x79 KRULL (2/14/98)

MOVIE
The monster from the first Fantastic Four comic has a giant black castle, which is nothing more than a token guesture, and is attacking the Planet Krull. Two nations decide to join forces and have their children marry to cement their bond. Get it, cement/bond. HA! Anyway, during the Mawwaige, the chick is stolen because the big evil guys likes her. Prince Colwyn must go save her, but he needs the Glave, a ginsu of the 2000's. His mentor fights a giant see-through spider and helps him get the glave and information to find this old man that has a rather young male ward. They follow this old man, who is taken over by a body snatcher and a big cyclops friend kills him. They find out where the giant black castle is gonna be and ride 'fire mares' to get there. The cyclops gets turned into jelly so everyone can get in the side door. Once in, everyone gets trapped one way or another, except for the prince, who finds his chick. He uses the glave to kill the monster, but it just pisses him off. Then the two finish the marriage ceremony and he gets some sort of flame power and is able to cook the big evil daddy. The castle crashes and the black box is never recovered. Night.

THIS ISN'T STAR WARS
bowleg> Columbia Pictures Presents: The Starfish Shuriken Story
Balthayzr> And you can play it all on MAME!
bowleg> KRULL: This time, it's a spinning spinny thing
bowleg> Termite infestation on the starboard side, captain.
bowleg> krull is like a storm raging inside you.
cthulhu> Oh no it's the Chigs.
THX-1138> Hey, Skelator.
bowleg> ah. the Earl of Fey
bowleg> what that shirt really needs is a big-ass medallion.
gmkoenig> Horseback and laser blasters! Could we mix our metaphors a little more?
bowleg> Life is better when you're pretty. A message brought to you by The Shame Council.
bowleg> Sword of Omens, give me movie sight beyond movie sight.
cthulhu> Meanwhile on Dagobah.
bowleg> Wouldn't it be great if you were stuck in some future-past with a really annoying guy?
Bice> Those are the kind of men I need...for my new gay dance troupe.
bowleg> Here, let me show you my big ass medallion.
* Bice's wife comments that this is starting to look like a Duran-Duran video.
* bowleg bursts into a chorus of "The Safety Dance"
Bice> o/~ We can Krull if we want to o/~
bowleg> And if your friends don't throw starfish shurikens, well then they're no friends of minnneeeee
* Bice's wife sez: The old guy is really a puppet from Dark Crystal.
Bice> It smells of death. Like this movie at the box office.
bowleg> Nice plastic axe.
Ironf> The first year javelin catching was added to the Olympic Games resulted in a horrible accident
Ironf> And we knew we would return one day to fish again.
Bice> You know, some sense of scale would really help here.
bowleg> Charlotte's Web 2: The Armageddon
bowleg> This guy is like Hulk Hogan's doughy grandfather.
Ironf> That's odd, I just downloaded in my pants.
bowleg> Kenneth Braunagh's My Friend Flicka
ratmmjess> Mr. Ed's Triumph of the Will.
Ironf> Kenneth Braunagh's ET
bowleg> I can almost not see the matte lines!
ratmmjess> He better get that looked at - he's dragging a muffler something fierce.
Bice> So, lasers don't work against tigers then?
bowleg> Did he just cluck?
bowleg> tigers don't cluck.
bowleg> Only your smugness can protect you!
ratmmjess> I can't imagine why Krull II wasn't made.
Bice> They're waiting for better 3D technology to be invented.
cthulhu> That fortress wasn't up to code.
Ironf> We here at the Carne Instatute of Midevil Battle Re-enactments strive for the best in our wormy guys. Kenneth Braunagh IN Fey Leatherboy from Greenwich Village
Balthayzr> She's got eyes like a mexican child painted on black velvet....
Balthayzr> Nice. The Pyros wrote their own vows.
Balthayzr> So, how much money you think they gave Lucas not to sue?
Balthayzr> In retrospect, perhaps the guards shouldn't have been given the day off to attend the wedding.
bowleg> Thank you Obi Wan McRipoff.
Balthayzr> Glaive? I guess it's a weapon that's the least like a lightsaber....
bowleg> Cliffhanger 2: The Holocaust
Balthayzr> Well, that was a long and difficult quest. Just find the Lava Giftshop.
bowleg> so what's this guy up to these days? Probably running up a cocaine bill.
Balthayzr> I picture the hero trying to get a "Blue Lagoon 3" done.
Balthayzr> You can buy this mask in the lobby for 29.95....
bowleg> hold me closer, Kenneth Braunagh
THX-1138> Bastard El Dingo is killing my phone lines! One by one, it's hunting them down. Cutting me off from the outside world! Damn you El Dingo! Damn you to hell
bowleg> Well, I learned that lasers and swords can coexist peacefully.
Bice> I learned that apparently the blade-infested starfish is mightier than the laser.
* Bice's wife learned that this movie should only be viewed from behind the safety of 3D glasses.
cthulhu> I learned there should be a five day waiting period on starfish
cthulhu> I learned that it's good the Chigs from Space Above and Beyond found a job.
Bice> I learned that the best way to kill a cyclops is to crush him between two big rocks.
Bice> I learned that Homegames before midnight don't draw a crowd.
cthulhu> I learned neve to get involved in HGs while father is a waiting for phone call.

NOPE NOT STAR WARS

"You're no great chooser of roads, old man!"
"Good fighters make bad husbands..."
"I came to find the king! And I find... a boy instead..."
"You need the power of the blade..."
"Power is fleeting; love is eternal."

WHAT RANGE!
Here we look at entries in our lead's bag of expressions.

bowleg> Expression #23: Smug Enchantment
bowleg> Expression #123: Smug Triumph
bowleg> expression #214: Smug Concern
bowleg> Expression #346: Smug Sadness
bowleg> expression #2353: Smug Loathesomeness
Bice> Expression #2509: "Smug while getting my ass kicked"
bowleg> expression #2523: Smug Relief
bowleg> expression #2535: Smug Whimsy
Ironf> expression #2545 smug smugness
bowleg> expression #13245: Smug Victory
bowleg> expression #24234: Smug Sadness
bowleg> Expression #24555: Smug Confidence
bowleg> Expression #235553: Smug Mourning
Ironf> expression #9812731 smug realization