Bill Duke on the set of Predator.
BryanL> Hey, cars from the 70's! It must be 2007.
Balthayzr> I never knew Jesse suffered from Munchausen Syndrome.
mgrasso> rainier wolfcastle!
Ironf> Bad faux-Arnnie
KevinL> So, Batman and Robin came BEFORE Predator?
BryanL> Man, we missed out on a Jesse TV series.
Ironf> They should have had the be-suited Jesse rise up from the sludge like Rambo.
Ironf> Campaign headquarters: The Blue Oyster
BryanL> He's mastered the art of delivering bon mots between bullets.
Balthayzr> So, Jesse learned political savvy from dead ducks?
BryanL> It's the Exxon Valdez story all over again.
KevinL> Here's where Jesse joins Greenpeace and becomes an Eco-Terrorist.
BryanL> I've been to city council meetings. They're nothing like this.
Balthayzr> Jesse first tried to solve the dirty water problem with a cage match. When that didn't work, he went to a town meeting. And had a cage match.
KevinL> That damn pollution is killing our wildlife before we get a chance to shoot it!
Plumm> Wow, the government access channel was smoking that night!
mgrasso> he talks like he's in a anti-perspirant commercial.
KevinL> Actually, it's Vancouver. It's cheaper to shoot there.
Balthayzr> You can see Mulder and Scully shooting in the background.
mgrasso> the minneapolis opinion?
mgrasso> real paper, lamberti?
BryanL> Totally fake paper.
Balthayzr> "i'm a weenie."
BryanL> "I was beaten by a bunch of kids!"
Plumm> too bad he didn't do anything about the biowarfare ops they worked on your bronchitis, Bryan.
BryanL> If they fake age Dad any farther, this'll be The Mummy.
KevinL> He was always a closet heterosexual, just like David Bowie.
Balthayzr> Ya can't tell Canyon was booking the movie, huh?
Balthayzr> Did he just call him "Brain"?
BryanL> Bobby "The Brain" Gumbel.
Balthayzr> "Adrian!!!! I did it! I'm mayor!!!!"
BryanL> If Dad dies during the interview, I'm leaving.
KevinL> Actually, Bryan, Jesse's parents were killed and eaten by George the Animal Steele.
Balthayzr> They completly skipped the part where he single-handedly saved all the kids in the burning orphanage by picking up the water tower and pouring it over the flames.
mgrasso> the SECRET ORIGIN of jesse ventura
Balthayzr> This has the stench of Dean Devlin all over it.
Balthayzr> Now, does President Jesse appear and start narrating over the Governor Jesse scenes?
mgrasso> whoa.
BryanL> "What You Say." "What Jesse Hears"
Balthayzr> The Brooklyn Park council was run by the Chipmonks?
* KevinL actually currently resides in Brooklyn Park, MN. No joke.
Ironf> were you around during his mayoralship?
KevinL> Nope.
Ironf> He suplexed the caskit into the grave
BryanL> They put dad in the coffin with a bunch of live scarab beetles.
BryanL> Shouldn't MOM be going through the things? Oh. There she is.
Ironf> George "The Dead" Janos
KevinL> Now there'll be no one to fix the streets, and the potholes will just grow and grow.
BryanL> Now they're ripping off plot points from S1 Babylon 5.
BryanL> "You never told me you were at The Line!"
Balthayzr> I understand Jesse tried to get his father back by challenging the Grim Reaper to a Lumberjack Match.
Ironf> It's called Darwinism
Ironf> look it up.
KevinL> Stupidity is nature's way of weeding out the stupid? Huh?
mgrasso> damn parents.
mgrasso> they must be stupid, nature's weeding them out.
Ironf> That's why I know I can make a pact with the devil to bring her back. Really!
BryanL> Man... Jesse's parents just aren't that hearty.
Balthayzr> Ah. The old "Showing emotion by gasping for breath" routine.
BryanL> I don't think KFAN was either FM, nor up that high on the dial.
mgrasso> there *is* no 108.5
mgrasso> that's like VHF 4
KevinL> This is the spot on your dial 3 points higher than it actually goes, so you're not even hearing this.
BryanL> Maybe it was 108.555.1212.
mgrasso> and now, we reach sweet, climactic denouement.
Plumm> no, denouement is after he wins, dude
* Plumm draws a chart.
BryanL> Governor Gump.
Balthayzr> Bubba? In Minnisota?
Balthayzr> Yes, I think Dusty Rhodes is alive and well.
BryanL> Someone kick this movie's ass.
KevinL> That's it boys. Great work. Oh, and your asses are lookin' mighty fine in those tight pants.
mgrasso> is it me, or is this movie languishing like a monday night WWF classic match from the mid-80s?
Balthayzr> Also note that, despite the product placements, they completly skipped over his WCW career.
BryanL> I don't think I realized the extent to which docudramas can, well, make shit up.
Balthayzr> ANd no exciting footage of Billy Grahams 45 hip replacements! I feel so slighted.
BryanL> Oh, god, I remember that, Balth.
KevinL> Remember what?
BryanL> Them actually showing one of Billy Graham's surgeries on WWF.
Balthayzr> Vince McManon Filming Graham's Hip replacement surgery and showing it on Prime Time Wrestling.
Balthayzr> Ugh. My local news is interviewing Sable at 10:00.
Balthayzr> "DO you find that your 50 pounds of implants help you preform the one wrestling move you know?"
BryanL> Heh. We've got Jesse hisself on local news.
Balthayzr> I'll trade ya.
Balthayzr> I think "The Jesse Ventura Story" refers to a badtime tale Jesse wove for his kids.
Balthayzr> bedtime tale, even.
Ironf> HE CAN MOVE FASTER THAN LIGHT!!!
Plumm> Vote for me! I'm weaselly!
KevinL> Two guys on a motorcycle. At least that's not gay.
BryanL> And I think the odds of Dean Barkley riding the back of Jesse's hog are pretty fucking slim, too.
Balthayzr> To a Democrat, *Both sides* of an issue means the regular left wing and the extreme left wing.
BryanL> Um... I don't remember this at all.
Ironf> Bry, Kev, did this cut air?
KevinL> Fuckin' kill me now.
KevinL> It cut cheese, Iron.
mgrasso> holy shit, i go to make a sammich, and sister souljah shows up?
Plumm> i had the same sammich experience.
Ironf> Can they not even get the rights for "my governor can beat up your governor"?
mgrasso> got to admit, though, that kid's got tyrell's weird-ass eyebrow down.
Balthayzr> The only thing in this movie that actually happened is that Jesse is a carbon-based life form.
KevinL> Wow, they said "Pioneer Press". They must really be filming in Minnesota.
mgrasso> ah, remember these days of 1998, fellas? when we followed jesse's campaign with increasing interest? those were the days.
BryanL> Heh. Backroom politics... only it's frontroom.
Balthayzr> Why is Jesse debating William Shatner?
KevinL> Norm "Quimby" Coleman.
Plumm> Because he's stalking himself.
* mgrasso coughs up some sammich crumbs
Balthayzr> Jesse "The Doppleganger" Ventura.
mgrasso> surprisingly, skip humphrey and norm coleman played each other.
mgrasso> ah, fakey email.
mgrasso> the circle (jerk) is complete
BryanL> All the kids were abuzz in their chatrooms about the Jesse guy.
BryanL> There weren't Jesse figures.
KevinL> Church? Mom, dad says he could body-slam Jesus any day.
Balthayzr> So, the Jesse dolls were just recolored Hollywood Hogan dolls?
Plumm> did the wife really name him and write the commercials, or did they make that up too?
BryanL> I loved legalized prostitution when I was in the army!
KevinL> Legalize pot and hookers so I don't have to break the law so damn much!
Balthayzr> "Where do you stand on Prostitution?" " Over one fifth and main.....oops."
Plumm> GO JESSE!
BryanL> Again, the Minneapolis Opinion
BryanL> They need that Hitchhiker's Guide caption. "THIS NEVER HAPPENS". Blinking on and off.
Plumm> I love it when he says those convoluted campaign quotes verbatim stacatto.
Balthayzr> "I never said I was against cold coffee and runny eggs!"
KevinL> I think what the jerk meant to say was that he'd rather have a hooker than a wife. Oh, that's not right.
Balthayzr> Vote for Jesse or we'll show you his batch!"
mgrasso> so, let's see.
mgrasso> this movie is an hour and a half of midget wrestling, and a half-hour replay of his commercials.
KevinL> Hey, Jesse was wearing underpants for -that- one.
BryanL> Ladies and gentlemen, that was the most accurate thing in this entire movie.
mgrasso> yeah, he got the wink down, fifteenth take.
Balthayzr> I hear Jesse tried out for this, but just wasn't right for the part.
BryanL> Jesse wanted script approval, but nobody approved of the script.
KevinL> Script?
Balthayzr> In the end, the whole thing will turn out to be some plot by Lex Luthor.
Balthayzr> Well, the wretling parts had scripts, anyways.
Balthayzr> Yes, I use 48 point font in my e-mail all the time.
mgrasso> jesse sits back and watches the fireworks.
BryanL> BWAHAHAHAHA!
BryanL> Stinger!
mgrasso> and we enter jesse's fantasy world.
Balthayzr> Whoa. Jesse's gone bye-bye.
KevinL> Jesse's turned into a delusional schizophrenic?
Balthayzr> And Kane's coming out to be his vice-candidate!
KevinL> If I'm elected, I won't try to fix anything.
BryanL> Now -that's- a goal he's achieved.
Plumm> Hey Jesse, you;re so wacked, you're so wacked you blow my mind, hey Jesse! o/~
Balthayzr> Could we have some more secrets of wrestling revealed, Jesse?
Ironf> I'm a handsome man.
mgrasso> quiche, anyone?
Balthayzr> And Jesse brings the viewers some nice Rice Crispy Squares.
KevinL> We bought our votes, just like Jack Kennedy.
mgrasso> augh, i'm having seizures from the fakey web page.
BryanL> I also don't recall him wearing the fringe jacket.
Balthayzr> Who's narrating now, Doogie Howser?
mgrasso> wow, against helmet laws.
mgrasso> start seeing ex-wrestlers.
BryanL> Jesse kisses the ass of the constituency!
KevinL> Gary Busey was right!
Plumm> movie go away
mgrasso> wackiness quotient.... rising.
mgrasso> noogies. wow.
Balthayzr> I'm sensing the director just kinda gave up at this point.
Ironf> Is he wrestling in Japan for a exploding corners match?
BryanL> There was this weird organ music, honey. Did you take your Ritalin?
mgrasso> GNN?
Ironf> "GNN"
mgrasso> bwuahahaha
Balthayzr> So, Minnesota has a law that you can't wear a suit until you hold public office?
KevinL> This docudrama is so flawed, I hear Jesse loses the election at the end.
BryanL> It's not like there's tons of footage of him NOT WEARING THE JACKET.
Ironf> I remember this night fondly.
Balthayzr> We all do.
mgrasso> i was on irc.
mgrasso> like every other night.
mgrasso> i was in fucking canada, unable to share in america's victory.
mgrasso> whoa! smokey the bear comes out for jesse!
Balthayzr> "Governor Ventura, we'd like to glue this Official Governor Suit to you, now."
Ironf> and his dad appears like Obi's ghost
Plumm> NOw it collides with the Tim Daly Waco TV docudrama, and Clinton sends in the tanks to kill him.
Balthayzr> And, the NWO runs in and beats Jesse down.
KevinL> Actually, if I recall correctly, he wasn't wearing that jacket when he gave this "speech".
BryanL> This movie makes a bold statement. "We at NBC can lie about events that happened six months ago, and you won't care, because we've systematically drained your attention spans to a three-minute maximum."
KevinL> We shot the world. But we did not shoot the deputy.
Plumm> his dad
Ironf> HAH I kinda called it
Balthayzr> "THanks, Yoda."
BryanL> What the hell was that?
Ironf> Wow, really?
Plumm> boy you can say that again
mgrasso> called the obi-wan thing, ironf
Balthayzr> ANd Jesse sees the light, just like in Blues Brothers.
Plumm> I hope someone grabbed that
BryanL> Good one, Kev.
Ironf> I got it plumm
KevinL> Jesse's dad was the last man to ever fix a pothole in the state of Minnesota.
Balthayzr> The next 5 minutes are made up of Jesse speaking his mind, and then retracting it 2 days later.
Balthayzr> Stay tuned for Scenes from next Sundays "Blatant Lies Theatre!!"
BryanL> And now, NBC Nightly News. We made this shit up too?
BryanL> There's no war in Kosovo! SUCKERS!
